Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E35

2 years ago

Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E35

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 35

Meanwhile house was agog with the news of my coming baby. I felt older all of a sudden. My sisters will hail me “papa junior” at the slightest chance, Willie automatically changed my name to C. Ronaldo while my mother never stopped asking when the baby would come, underage or overage, she couldn’t wait to carry her child’s child. Sometimes I wonder the type of family I was born into. Anyways, it made things easier for me.

Naza’s parents weren’t so easy or so hard to talk to. We were family friends and that made things milder. Her father and mine settled it over 2 bottles of Heineken and old time jokes about their girlfriends when they were my age.

As for me, I just wished Naza would remain pregnant for the rest of her life. Her belly wasn’t showing the signs of it but her skin developed this kind of glow that made me want to take her to bed each time.

Our school had gone for Easter break so we were all at home. Naza spent more time in our house than she did in theirs. She did that because of Amara, lol. She didn’t want us overplaying our brotherly love, if you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, I was getting too uncomfortable staying around my hood. I mean like all of a sudden, the whole place started booming with fresh chics. Nobody knew where or how they managed to find their way into our area.

The worst is while I am contemplating on hitting on one today, the next day, another will show up and I will just focus on her again. Confusion everywhere. And just when I thought that Chinaza was pregnant already, so we can f--k anyhow without fear of pregnancy or period. She decided she was always too tired or not in the mood and worst still she won’t leave me so I can find go and find a remedy to my problem.

“So Naza, why are you always tired?” I was asking her the day the something was trying to destroy me, after series of turning and upturning on my bed which didn’t solve my problem.

She just rubbed my head and smiled, a beautiful smile that annoyed me in this time of my need.

“Neche I want to drink tea,” she replied, rubbing my back like she was begging. The both of us knew it was an order more like “Neche go and make me tea.”

The tea showed up in no time, anything that will make her drop the honey pot for me.

“The tea is still hot,” she said and dropped the cup on the table.

“So what were you saying?” she asked me.

“I was trying to say that I need you.”

“Yes, am I not here?”

“No, that is not the type of need I am talking about.”

“Which type kwa?”

She definitely knew what I meant, I was sure but Naza was just being herself. How do I even explain myself to her without looking stupid?

“I mean, that thing we did that made you pregnant, I want to do it again.”

I believe that was better. She shaa laughed and nearly poured the cup of tea away. I wasn’t finding it funny, not when it’s one week gone and I haven’t even kissed anyone talk more of doing the other one.

“So right now, that is all you want?” she asked and I nodded.

“Well, I am pregnant, wait till I deliver!”

That was it. I was plain angry.

“What does that mean?” I asked, raising my voice small small.

“Don’t shout, Your mom will hear your voice now and will start asking what is wrong, what will you then tell her?”

“Let her hear, why are you mean like this… Bla bla bla bla… ”

I was really frustrated and I didn’t hide it. She just sat there, staring at me as I vented my frustration on her.

After much ranting, she just sighed and fanned her tea with her hand. Nobody told me to calm down.

” See Naza, you know you are my only girl and I love you.”

“So?”

“Just this once, eh nne?”

“Neche no.”

Her reply was cold and final.

“I think I will just go out there and find myself a new girl,” I complained, expecting her to change her demeanor or get jealous. She just blew air into the cup of tea.

“Please do if that will make you leave me alone,” she said.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yes, but before you go, just make Pap for me, I don’t want tea again.”

Is that how pregnant people use to do?

Girlfriends = 23

Side Chics = 27

Bang mates = 12

Crushes = 1 million

Secret Fantasies = 500 million

Milf fantasies = 100

Sugar mommy = 0

I just sketched a rough estimate of my Romance life since when I became aware that men were supposed to run after women. I can’t even remember the age I grew that awareness but I can remember playing that infamous game of hide and seek with my classmate back in my nursery 2. Then our teacher would force us to place our heads on the desk and go to sleep. She would give me a b-----b under the desk and then proceed to hide an empty cabin biscuit pack in her pant and ask me to find it with my hand. Y’all know how that would end up right. That doesn’t matter though, I doubt if I even knew what I was doing.

So my details up there is to let you know that I am not as bad as most of us here lol. See, its just roughly 23 girlfriends up there since I was born, I know some of us here have more than 23 girlfriends as they are reading this thing now. See I’m actually a little bit of a good boy.

So recently, I decided to meditate on my life a bit. I ended making it all about Chinaza and the pregnancy. I started wondering if there is any other girl in my life I would have preferred to be the one in Chinaza’s place.

I remember Maryann, she was so beautiful that I missed receiving holy communion once in the church because I was staring at her. She was 100 yards of everything I wanted and I got her for a period of time. Only problem was that I was 12 and she was 11. We only wrote love letters which we perfumed and rubbed sweet smelling powder on. Apart from that, no other sort of RUBBING took place. I am still looking for her shaa, I hope I find her one day.

Uju, Ujunwa. She was Ebony, a beautiful sort of Ebony. Met her when I just started with Chinaza. Small t--s but her ass covered up for what she lacked in Boobs. She gave me the styles that busted my brain, even Cynthia couldn’t do that. We hit it off for a while before she got married after her NYSC. I would have loved her to have a baby for me, only problem was that she was 25 and I was 17 and she was Chinaza’s aunt. Jeez.

Azuka, she was beautiful and petite with a round ass and perky boobs. Those types of boobs that will flow down and then curve up with the n----e like a banana. She was bad and naughty in a way that I liked and can display her love for you even in the street. I was even shy at times. Can you Imagine. There was no problem with this one. Just that I was sharing her with my guy. While he was writing her text messages, I was reading them to her in her father’s bedroom, on the bed each time. We shaa went our way and I didn’t miss her much.

Then Jennifer, not the other Jennifer o, a different Jennifer. A combination of my sperm and her eggs would have produced nothing less than a Chris Brown. She had this way of kissing that could cover up for the sex that we never had. We still talk shaa but she is kinda far away from where I am and wouldn’t want to take this stress of meeting her when I could easily find a good replica of her and her p---y. Only problem we had was that she only loved me fingering her. If we were still together right now, I know my biceps would have been as huge as. Fingering a girl like that beats hitting the Gym.

Who else, who else, who else? So many of them but I can’t remember much again. Now Chinaza seem to be okay to me but I don’t just understand her ways these days. I think it’s the pregnancy thing. Someone cannot even drink garri and drop spoon for her. She is always wanting one thing or the other and she won’t even want to have sex, that’s the most annoying one.

That was how I was waiting for Amara to come home from the Market so I can beg her for a little kiss. Even if its 2 seconds. Chinaza called me that she wants fried rice. Me that can’t cook jollof rice without over watering it or over salting it. And she said she won’t eat take away, that I must cook it myself. The next thing she was threatening to come over to our house if I don’t cook it. I don’t even know if fried rice is actually fried in the real sense or if it’s cooked.

Shaa I agreed to cook. My plan went this way, Amara would come back and when we are done with each other, she would whip up some rice and I will take it over to her.

I was still in my room, whatsapping away on my phone when my door opened. I looked at the door, hoping to see Amara. Chinaza just stood there, scolding me with her eyes.

“So this is where you are cooking the fried rice?”

“See Chianza, I don’t even know how to cook rice, can’t you just look for something else to eat, maybe garri and soup?”

“No I want fried rice.”

She came and sat on the bed, I noticed her tommy was starting to protrude and she walked like a woman in a maternity hospital.

“Just cook me fried rice and we will…. ”

She stopped half way and gave me a suggestive wink.

” We will what?” My heart was thumbing like I was checking my semester results.

“Baby, you know nah,” she said and winked again. Hehehe, see me see youtube, searching for how to cook fried rice. Luckily, my moms no dy joke with food so all the condiments were there. We didn’t have chicken but Fish was in the fridge.

The rice was ready in no time and served in my room. No dulling.

We drank the rice rather than eat it. The water in it no be here. She wanted fried rice. She got it.

“See eh, Neche, I don’t want fried rice again. Just cook indomie.”

“You are not serious, you will finish it o.”

I was getting angry.

“I thought you wanted to do that thing that made me pregnant again?” she said eyeing me with a smile on her face.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“Indomie.”

I shaa spent the whole day cooking indomie from there to making tea and back to Pap. In the end, just when she said she wasn’t hungry again, after I had brought her Pap, my mother came back.

I spent the rest of the day Washing plates and pots and cleaning the kitchen. The rice went down the wastebasket and the pap with the tea went down Willie’s stomach.

Like I always say. If Chinaza’s doesn’t kill me, I won’t die.