Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 29

6 years ago

“Guy i no well oh, my eye dey turn me, e be like say na Malaria oh” Brainbox said as we approached the bank. “but u don take drugs?” I asked, “yes na, i don take Malaria drugs, but e be like say the thing no work” said Brainbox. “e go work, no worry” I assured.

The air conditioner in the banking hall gave my skin a cool feeling, i felt like making the bank my home. A bank was sure the best place in the world to be made home, as one would sleep on money, eat money and breathe money.

We collected deposit slip to fill. And i saw from the corner of my eyes that Brainbox filled in 12,000naira as the amount he was to deposit. “dis boy get money oh, see as him wan put 12k, wen na only 7k me i wan put” I tot.

Soon we joined the long queue. Brainbox was in front of me while over 10 persons were in front of him.

40minutes later, the number of persons in front of Brainbox had reduced to Four.

“guy my body dey shake i no fit stand well” Brainbox complained. “no worry our turn go soon reach, we go dey go house” I said.

All of a sudden, the Brainbox i knew had changed, he was sweating and shaking like a jelly fish.

He was really ill, i could tell.

The next thing i heard was, “gboor ghoor gbooooor!!”. Brainbox threw up.

He threw up and baptized the Lady in front of him with Okro soup.

If that was all, it wouldn’t had been that bad, what came out from his mouth was an eyesore.

Eba and Okro soup. The Eba and Okro soup we ate at Soroagwa canteen earlier.

Balls of Eba and Okro soup flew to different corners of the bank. North, South, East and West.

I took gradual steps backwards going far from the u’gly scene.

Brainbox continued throwing up wanting to flood the bank with the irritating balls of Eba and Okro soup that was coming out of his system. All eyes were on him.

As I took more steps getting close to the door, someone suddenly said, “i thought he is your friend, i thought u came together, where are you going to?” It was the beautiful girl i was admiring that stood behind me in the queue, “he is not my friend oh, i just met him here in the bank” Denial Number 1.

I was sweating profusely even in a fully Air conditioned bank, “omoh! See as Brainbox go vomit Eba and Okro soup for bank oh, him don fall hand oh, if i gree say na my friend him be, people go say make i come pack the vomit” I tot.

Just when i was regretting why i denied Brainbox, someone said, “that boy is his friend, let him come and help him” it was a chubby man pointing towards me. I initially tot he was reffering to the fair guy that stood beside me, “he is talking to you, he said you are that boy’s friend, that you should go and help him” I whispered to the fair guy who ignored me. “i mean you on Blue, i saw you discussing with him” the chubby man stated. This time my brain figured he was reffering to me because i wore blue, so i said, “he is not my friend oh, i just met him in the bank” Denial Number 2.

As the bank cleaners came to clean up the mess, i stared to see that Brainbox was staring at the floor. Maybe he was ashamed, or maybe not.

As the Lady Brainbox threw up on walked towards the toilet to clean herself up, she stared at me for a while, and she said, “won’t you go and help your friend?”. “he is not my friend, i don’t even know him from Adam” Denial Number 3.

At that moment, Brainbox that was initially staring at the floor instantly looked up to me and shook his head.

That was when it dawned on me that i had denied my friend three times. Three good times!!

As the cleaners took Brainbox upstairs to clean him up or maybe bath him, i felt ashamed of myself.

I had denied a friend. But if he were to be in my sheos, he would do worse, he would even run out of the bank, i was sure of that.

30minutes later, i had paid in my money and i went outside the banking hall to wait for my beloved friend Brainbox. Atleast if i couldn’t stand for him in the crowd, i could take care of him on our way home and at home, so i tot.

30minutes later, i saw him coming out of the bank putting on a different shirt, holding his soiled shirt on his right hand. He was putting on a GTB t-shirt that was crested in front “the bank that loves you”.

I guessed they had shown him love, while i displayed the opposite.

I guessed they were his friend indeed, and i was a fake friend. because like they say; “A friend in need is a friend indeed”.
The next day was Saturday. The Saturday I and Snoop was to go train in his Dojang.

With our Dobok in our bag, we were off to Old stadium Owerri.

People jogging around added a little beautiful to the old unkept stadium. By the left was a gym, a ghetto gym.

We got to the Dojang to meet about 20students and two Sabum Nim. We Kyong ye to the two Sabum Nim and we joined the class. That was after Snoop had introduced me as his friend.

Sabum Nim is a Taekwondo Terminology that is said to reffer to the Teacher or instructor. Kyong ye means to bow. Do Bok means training uniform. Dojang means training hall.

In Taekwondo, there is no sex discrimination. Male and Female train together. But just that little children train separately.

Two heavily a”ssed Black belter ladies were training in front of me. I concentrated more on their well carved pathing frames than on the exercise i was practising.

I took a glimpse at Snoop, he looked more handsome on Do Bok. His plaited hair reminded me of his role model Snoop Dogg.

After 2hours of stretching, jogging, kicking pads, punching bags and self defence training, it was time for sparring.

For 30minutes, i sat down to watch the children spar. The children were excellent, albeit some of them gave funny kicks. I learnt alot from their mistakes nevertheless.

The adult sparring started with Snoop fighting with a Red belter. Snoop was beaten black and blue by the Red belter. There was an Axe kick the Red belter gave Snoop on the head, had it not being for the headguard he wore, the kick would surely tore Snoop’s head to pieces.

I watched so many other funny fight that really entertained me. Like when one Female Blue Belter mistakenly fell on the head of a Male Yellow Belter that was about surrendering.

Soon it was my time to spar. And my opponent was one of the a”sses or rather ladies i was staring at. I stared at her tiny b”reast as she put on the b”reastplate made of foam. “i go beat this one na” I said to myself as i wore my protective fighting armour.

Even though she was a Black belter and i was a Red belter, i was sure i would still win the fight, if not for anything, just for the fact that she was Female. Or so i tot.

“Charyot!!” the instructor yelled, “kyong ye!” he said and we bowed. “Si Jak” he yelled, and fight began.

Charyot is a call to Attention. Saying “Si Jak” is like saying “Action” when shooting a Movie.

So fight began.
She gave a first attack of a round house kick to my stomach. Since the kick was hard, two points was awarded to her. I sent a punch to her chest in return. If not for the protective b”reastplate she wore, such a punch could fall off her b”reast. A point was awarded to me.

I swayed to different directions, saying in my mind, “how woman go win me?”. Forgetting the saying: “what a Man can do, a woman can do better”.

Suddenly, a 360degree kick came to my face, giving her three points. She sent another 360degree kick, this time i was fast enough to block with an Ulgool mahki.

Ulgool Mahki means face block.

Within a twinkle of an eye, she sent two Balumba Dohlio chagi with so much speed, one of the kicks got me at my lower abdomen, giving her two points.

Balumba Dohlia chagi means kicking a round house kick with the leg in front turning clockwise or anticlockwise.

I sent a knife kick to her throat, giving me two points.

It seemed the knife kick i sent to her throat brought out the Lioness in her as she sent several kicks that almost got me.

All of a sudden, sweat from my forehead dripped into my eyes making me go blind.

The next thing i heard was, “gbuuuuuuup!!” “gbuuuuuuuup!!” two heavy Axe kicks landed on my head making me seat down compulsorily.

She sent just two kicks to my head, but i saw an imaginary third kick to my face that sent me straight the ground.

I saw so many Stars around my head. I saw the Moon also.

In my head, a music was playing. A rap music maybe.

I surrendered.
“madam Ifeoma say after we work today finish, we go wait until when her pekin wey dey abroad send money before we go continue the work” Man said on our way to work the next working day.

The response i recieved for greeting Madam Ifeoma “Good Morning” was a signal indicating she wanted to see me at the usual place.

I really needed what she wanted because its been long i did it last.

As i walked towards Old Solja’s room, i was wondering why she wanted s’ex that early. Well, like they say; “the early bird gets the morning warmth”

I got to the room, and what my eyes saw was too heavy to be said by my mouth.

Madam Ifeoma was using a V”ibrator on herself. That was my first time of seeing such physically. With my mouth ajar, i walked closer to see that she was really enjoying the sweet s£nsat!on the V”ibrator sent to her Medulla Oblongata.

I stood there for about 10minutes, of which it seemed she hardly noticed my presence.

As i continued staring at her, my d!ckson stood saying; “hello!! Can you give me some work to do here!! Can i join the action?”. “shut up!! Can’t you see that Oga kpatakpata is busy with Madam?” I said to my d!ckson and it reduced a bit in length.

Since it was my first time of seeing a Woman using a V”ibrator, i wanted to feed my eyes to the fullest.

She turned, and saw me, then she said, “come i join us”. “join wetin? my p’rick no big reach that Oga wey dey there oh” I almost said.

I came to join her or rather them after i had undressed. It was really obvious that my d!ckson couldn’t match up the huge V”ibrator she was using. It looked more like the d’ick of a horse while mine looked more like a d’ick that had caught cold.

I opened her bag to find c’ondoms, i wore one and headed straight to resume duty.

As i inserted my d!ckson into her swimming pool, it seemed my d!ckson stepped on a quicksand and was sinking. Her formerly normal size swimming pool had turned to an Olympic size swimming pool.

She wasn’t enjoying it, likewise me. I couldn’t give it to her how she wanted. The Ike Nwoke style.

As i finished making a f’ool of myself, i wore my clothes. To my surprise, as i was about leaving, she handed over some money to me. I initially refused accepting, not until she threatened, “you must take it oh, except you want my trouble”. Troubles were what i had gotten a handful of lately, and i needed no more of it. So i collected the money i assumed to be not less than 8k. My four days kponkpon pay.
As i left Old solja’s room, all i was pondering was; why she gave me the money? Had i been substituted? Was she paying me off for a job not well done? Who could my substitute be? A Striker or a Defender? because a striker that could score goals like Drogba was who she needed. Well, even though i wasn’t the highest goal scorer, atleast i sustained no injury, just that she gave me Red card.

I saw Man as a potential substitute, so i was staring at him as we continued working, “Flow why you dey look me like this na?” Man asked, “I just dey look you say i go like buy beer for you after work” I said with a smile.

“Mr Flow!! Mr Flow!! U be correct man” Man and Brainbox cheered. “shebi u dey wayah Madam Ifeoma abi?” Brainbox said suddenly, “everytime wey she call you go Old solja room, na to wayah abi?” Man added. “sssssshh! Make una no shout so Ochagbuorie and Igbakwambo no go hear” I whispered to them. “them know na, u think say dem no know?” Brainbox said.

“But make i tell una true oh, she no dey give me money oh, i dey wayah her free of charge, i just wan buy una beer with my kponkpon money wey i go get today” I stated.

I wondered how they were all aware of my f’lings with Madam Ifeoma.

Well, like an adage in pidgin English goes; “leg wey dey waka Pian Pian, eye wey dey see Pian Pian dey see am”

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