Must Read: The Cartel (18+)

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: The Cartel (18+)

meant nothing to him anymore. As he sat in the cab, not sure of where he told the driver to take him to, he began to pray someone would just tap him to wake him up so he’ll realize he had been dreaming. How can he live with this?
“Oga….!!!”
“Oga.. Dide…ati de be” He heard the taxi driver say in Yoruba meaning “Sir, wake up. We’re there”.

Reaching for his pocket, he handed the man a naira note whose denomination he didn’t take note off but was sure is enough to pay for the fare. Alighting from the cab while dragging his bag with him, he made for the church building. He heard the taxi driver calling after him to come get his “change”, but he just waved his hand without turning back.
Inside the church building where he had served as an alter boy as a young boy, he sat on the pew closest to the alter. Looking up to both the ‘Sacred Heart’ and ‘Immaculate Heart’ statue, and then the Cross on the Alter, he began to sob silently.
The tears ran down his eyes like a fountain. His soul was broken. He was a disappointment to himself and his mother he thought he was going to protect. Looking back up to the Cross, he began to pray.
“My Lord and my God. I’m not worthy to be in your presence but I have now where else to go to. It’s been ages since I came before your Presence, but I need your grace more than ever right now. Do not judge me according to my sins, but look down on me with your Eyes of mercy. I have sinned against You and man. My soul is troubled right now and I need peace.


The peace only You can give…….”
***

He was awoken by the voice of the choristers rehearsing. He left the church by a few minutes to 5pm when it was almost time for the evening mass. The few people who had already arrived the church just starred at him as he left. His eyes were red and swollen. He was still deeply troubled.

Stepping outside the building, he realized it had rained while he was sleeping inside the church and was still drizzling. With no other choice and not even sure about his next destination, he went back into the church and sat behind, all through the mass. While he was physically present inside the church, his mind was at home, with his mom and the girl, as he wondered how they must be dealing with the sad realization.

The rain had picked up momentum again towards the tail end of the mass which finished around a few minutes past 6pm. While several people braced themselves and went home under the rain, a couple of them stayed back.

He wasn’t even,in a hurry to leave, so he just rested his head on the back of the pew in front of him.


He woke up to a feel of someone tapping him.



When he looked up he saw the a man he recognized as a worker in the parish. “It has stopped raining” the man said to him.


Hissing, he said “Thanks” and grabbed his back and headed for the door. Looking around briefly on his way out, he realized the church was a bit empty. Looking at his wrist watch, the time was 7:30pm.

Stepping out into the now dark skyline and after being used to the warmth of the church the building, his skin was welcomed by the sharp cold of a rainy Lagos night. This was added to the fact that he had since begun to feel feverish. Fortunately a cab just pulled by the road with two persons alighting and heading for the church. He quickly stopped the driver and got in behind the cab.
“Where?” The cab driver asked
Not even sure where he had to go next, he just gave the driver his house address. It’s a demon, just like a shadow that one cannot run away from. So why not go face it now than later, he thought to himself.
It was a few minutes past the hour 8 when the cab pulled over by his street. Walking down after paying his fare, he noticed how empty the street was. Obviously due to the rain many had called it in earlier than usual. His heartbeat began to pound painful as he approached the door. The security light was on but the light in the living room was off. Walking up the staircase, he realized no one was in the living room as the television light wasn’t on and it was noiseless.


Not sure whether he should knock, he pulled out his own key and tried to open the door. It was bolted behind which prompted him to knock. He was just about to hit the door when he heard footsteps from behind coming towards the door. Less than a minute later, he heard the sound of the bolt being unbolted, but the door remained closed. He then opened the door and saw his mother picking up her wrapper from the couch. Obviously she had been there all along and had seen him arrive.



Turning to face him, she said “I am bitterly disappointed and ashamed of you. I curse the day you were conceived. My heart bleeds from your stabbing, and with your own hands, you have severed your umbilical cord. I guess you now have a new family now? Anyways, thanks to Biology which tells us you have my DNA in you, but You Emem Etuk, are no longer fit to call me mother. I’ll only take care of you as my late husband’s son”. With that she entered her room and locked the door.


He had never seen his mother this angry. Only if she knew otherwise. Only if she knew he wanted to protect her and to avenge his father, her husband. She would never understand. She never understood him.



Locking the door and conscious of the fact that Uduak was still at the restaurant, he didn’t bolt it. How he managed to get to his room, he didn’t know as his body seemed too heavy for his legs. He never envisaged this scenario. Closing his door, he fell on his bed and within seconds, he had started sobbing. He had no where else to go to and he had vowed to avoid Jide and Chucks..
“Why not just end this all?” he heard a voice say after about 2 hour of thinking about the mess his life had become. For his own mother to disown him and the prospects of seeing the girl the next day scared the living day lights out of him. Listening to the voice, he decided to take his life as he couldn’t continue to live in misery. Walking over to his desk, he began to write his suicide note.
“Dear mother,
Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am to have hurt you this way. It would be a challenge to describe how miserable and guilty my actions and its resultant effects is making me feel right now.


You might have asked yourself how could I, of all the people in the world be the one to hurt you this much. You who saved me from dad’s flogging, you who spent several nights in the hospital with me when I fell of the first floor in secondary school, you who’ve always gotten my back and made sure you met my needs and wants. But the truth is, I wasn’t in my senses and had no understanding of what I was doing.
I wouldn’t want to ruin this apology with an excuse, but the truth is I thought I was going to protect you. Don’t ask how or from what. I’ve sat down to think about the several instance in which you went out of you way to show me how special I am to you. But yet thinking the only way I repaid you is by becoming a cultist and a rapist makes me realize my life is not worth living.


When dad died we were expected to grieve together, but I pushed you away thinking that you would never understand how I felt and chose to be alone. I felt and believed I could handle my life without your input and found your advice annoying. But being my mother, you alone understood me even better than myself. It is no longer news that the path I chose to follow didn’t get to have a happy ending.

I guess expressing it was my challenge, but mom, I love you. And I’m sorry for being a disappointment. I’m stressed mom, and have been miserable ever since this event. I was happy I was coming home to you for help, only to find out my victim is under your roof and protection. Protection from monsters like what I’ve suddenly become. It is at this revelation that I decided to end my life. There’s no point waking up everyday and having to face you both.


To the girl, I don’t know your name.

Hi…
I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for what happened and my role in it all. It’s something that should happen to no one at all not even you. Before today, after that incident, I’ve always wondered what’s your life looked liked wherever you were. I know the events of that night must have changed who you are and what you think of guys. My actions could have destroyed your life and ever since then, I’ve lived with regrets, fear and remorse.
I don’t wish to replay the events of that night and I know this sounds stupid, but the truth is I felt a sort of connection with you when our eyes met. Silently I had always hoped I would meet with you again after that night but when I saw you by the door this afternoon, I realized I don’t deserve to stand before you again.


Saying I’m sorry does not undo the deed, but believe me, I’m truly and have always been sorry for the night.

This is definitely gross coming from me, but if the events where to be different, I’d have just told you I think you are beautiful when we met in that cab and go my way. I believe you are an awesome personality, reason my mom took you in. So please be the child I never was to her. Make her proud.


Leaving this world would give me the peace of mind I so need right now.


Emem”
It was a few minutes to 11pm when he finished writing his tears soaked suicide note. Done, he picked up an electrical wire from his tool box.


Standing on the chair he sat by the table, the tired on end to the ceiling fan and then made the noose at the other end. Fixing it around his neck and making sure it was firm around his neck, he pushed the chair from under himself without wasting time