Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 13

8 years ago

Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 13

Next day we were off to work.

Before i left for work, Baba jay had told me he would be going to the bank later in the day, so i gave him some money to pay into my bank account. because the fear of the Notorious BIG was the beginning of wisdom. The money comprised of the “s’hit” money and my 4k share of the money Chief gave us.

My bank account that had been pennyless for a while now, could now smile.

“Man, how today work go be na?” i asked as we walked to the site after taking breakfast at Mama Calabar canteen.

“when we reach site, u go know how the work go be” Man answered.

We got to the site and met Madam Ifeoma.

“how are you today?” She said, “good morning ma, we are fine ma” Man and Brainbox replied, but i almost said, “good morning ma, you are fine ma”. because madam Ifeoma was looking so “sweat sixteen”, with her Jeans mini skirt revealing her “yellow” fresh l’aps.

“ehnnn guys the cement left will not be enough for today’s work” Madam Ifeoma informed us, “so what do we do ma?” Man asked. “i will like two of you to come with me to where we will buy more cement, so you will help me load it into the truck, and when the truck brings it here, u will also offload it” She said, “not for free oh, 20naira for loading, 20naira for offloading” She added.

“ehnnn Flow na me and u go go do dis Sugar baby” Man our boss said, and whatever he said was final. Brainbox wasn’t happy at Man’s decision. I could read what he was saying in his mind: “so u like Flow pass me abi?”. He never knew it was better he stayed behind, than coming to have a taste of Sugar baby. The dreaded Sugar baby.

Sugar baby was the code name for loading and offloading cement.

As Madam Ifeoma drove us on her Honda car, i couldn’t take my eyes off her fresh l’aps because i was seating in front. I wondered why Man refused seating it front.

My volcano erupted instantly, forming a mountain that was noticeable.

As she stretched out her right hand to change gear, i tot she was reaching for my d’ick. My erected d’ick sure looked like a car gear lever.

We arrived the cement depot in no time. It was time for the much awaited Sugar baby. I tot as the name “Sugar baby” literally meant sweatness, so would the work be sweat. Yes! It was sweat. Bitterly sweat.

While Madam ifeoma was bargaining the price with the cement sellers, we went to change to our kponkpon attire. Also, we were putting on sunglasses to prevent the cement particles from entering our eyes.

Sugar baby started.

My intention was to carry more Sugar baby than Man wey dey “always” reason. He reasons better when it was time for work. We were to carry 200bags of cement. 20naira to load a bag into the truck, and 20naira to offload a bag at the site. Which is, 40naira for the loading and offloading of each bag of cement.

After One hour of hectic Sugar baby, we finished with the first half scores as: SugarBaby Flow 82bags — SugarBaby Man 118bags.
As we entered the back of the truck and it moved slowly behind Madam Ifeoma’s car, i consoled myself that i still had “second half” to equalize and that i still had reserved strength to offload the cement, i never knew a part of my body would hinder me greatly.

“aaaaaaaaaaaah!!! My neck” i cried out. “wetin do ur neck?” Man queried. “aaaaaaaah my neck don break” i said. “how your neck no go break? U think say Sugar baby easy?” Man said, “Flow, make i ask u oh, when u lick sugar, how e dey taste?” Man asked, “e dey sweat na” i responded with my hand on my neck. “when u lick plenty sugar, wetin go happen to you?” Man asked again, “u go get jedi jedi na” i responded. “ehen na the Jedi jedi u dey get so, na the Jedi jedi of Sugar baby be say person neck go break” Man narrated laughing at me.

I just needed a Divine healing for the neck pain, or rather Jedi jedi. because i needed to offload more bags than Man wey dey reason.
I managed to slowly finish the second half. At the end SugarBaby Flow scored 82bags for loading and 70bags for offloading, while SugarBaby Man scored 118bags for loading and 130bags for offloading.

We waited for 30minutes before we resumed to “chop” Biscuit.

“unu welldone oh!” Old Solja said as he came to where we were working. “old solja!! Old solja!!” we chorused.

I was mixing the sand and cement and at the same time catching a glimpse of Madam Ifeoma’s a*ss from time to time. The sight of her television shaped a*ss gave me more energy to work.

As she turned to instruct Igbakwambo on where he would keep the moulded blocks, i caught an anterior view of her a’ss, and my mouth was ajar.

Someone came to obstruct my view. It was Old solja. He was discussing something with Madam Ifeoma. As i continued to glance within an interval of 1minute to see if Old solja had finished discussing with her so i would continue from where i stopped, i saw something that surprised me.

Old solja’s shabby trouser was torn widely revealing his mighty s’crotum. It was as if he had two big ripe mangoes hanging as s’crotum. “see dis old man no dey wear p’ant” i mistakenly muttered. It was as if he heard me.

“Wetin u talk Flowa?” Old solja suddenly turned and questioned.

I instantly went d’umb.

“ehn ehnnnn ehnnn i talk say ehnnnnn” i was pretending to be stammering while trying to figure out a lie to tell, “i talk say ehnn ehnnn i talk say see this Old man no dey fear Ant” i finally figured out the best lie.

The best lie indeed, because few words in the first statement sounded similar to some other words in the second statement. Wear and Fear, P’ant and Ant.

But, was there an Ant on the floor? Was a question for another day.
“Obele how far? Give me indomie and egg, with hot Tea” Man ordered as we got to Obele canteen.

He wasn’t talking of Hot Tramadol, but hot cup of Tea.

“Man, for dis kin hot weda you wan drink hot Tea?” I said. “ehen e concern you? No be wetin i wan enjoy with my money i go enjoy?” Man attacked.

“Obele bring the same thing for me” Brainbox ordered after 2minutes.

I had no choice but to say, “Obele me sef want the same thing”.

After the meal, we walked home gisting.

“guy if i finish NYSC, i go go my village go contest for councellor” Brainbox informed us. “if person like u become councellor, that means say una people don die finish be that, u go use ur brain chop all their money finish” I said and we laughed at Brainbox. “BRAINBOX!! BRAINBOX the councellor from Mbaise!!” we hailed.

We entered the compound to meet Daniel and David playing football, “Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!! Man wey dey reason!!” the twins cheered at the top of their voices. “eeeh Children Children!! Make una use dis one buy biscuit chop” Man said offering them a 100naira note. Daniel grabbed the money and ran and David ran after him.

We got to the room to meet an unusual scene. Tega was having a meeting with his Bucanneer Brothers in our room.

“Tega, wetin be dis one na? Na our room be the only place una fit use as una Alora meeting? What of if Pkc come back now, how him go feel?” I said to Tega after i called him outside. “make una no vex abeg, we no go waste time, we dey discuss some important things, abeg make una no vex abeg abeg” Tega pleaded. “na Abeg we go chop? Find us something jor” Man said. “okay make una Manage dis one” Tega said offering us 1000naira. “ehen na now u talk better” Brainbox said smiling. He smiles only when money smiles back at him.

“where other guys go?” I asked Tega.

“PKC go church, Snoop and Bigie dey gamble for dem Bigie room, Baba jay say him wan go swim for Ozommiri river” Tega replied.

“Flow make we go swim na, e don tay wey i swim oh. As we never baf kponkpon comot for our body, we go carry soap and we go baf there” Man suggested. “yes, make we go swim, make i show una say i be fish for water” Brainbox said.

I nodded in aggreement.

What Man and Brainbox never knew was that Flow could flow any other place but not in water.

That their friend Flow could drown even in a gutter filled with water. Not to talk of swiming in a tributary of the dreaded Otammiri river.

At that moment i remembered what was written in a sign post at FUTO, warning students not to swim in the Otammiri tributary. It read: “Wherever you go, Whatever you do. Do not swim in Otammiri River. Many had passed away”.

Would Flow join those that had passed away? God forbid!!
“make una enter water na” Baba jay said as he was swimming skillfully in a butterfly stroke.

“Flow, pull ur cloth make we enter water na” Man who was already stark n*aked said to me.

“so we no go wear anything? We go n*aked?” I replied, “before nkor, u see any woman here, everybody wey dey here na Man like u, abi u dey fear water?” Man queried. “how i go fear water, i be small pekin?” i answered a question with a question.

That we were all guys wasn’t a cogent reason to bathe stark n*aked. Water creatures could sting our d’ick, you know? So i tot.

As Man removed his clothes, my eyes went to nowhere else but his extra large d’ick. “oboy eeeeeh!! na only u carry dis big thing!” I yelled with my mouth wide open. “u like my p’rick? Na Ak47 oh, any babe wey i catch for bed must beg me before i go free her” Man said. “Man wey dey reason!! Your prick sef dey carry kponkpon” I teased with my mouth still wide open.

Man’s d’ick wasn’t as huge as a tuber of Cassava, but as huge as a tuber of Yam, infact his name should have been d!ckson and not Man.

While the d’ick of Brainbox was an “eyesore”. It was so small and unkept that i could barely see the shalf because it was covered by the bushy hairs. It was so unkept that if you call the bushy hairs in it a “tropical rain forest” you wouldn’t be far from the truth.

Don’t ask me, about mine? Since my d’ick was my most valuable asset, i took care of it how best i could. Although i had not “feed” it for a while now, i knew “food” would soon come. Or so i tot.

Everybody were in water Swimming except Flow, i was pondering how best to dive in. “Flow enter water na, u dey fear?” Brainbox said.

“How i go fear!” i replied

“gbooodoooooom!!” i dived into the River like an Elephant.

Not knowing sorrow was already knocking at my door. But it was left for me to open my door or not to open.

TBC…….