Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 39
“GGuy no be today we go go dat Nekede Exclusive
garden, na tomorrow, i wan go fill JAMB form”
Man said the next morning after morning
devotion. “me sef dey comot, i dey enter IMSU,
the course wey i get spill over na today them dey
do the test” I said.
I came back from school at about 2pm and met a
full house save Pkc. “where Pkc go na?” I asked,
“u dey ask M’umu question, shey you no know
where him dey dey? na Church na” Snoop replied.
“food dey house?” I asked, “no food oh” Man
As we sat under the Mango tree munching unripe
P-square, then came Bigie. The Notorious BIG.
“dis one wey una dey chop P-square wey no ripe,
food no dey una house?” Bigie asked, “food no
dey house oh” the revenous Baba jay responded.
“guys i get one good idea oh, make we catch some
of dis Haruna fowl cook chop na, him no dey house
oh” Notorious BIG suggested. Good idea indeed.
I never bought the idea, but what was i to do? An
idle mind is the devil’s workshop, they say.
We bagan to chase the fowls around the
compound. I knew it wouldn’t be a wild Goose
Bigie caught a hen that was as f’at as himself, he
handed it over to me, and i tranfered it to a big
drum. Next, Brainbox caught a c’ock, he handed it
over to me and i tranfered it to the big drum. At
the end of the chase that lasted for about an
hour, we caught 4hens and 2c’ocks.
Althrough while we were chasing the fowls, Daniel
and David were watching us keenly. I was
wondering what they would be saying in their
minds, maybe they would be saying, “these men
are thieves, i don’t want to be like them when i
grow up”. Same thing i said when i was their age,
i said i wouldn’t smoke but i turned out to be a
Lord of smoke, i said i wouldn’t womanize but i
turned out having s’ex with a woman old enough
to be my mum. My next s’ex escapade might be
with a woman old enough to be my grandmum, or so
We fetched firewood, made fire outside, and we
started preparing chicken pepper soup.
Since Haruna had almost a hundred fowls, he
would hardly notice we stole six fowls, just six
fowls, or so i tot.
Snoop bought three bottles of Baron de vale wine
for us to use to send home the chicken pepper
soup. How thoughtful of Snoop. But where did he
get the money for the drinks? I was sure he
didn’t steal it because non of my roomates were
thieves, i could confidently say that, or so i tot.
The chicken pepper soup was ready within an
Man was the first to munch his share of the meat,
as he took the first big bite, David and Daniel
cheered, “Man wey dey reason!!”. “eeeeeh!
Children Children” Man said to them.
“make we come chop?” Daniel and David chorused.
“i resemble una Papa? Abeg make una go read una
book” Man replied them.
The two kids walked away, and as they were a bit
far, they shouted, “Man wey dey thief Fowl” and
Daniel and David got close to their house, stopped
abruptly, and yelled, “Man wey dey thief fowl”.
Man looked at them and smiled. But when they
yelled, “Brainbox wey dey thief fowl”, Brainbox
stood up and chased them. They ran into thier
house and locked the door.
I quickly took some chunks of meat from
Brainbox’s plate of chicken pepper soup.
As i turned to see if Brainbox was coming, i saw
him doing something else.
He was “Flatscreening”. He was peeping through
the window of Mama and Papa Ejima’s bathroom,
viewing Mama Ejima as she was taking her bath.
The “left” side of my mind told me to go join him,
while the “right” side of my mind warned me
against going. “go watch free b’lue film na” the
left side of my mind suggested, “no go oh, what
of if Papa Ejima come back, u know say na by dis
time him dey come back” the right side of my mind
warned. “shebi if him dey come, u go hear him
motor noise, go jor” the left side of my mind told
I fought the temptation fiercely. I won the battle
Even though i had a crush on Mama Ejima.
It seemed Brainbox was watching Part 1 and Part
2 of the B’lue film, because he was taking so long.
Not knowing the B’lue film he was watching on
“flatscreen” would soon turn horror film.
Papa Ejima arrived without his car. And Brother
Brainbox was still peeping Mama Ejima.
I felt like shouting, “Brainbox comot there!!!”
but everything happened too sudden. Morealso,
Papa Ejima was walking very fast. With every step
Papa Ejima took, i wept for Brainbox.
“what are u doing standing close to my Bathroom
window?” Papa Ejima queried, “eeehnnnn! ehnnn!
Na Lizard i dey pursue, ehnnn! ehnn! the Lizard
don enter ur bathroom” Brainbox stammered.
Papa Ejima noticed his wife was in the bathroom,
he said, “so u are peeping my wife as she is taking
her bath ehnnnn?” Papa Ejima grabbed Brainbox’s
shirt, i could see Papa Ejima’s face spelt fury,
“ehnnnnn I no look ur wife oh, i close my eye when
i dey pursue the Lizard, so i no see anything”
Brainbox cried out.
Once a boxer, always a boxer.
Papa Ejima clinged his fist and landed a punch to
Brainbox’s chest. The punch was as heavy as the
punch of Mike Tyson and Evander Hollifield put
Brainbox fell to the ground convulsing, with a
foamy substance coming out of his mouth.
We all came closer to meet Brainbox shaking like a
Jelly fish on the ground. “u don kill am oh” Man
said, “na because him dey look ur wife wey dey
baf” Snoop said, “na only u get wife wey fine?”
As they were all raining abuses on Papa Ejima, i
couldn’t find my speech, “so na like dis Brainbox
my guy take go? My guy! My man! My nigga! My
pardy” I was lost in my tots.
At that moment, Mama Ejima came out with a
towel covering her body. She came to meet the
Tears came running down my cheek for the first
time in a long while.
“make we rush am go hospital, where ur motor
na?” Man queried Papa Ejima. “my car is with the
mechanic, that is why i came home on foot” Papa
Ejima replied. Papa Ejima was fidgety, i saw
“Fear” written all over him. “since the hospital
no far, make i carry am for my shoulder na” Snoop
suggested f’oolishly, but i wouldn’t blame him, he
just wanted to save a dying friend.
“make una put am for my motor, make we carry am
go hospital before him go die” Haruna who just
drove in offered. They all managed to enter the
car except Me and Baba jay. I just couldn’t go
with them, because my whole body was stiff. I
As Haruna’s car zoomed off, i couldn’t help but
cried. They say; “Big boys don’t cry”, but not
when the Big boy’s best friend was about dying.
“Flow, i don comot for house oh, i no want make
police come arrest me say i dey here when them
Kill Brainbox oh” Baba jay said to me as i was lying
on the bed. “haba!! Baba jay why u dey yan like
dis, Brainbox never die na” I replied, “i don tell u
my own, i don comot for house” Baba jay said and
left the room.
Like they say; “A friend in need is a friend
indeed”, i couldn’t imagine myself saying what
Baba jay said. How could i leave when Brainbox
needed me the most? Well, Baba jay lived like an
island, he cared about no one but himself, when
he was actually living at the mercies of the rest
“if Police like make them come, i ready to go police
station because of my guy Brainbox” i tot.
I could even take a bullet for Brainbox, or so i tot.
As i lay on the bed, sleep came and i slept off. I
had a horrible dream, “Flow!! Help me, help me!!”
Brainbox cried out for help as we were swimming
in Otammiri river. I swam so fast combining
butterfly stroke and back stroke, still i couldn’t
get to Brainbox fast enough. The water current
was moving fast, and Brainbox was trying his best
to swim, but he couldn’t because the current was
against him, “Brainbox!! try swim na!!” I
shouted, “Flow i no sabi swim na” Brainbox cried.
The water current was carrying him gradually,
gradually, and gone. Brainbox was gone. Otammiri
had carried him.
“Brainbox!! Brainbox!! Brainbox!!” i shouted at
the top of my voice.
I was brought back to reality from dreamland by
the ringing of my phone. I recieved the call from
my Mum, she just wanted to know how i fared.
“which kin dream be dis? Me wey no sabi swim, na
me com dey wan help Brainbox wey sabi swim,
wetin dis dream mean na?” I pondered.
I could suddenly feel that my bladder was full, and
about to burst. It was as if i drank the whole
water in Otammiri River in my dream.
As i stood up to go ease myself in the toilet, i
heard, “Gbaaam!! Gbaaaam! Gbaaaaam!! Open dis
door!!” someone was knocking hard on the door,
“walahi if u no open dis door ehnnn?” i realized it
“wetin Haruna want na? Abi him wan tell me say
Brainbox don die?” the tot of this sent goose
pimples all over my body.
I wanted to go ease myself first before i get the
door, but as he continued knocking hard, i had no
choice but to get the door.
The first thing i saw as i opened the door was a
“u see dis dagger? Nahim i go use kill all of una
wey chop my fowl, as una take cut my fowl neck
naso i go cut una neck, after i kill una finish i go
use una do suya” Haruna threatened with a stony
As i saw the glittering dagger coming close to me,
i caught instant cold.
Before i knew it, urine had started flowing out of
my p”enis. I had peed on my trousers.
“i dey come back for una” Haruna said bringing
the dagger close to my stomach, very close. I tot
he wanted to stab me, so the speed at which urine
gushed out of my p”enis increased, and it gushed
as fast as water gushing from a tap.
Haruna left me in a pool of my urine. The whole
room was flooded, not with water but with urine.
The next day, Brainbox was discharged from the
“e get as dis house dey smell since yesterday oh”
Man said. “na true talk oh” Snoop added.
“maybe na dat dustbin wey dey outside” I said.
“no be dustbin jor, the thing dey smell like piss,
abi person piss for our rug?” Man inquired.
“maybe na Daniel and David” I said.
At that moment, Bigie came in, “Bigie where
tupac na?” Man asked, “him go gym for Tony side”
Bigie replied, “ehenn! Make we go gym na, e don
tay wey i gym sef” Man said. “who be Tony?” I
intentionally asked knowing what would be Man’s
response, “when we reach there, you go see am”
“i go follow una go gym oh” Brainbox said.
“ehnnn! U wan die? e be like say life no dey sweat
you again? U just dey come back from hospital
because of blow wey Papa Ejima blow you for
chest, u wan com follow us go gym” I said.
I, Man, Bigie and Snoop were off to Tony’s place,
which was the next compound.
We got to the shanty looking hostel and we walked
straight to the backyard, where the gym was.
Tony’s gym was equiped with two barbells and four
We met Tupac alone working out. He wasn’t only
working out, he “garnished” it with igboh.
My oh my!! How i loved working out and smoking at
the same time. It reminded me of a place called
“Sokoto”. Sokoto was a bush path in the barracks
where we gathered every evening to smoke weed.
And at the back of Sokoto was a local gym
constructed by a member of Sokoto.
I was displaying the stuff i was made of. I was
displaying my “gyming skill”, when a guy came,
“whooooooooo beeeeee this?” I tot he was
singing, “Tuuuuuupaaaac, i saaaaaaay whoooo
beee this?” He said stamping his foot on the
ground, i tot he was dancing.
He wasn’t Singing, neither was he dancing. He
was a heavy stammerer. And his name was
“Toooooony”. My bad! Tony.
“na my guy be dis, him name na Flow” Tupac
introduced me to Tony. “ooooookay, Flooooooow
hoooow far?” Tony said giving me a handshake.
Mehn! Tony was going through Hell as a
stammerer. Although, stamping his foot on the
floor seemed like he was dancing “Atilogu”, he did
so to ease the stammering.
Since i was born, i had never seen such a
stammerer. His stammering sounded more like rap
music. Hard core rap music.
Since we were smoking and at the same time
working out, we never saw Time flew.
Darkness came gradually, and soon it was night.
After working out and smoking, what comes to
mind? Food! Food! and Food!
It was Baba jay’s turn to cook, so we got home to
meet a delicious Okro soup.
It was my turn to lie on the floor that night.
That night i called Florence. I had earlier told her
on phone that i would give her a mid night call.
because it was free. She bought the idea
I was lying on the floor “Jejely” making my call
and using sweat words to woo Florence, when i
heard a thundering b”ang on our door. I stood up
to see who was the f’ool b”anging at our door at
such an unholy hour.
It was no f”ool, it was the Wise ones.
The gentlemen in black.