Must Read: The Player

6 years ago

Must Read: The Player

“Oh Fifi, after all I had taught you, you are not guided,” he said, opening the very could stout.

I couldn’t remember this particular lesson, I swear.

“Guys, please if there is nothing you learn from drinking in this filthy bar, learn that whenever you go to drink, always have extra for your friends that might stumble in, because it is wrong to deny a true friend a drink.”
We nodded.

“There is a tale about Ogun, the god of iron that I want to share with you. He was still a man then. He went to farm and on his way back he saw a house in a distance, in front of the house was a bench and on the bench was a calabash.”

I loved Bauchi’s stories; we were all listening with rapt attention.

“Ogun was glad to see the calabash, as he was glad that he would have a drink of palm-wine before continuing his journey. On getting to the house, he saw that the calabash was empty; there wasn’t a single liquid inside.”

“So he remained thirsty?” Ugo asked.

“My Igbo brother, yes he remained thirsty, but first he called the owner of the house and when the man stepped out, he killed him and filled the calabash with his blood. Ogun like Sango had very bad tempers as men.”

“Are you still thirsty, Sire?” Tope asked, smiling.

“My multiple coloured teeth man, I can never be angry with Fifi. He is my Niggie, forever and a day.”

That was the first time I had heard the word ‘Niggie’.

“I have some change, I can pay for your bottle,” Ugo volunteered.

“Thanks, my man. I will instead pay for what you guys have drank and what you are about to drink.”

“But we are okay,” Tope protested.
Bauchi opened his mouth like Tope had uttered an abomination.

“Guys..guys…if there is nothing else you learn from this beautiful assemblage that Yoruba men call bia palow, learn that you never refuse a bottle from a true friend, never ever do that!”

“Can we stand up and pee, sir?” Ugo asked

“Ahn ahn, of course my man, but come back before your Guinness gets hot.”

“But we don’t drink Guinnes,” Tope said.

“Oh, Guinness is the only drink I can pay for, I am sorry, ask my man, Fifi.”
I nodded.

“Barman, please bring four bottles of Big stout with four plates Nkwobi!” Bauchi screamed.

Tope excused himself to go pee too.

“Bros, why are you victimizing my friends like this?” I asked Bauchi as soon as we were alone.

He winked at me with that wicked, fascinating arrogance.

“I am just kidding, na only one-one bottle I go fit pay for sef, I lose my money for Baba-ijebu.”