Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E34

Story 2 years ago

Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E34

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 34

My brother looked even more confused than James was the day I was mumbling about what Naza told me. The look on Willy’s face was to die for, as in, it can kill you. If not for the cute face and the neat beards, you would have called him an imbecile.

“What are even saying? That Chinaza is sick and went to the hospital, so? She is here naa and she is not dead.”

“Bro I am trying to say that she is pregnant,” I said and expected him to place both his hands on his head. He merely smiled.

“Congratulations dear,” he was referring to Chinaza. “I hope the guy responsible is going to marry you before the sign turns up.”

Chinaza merely shook her head, she knew Willy was a clown most of the time.

“Bro, the baby is mine,” I said it slowly, avoiding eye contact. The whole room went silent. For about 5 seconds nobody spoke.

I thought my brother was burning me up with his eyes only to look up and see him staring sheepishly at shape who was at the door.

I just weak for my family.

I slapped his knee and he turned to me sharply.

“What were you saying?”

“I was saying that Chinaza is pregnant for me and that girl at the door is a virgin.”

His eyes bulged, I didn’t know what made them bulge, whether it was the pregnancy or the Virgin ish. Unwanted pregnancy to Willie was bad news and hooking up with a Virgin was worst. He refers to it as a worthless relationship.

Chinaza stood up and left with Shape. Willie was just engaged in an eye contest with me.

“Jeez, Chex, I have been in this game for 100 years before they gave birth to you and yet no f--k ups, how could you have been so careless?”

“I don’t know o bro. It just happened, I don’t even know what to do.”

He was giving me that look that unlocks the tear gland in a man, the look that usually says, “Bro you f--k up and you are finished at the same time”.

“What do we do now?” I I asked and he pulled closer to me on the bed.

“Did you tell her of abortion?”

I looked at him and shook my head.

“She didn’t even wait for the suggestion, she just change am for me when she suspected that I will bring it up.”

“Guy serious f--k up.”

“Yea, Dad will just throw me over the balcony,” I murmured, shedding internal tears.

“No he won’t,” he replied.

“You sure?”

“Yea, he said he no longer needs stress with his children.”

“Thank God,” I said and heaved a sigh of relief.

“Yes, he is only going to shoot you, he just bought a pump action.”

Willie was wicked in a sort, he just dropped it casually like shooting someone was the same thing as flogging him.

“See what we are going to do now,” he started and I paid rapt attention, hoping he wasn’t going to misyarn.

“Yes?”

“We will go to Dad’s office.”

“What for?”

“Listen now, abi do you prefer going home first where both him and mom will jointly roast you like roadside maize?”

I shook my head, I had better go with his plan, he was the next man after my father and I believed he controlled some authority.

“We will settle with dad, then we get home, he can help us fix mum.”

“Yea, you made sense.”

I always knew Willie was a great asset.

“We will talk to Rita too, she will help us.”

“Rita will Finish me naa,” I protested.

“Yes but she will also help, just relax, you only got her pregnant, you didn’t kill her.”

I fell back on the bed and hissed. I knew p---y was going to kill me one day but I never expected it to be Chinaza’s own.

“So when are we going to see Dad?” I asked getting up from the bed.

“After I get this girl that just left with Naza.”

He was devouring the only star in my fridge.

“She is a virgin bro.”

He smiled at me and nodded.

“I have readjusted my standards, I am the new Isreal.”

“Israel kwa?”

He nodded again and smiled.

“I will tear down that wall of Jericho.”

I sighed and fell back on the bed. The next picture on my mind was me and shape on the bed after Willie must have opened her. Jeez, I swear I will be the worst father on earth.

He stood up from the chair and walked outside, probably after shape. He hadn’t been gone for more than 30 seconds before Chinaza bursted into my room, holding his hand, against his wish.

“Are you guys done?” she asked me as I stared at them. I nodded and she made Willie take a sit.

“Now, lets discuss about my own issue.”

“What issue?” Willie asked.

“My family, how will I tell them about it?”

“It’s very easy, you just walk up to them and yarn them what’s up.”

That was Williams.

“Maybe you should help me, I will appreciate,” Chinaza replied him, rolling her eyes.

“Have you told Chinelo?” I asked and she nodded.

“I told her when the result came out.”

“What did she say?”

“That I am finished,” she answered casually. I had almost forgotten about her parents.

“Fine, I will be there, maybe tomorrow, we will move from dad’s office to your dad’s.” I said and she put down her head, sobbing without tears.

“What now?” I asked.

“God I am finished. My Mom thinks I am still a virgin.”

I don’t know why I didn’t laugh at that, it was d--n funny.

Williams took us out in the evening, Me, Chinaza, James and Shape. Somehow, my brother meandered his way into shapes cubicle, shape was all over him in the end. That boy is a magician.

It was at the peak of the moment that I learnt Shape’s real name was Chinaza.

I am as amazed as you are.

For a moment, everything seemed normal, Chinaza’s pregnancy was thrown to the background while we had the fun of our lives. Willie had come with mom’s car and so it was a little high key.

I spent the rest of the night prophesying my undying love for Chinaza. I was drunk and high but she wouldn’t bulge, she needed no second pregnancy and when the chips were down. It turned out that Shape was never a virgin, maybe her a-----e is still sealed but her p---y was as open as the temple.

I was only pained at what I had missed for almost a year.

Blood is thicker than water, even Akamu. I appreciated that saying at my dad’s office.

So I and Willie popped into his place of work around 12 pm the next day after Willie have treated me to Nico and Vinc’s “That’s how you know you f----d up” in mom’s car.

We were blocked by his secretary. She wanted to call him before we can go in. Imagine, our own father. We relaxed shaa, we didn’t want to start the day with more f--k ups, knowing the sensitivity of our mission.

“He said you should wait a while before coming in.”

She still had the phone to her ear when she passed us the message.

“What do you mean?” Willie protested.

“But he is our father!” I added.

“And so what? My friend wait there!”

That was my father shouting over the phone. We heard him Loud and clear. So we just mellowed and waited. We took a seat facing the secretary.

“So you mean shape wasn’t a virgin?”

Willie nodded and winked at me.

“Jesus, so I had something like that under my nose and you just came and took it away?”

“You are still learning naa, how can you expect a girl like that to be a virgin.”

I nodded and shook my head at the same time.

“Willie you are an Idiot.”

He eyed me and laughed. The secretary eyed us and I was forced to look at her. My right eye observed her face on which she placed reading glasses like she actually knows anything. It reminded me of when I loved to watch women on glasses p--n, they are always good looking.

Meanwhile, my left eyes was placed on my favorite part of the female body, not the boobs, the the other side.

She wore panties but the dark shade didn’t let me know the exact color and her laps were thick. That allowed me estimate the size of her booty and I was wowed by my findings.

“I swear he is f-----g this one, that’s why she wore short skirt and pant instead of tights, to allow her pull off fast fast,” Willie whispered into my ears.

“Who is f-----g her?” I whispered back.

“Popsy naa.”

I eyed him.

“Guy are you sure?”

“Dey there, you don’t know your father.”

Our gossips were still on when the door opened and her royal thickness walked out of his office. She was grabbing some files which she pinned to her inflated boobs. She was beautiful too. I just watched her catwalk to where we sat and I bet Willie too was watching. She beamed us a smile and we smiled back, I bet I showed my 32.

“Williams and his brother, how are you guys?”

“Fine fine,” Willie answered for us two.

We exchanged pleasantries and she left. Then the secretary ushered us into the office.

“Is he f-----g this one too?” I asked. “I like her.”

“Don’t you know Aunty Grace?”

I shook my head.

“After momsy, na her.”

“So popsy bad like that.”

Shaa we walked into the office and met our father. He observed us through the rims of his spectacles as we walked in. We pulled Seats and relaxed.

“Daddy good morning,” we greeted.

“Eh, goodnight.”

“Sorry, good afternoon,” we corrected immediately. He sized me up and asked about school. I said fine, he nodded and switched to Willie.

“You, when are you guys resuming?”

“Ar ar, daddy we just closed naa.”

“Are you sure they have not pursue you from school because David’s daughter is not yet back.”

“Which David’s daughter?” Willie asked.

“That Yellow one, Mary Cynthia.”

“So Mary is in my school?”

“Yes of course, don’t you see her?”

“Dad how can I see her in a school as big as that?”

“Ok shaa, it’s almost 1, come and buy something for.”

He was pulling out his wallet when Willie coughed.

“O gini?” he asked.

“Dad we didn’t come buy something for you, we came because something happened.”

He looked at the two of us one after the other.

“What happened, have they suspended you from school?”

He was asking me. I shook my head.

“Are you in a cult?” I shook my head again.

“Did you impregnate a girl?”

Nothing from me, before he could ask any question again, Willie came to my rescue. God bless that boy for me.

“Dad, see what happened, shey you know Chinaza?”

“Who is Chinaza?”

“Erm, Uncle Laz’s daughter, that fair one.”

He nodded slowly. “His girlfriend?” he said pointing at me.

How did he even know she was my girlfriend. Daddy daddy.

We both nodded.

“Ehe, did you impregnate her?” he was asking Willie. Lol.

“Noo, see what happened.”

He started spicing the story the same way I have told it to him the first time. From Chinaza falling sick to her going for test and all.

“Oho, I said it!” My father said as Willie finished.

We both stared at him as he tapped on his table. Shooting his eyes at the two of us. I didn’t know if it was sweat or urine but my buttocks was all wet.

“So you went to school, instead of reading your books and coming out of there, instead, you got a girl pregnant. Did I tell you that I needed a baby from you?”

I shook my head, staring at the floor.

“My friend, look at me when I am talking to you.”

I obeyed and he continued.

Willie threw his head to the ground, it’s not that he was scared, he was only trying not to laugh and me too, I was trying my best to appear remorseful. My father has this way of yelling at you that instead of you feeling bad, you will end up laughing.

“I told to go to school and get me good grades, you say it is a baby that you want, if I wanted a baby from you, I would have married a girl for you, and I even thought you were better than this baby bush.”

He was referring to Williams. Now the laughter was threatening to break out.

“All he knows how to do is grow beards and do make up…..”

The tongue lashing shifted to Willie and if my sisters were there too, they would have gotten their own portion.

“Where is she?” he asked after he was done and had taken some breaths.

“Back at his lodge,” Willie answered.

“Wait,” he removed his eye glass and dropped it on the table. “This baby, is it a joint something, are the two of you responsible for it?”

“Noooo!” Willie shouted.

“Then why are you answering for him?”

“She is in my room at school,” I shot in.

“You even live together at school?”

“No, she came from her school.”

“I think you will have to start going to school from the house,” he said.

“That’s far!” Willie exclaimed.

“What is far, this one, he will be using public transport, back then, I trekked 20 kilometers to primary school everyday.”

Even the look on his face showed that he too was shocked by what he just said. 20km gini.

“Daddy daddy, 20 km kwa?” Willie said, winking at him.

“You don’t believe me? You can ask your mom, we walked to school everyday.”

“So you were already mingling with mom as early as primary school.”

I was already Fearing for Willie’s safety when he asked this question but my father played it cool.

“My friend that is none of your business, but then, we trekked big time, you people of nowadays are just lucky.”

That was how Chinaza’s pregnancy was concluded and my father’s primary school history took over. I didn’t make much noise shaa, before he will come and notice me again.

“Ehe, come and buy me lunch at that restaurant across the street.”

He pulled out 1k from his wallet and handed it over to Willie. We both stood up.

“Buy yours too, shey you will eat?”

He didn’t need to ask.

“And call me that lady outside,” he said, putting back his glasses.

“There are two girls,” Willie informed.

“Call the one with the biggest breast.”

Jeez, Why won’t I impregnate a girl when I have a father like that. It runs in the family.