Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 14

8 years ago

Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 14

Baba jay was skillfully displaying butterfly stroke at the “deep” part of the River.

Man was “more” skillfully displaying backstroke at the “deeper” part of the River.

Brainbox was “most” skillfully displaying b’reaststroke at the “deepest” part of the River.

While Mr Flow was “mostest” skillfully displaying “Okpolo” stroke at the shallow end of the River.

In Yoruba language, Okpólò means Frog, and it could be interpreted to mean Awó in Igbo Language.

I was peacefully swimming, or rather taking my bath in the shallow part of the River, when something grabbed my d’ick.

“yeeeeeeeeeh!! Fish don chop my p’rick oh!! make una help me oh!!” I cried out for help.

The Fish never saw the d’ick of Brainbox to eat, it never saw the huge d’ick of Man to feed on, it never saw the d’ick of Baba jay to munch. But it preffered the most precious d’ick of Flow, but why? Or was my d’ick the biggest bait? No, of course. If it wanted the biggest bait, then Man’s d’ick was the right choice.

“aaaaaaaaaaaah!! Make una come help me, e don chop my p’rick oooh” i cried. All of a sudden, Brainbox brought his head out of water right in front of me, laughing at me. The others also laughed beyond control.

At that moment, it dawned on me that Brainbox was the Fish that held my d’ick. “Brainbox, which kin play be this na?” I said. “so naso u like ur p’rick reach” He replied still laughing. “oooh, so u no like ur own p’rick?” I said with a frown.

After about 10minutes, Brainbox came again with mischief, this time dragging me to the deep part of the River. “Brainbox abeg na, i no sabi swim, abeg na” I pleaded, “na one day dem dey take learn something” He said still dragging me forcefully. I pleaded, and pleaded, all to no avail.

He took me to a very deep part and left me. Where he left me, the current was moving so fast. I tried my “Okpolo” stroke, but it failed me. The current was so strong that I was gradually flowing with it.

“Flow! Flow!! Flow!!!” my guys were cheering.

“Help!! Make una help!! I don dey die oh, Help!!” I cried for help in my mind, i couldn’t speak it out because i had instantly gone d’umb.

The current was gradually pulling my body mass and my friends were laughing. I was dying slowly and my friends were laughing. Otammiri was killing me gradually and my friends were laughing.

“Lord am coming home, take my soul, if this is where my life clock stop, then take my soul, but if my life clock hasn’t stopped yet, pls take my hand and save me” I said a quick prayer. I stretched out my right hand in faith that the Lord would grab it and save me.

Just at the nick of time, a hand grabbed my right hand. It was the hand of Brainbox, or rather the hand of God.

I was saved by the bell.
“Man, today work go make sense oh” Brainbox said after we left Mama Calabar canteen the next morning. “ehn e go make sense na, today one of una go serve mason, na me go be the mason” Man informed. “wetin the other person go com dey do?” I inquired curiously.

“when we reach site you go know wetin the other person go dey do” Man said, “but wetin i know be say na today we dey start body work, and i go choose one of una wey go serve me” Man added.

“ehnn today we are starting the body work” Madam Ifeoma said as we sat to listen to her instructions, “since u are five in number, it will be two masons and also two labourers that would serve the masons” Madam Ifeoma said. “and the person left will be in charge of fetching water from that block industry over there” She said pointing to the block industry across the road. “because the water in our tank has finished and our water supplier said their supply vehicle is under repairs that they will not come to supply today but tomorrow” She added.

“so you will have to decide who amongst you will do the fetching, the person will be paid 100naira per drum of water” Madam Ifeoma said.

“Flow will do that ma” Man decided and whatever he decided was final, since he was the Chief Kponkpon officer.

I wasn’t happy with his decision, but what was i to do? the “boss” has made the selection. And like they say; “the boss is always right”.

I took two 25litres containers and headed straight to the block industry.

In kponkpon work, water is one vital thing, its importance can’t be over-emphasized. So, how fast the work for that day would go is dependent on how fast i supplied water.

The block industry was located very close to a bus stop. So i disguised myself by putting on sunglasses and a face cap, so that whoever sees me wouldn’t recognise me.

So, with my sunglasses, face cap, and my “elegant” kponkpon attire, i started fetching the water. Not knowing what the nearest future holds.

I had finished fetching one drum. As i crossed the road and walked towards the block industry, “Flow! Flow!!” someone was calling me, it was a female voice.

I initially tot it was another Flow the person was calling and not my Flow, because no female knew i was doing kponkpon.

“Flow!! Flow!!” the voice continued. This time, i was convinced it was my Flow, so i turned.

Lo and behold, i saw Kate catwalking towards me. “so dis is where you work? u are a labourer?” She said as she came close. “ehnn, i am a Civil Engineering student, and am doing my six month IT here” I almost said.
“ehnn, i am the Site Engineer of that site” I found the best lie. A lie i neatly said pointing to our Site. “ok, i came to see one of my male friend, he owns dis block industry” Kate said pointing at the same block industry i was fetching water from. “so na one of ur sugar daddy get dis block industry?” i almost said.

Kate took her time and stood with me for a while asking me some irrevant questions about my job as the Site Engineer, i was simply answering her questions with lies. Big, fat, award winning lies.

From the corner of my left eye, i saw Brainbox standing at the other side of the road. Maybe he wanted to buy something from the nearby shop, so i tot.

“Flow!! We dey wait for you na, water don finish” Brainbox yelled. Kate heard that, she turned and saw Brainbox. “Brainbox don kill me oh!” i tot. I felt like the ground should open up and swallow me.

How could a Site Engineer be fetching water for the site, How?
After a hard day’s kponkpon, the thought of Paapa’s place comes to mind.

“make we go take igboh na” Man suggested. “mehn na true oh, e don tay wey i shark igboh oh, since two days now” I replied.

I, Man, Snoop and Tupac were off to Paapa’s place.

“Tupac, what of Bigie na, i never see am since today, where him go?” Man asked, “him travel go him village dis morning, but him go come back tomorrow” Tupac responded.

We were puffing, puffing to forget our sorrows, puffing to forget our pains, puffing to bring joy into our lives.

“una know say, i fit become the president of Nigeria?” I suddenly said.

“hahahahahaha!! No dey make me laugh jor, how u wan take be President? who u be? Who u know?” Tupac said. “i be Flow, i know Baba God and i go win if i come out for next election” i was’nt sure if i said that or the “igboh in me” said that. “how u think say u go win, u get god father? u get money? Which political party u dey?” Man was asking uncountable questions.

“imagine say i call my party FLOW PEOPLE’S PARTY(FPP), how u see am?” I said, “e go make sense oh, when u dey campaign, u go share igboh for everybody say make dem vote for u, even the Logo of ur party go be picture of igboh” Snoop said.

“And ur Party slogan go be; FLOW PEOPLE’S PARTY!!! IGBOH FOR ALL” Man said causing an atmosphere of laughter.

In a country where dreams never comes through, in a country where the Youths never ascends the throne of power, in a country where corruption is the in thing. A brother is Dreaming to serve his Nation, a brother is promising to flush corruption. If only he would be given a chance. Like the saying goes: “if wishes were horses, even FLOW will ride”.

Why i loved Igboh was that, it not only brings out the best in you, it makes you dream big. And it makes you put in your best in whatever you do.

Oh!! How i wish our political office holders were all Igboh smokers, this Nation would have been a better place, because they would put in their best to serve the Nation.
Saturday came like every other day.

“Flow lead us in prayer” Pkc said during morning devotion.

“Lord thank You for our lives, thank You for the good things You have done for us, thank You for our daily bread, yes, we know we are sinners, have mercy on us and deliver us from evil, in Jesus name………… Amen” i said a short and sharp prayer.

“i told u guys that we will be going to the market to buy some foodstuff, and 2days ago i mentioned that we will be contributing 1000naira each. Here is mine” Pkc said stamping a 1000naira note on the floor.

I also stamped mine, Brainbox brought out his own 1000naira and dropped it, Man did the same, so did Tega and Snoop. But when it was time for Baba jay to bring out his own contribution, the story changed, “ehnnn, una know say i no dey do any work, and i get so many problem wey i need to settle for sch, make una help me abeg, i know say una dey try for me” Baba jay said wearing a “pity” face. “Baba jay nobody wey no get problem for sch oh, i no come here come feed person oh” Brainbox said.

“shebi i don tell u before make u follow me go do kponkpon, u say u be Old man and u no get strength to do that kin work, make i tell u, e get one guy wey dey do kponkpon with us him name na Igbakwambo, the guy go senior u by far, d guy get two pekin sef” Man said. “pls forget about Baba jay, we are his Brothers to help him no matter the situation” Pkc said.

“now, the two persons that will go to buy the things in the market are Flow and Brainbox” Pkc said.

My Oh my!! Flow and Brainbox that blends together like Bread and butter.

My prayer was that Brainbox shouldn’t try L102 in Ekonunwa market. Or else?

TBC…..