Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

”u dey mad abi, ur fada there, come collect money na” all these were the abuses i rained on the bike man as he stoped us in front of the church. “ur papa there, give me my money oh, or else we go fight here” the bike man threatened as he was already set to start throwing punches. “dis man never know say i get red belt for taekwondo oh, i go just give am Doliu chagi (round house kick) for head, i go com use Apoligei (axe kick) finish am, him don die be dat oh” i said within myself as i kept my guard. “íyalàyá” i insulted the bike man with the only Yoruba insult i liked. On hearing this the bike man threw a punch to the air. I still kept my guard as Ilorin came and held the bike man pleading with him in Yoruba.

Ilorin paid him his money and he left. At that money i saw two ushers of the church came around the scene, one was tending to Juliet’s injury while the other one was asking me what happened, a question i never answered. Juliet told me she would be going home bcos the injury on her ankle was hurting her seriously and that she couldn’t walk well. I agreed with her and gave her my house key for her to go collect her laptop she left charging in my room.
“wetin do ur shoe?” Ilorin asked “na dat useless Okada man na, first my trouser tear as i wan enter the bike, and my shoe com burn again join” i cried as i took a glance at the big hole that was in between my legs, revealing my dirty boxer short. “guy how u go do am na, abi u go go house back?” Ilorin asked, “i no dey go any house, if i go house i no go come back again, and i no wan miss today church bcos e don tay wey i go church, i go manage am like dat jor” i said as i tried figuring the walking step to use dat would not reveal the big hole in between my legs. I concluded to use CATWALK.

I catwalked slowly as we walked to the enterance of the church. Ilorin laughed uncontrollably at me, “Ilorin u no go behave urself abi, if u dey laf, people for inside the church go laf me sef, but if u no laf, dem go think say naso i dey waka” i cautioned Ilorin who instantly stoped laughing. I entered the church with my “newly found” walking step and the ushers directed me and Ilorin to go seat in front after confirming that we were first timers. “even if una put gun for my head, i no go seat for front” i said to myself as i sited Sammy and Kelvin at a corner of the church, since there were two empty seats close to them, me and Ilorin quickly joined them. “why u sidon like dis na, why u cross ur leg na?” Kelvin asked me, “u dey ask mumu question, u no know say naso Oyibo people dey sidon, i wan sidon like Oyibo na” i lied as i saw Ilorin Laughing. At that moment i saw what made my jaw droped.

Dami and her Mum were seated in front. “so dis girl and her Mama dey come dis church? Why dem no tell me na? Abi na bcos i no ask them? Bcos if to say i asked dem, dem for tell me” i tot. Dami’s Mum caught me staring at her and she winked at me, it took a while before i responded to her wink, as i was about responding to her wink, i noticed she was looking elsewhere but Dami was looking at my direction so i winked at Dami and she smiled. Practically throughout the service i slept bcos the message was boring, Sammy too slept. We gave offering and as we danced i noticed Ilorin was dancing “Alanta”; the reigning dance then. “guy why u dey dance dis kin dance for church na, see as everybody dey look u” i told Ilorin. “make dem look na, no be house of God i dey” he said as he continued his wierd dance step. We said “the Grace” and i tot it was time to go home when i heard…………………. “All first timers pls wait behind”.