Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 10

8 years ago

Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 10

“Make una bring water na” Man shouted fidgety. His shouting didn’t move me an inch, i just concentrated on getting more meat than Brainbox.
After the meat “challenge”, this was the scores: Flow 3- Brainbox 5. I wasn’t happy Brainbox got more meat than me.
Like the cliche goes, “like minds, reason alike”. I and Brainbox were wise enough not to eat any of the meat, instead we kept them all in our pockets, in other not to arose suspicions.

Water was sprinkled on Baba jay, and he returned to the land of the living coughing.

We all sighed with relief that our most precious Baba jay had “resurected”.

It was time to continue eating the delicious “Ofe Ogbono”.

“i dey come make i go piss” Brainbox excused himself, “me sef wan go piss” i said instantly before i would turn out to be the scape goat.

Brainbox dashed out of the room with the speed of light, i followed. We both ran as if we were in a 100metre race. “thief!! Thief!! Catch them!! Ole!! Ndi oshi!!” were the voices i heard shouting from inside.

What we never knew was that a tragedy awaited us outside.
We found nowhere convinient enough to seat and munch our meat but the Backyard.

We sat beside Kate’s window. We brought out the meat, held it on our hands and was about to start eating it when i heard, “aaaaaah! Aaaaah!! U are almost there!! Harder!! Harder!! Aaaaaah” Kate was m0an!ng noisily. Initially i thought it was from the Tv, maybe she was watching a B’lue f’ilm.

It was a B’lue f’ilm of course, a B’lue f’ilm with Kate acting the “lead role” and a pot bellied Man acting the “supporting role”, while I and Brainbox were acting the role of “Waka pass”.

The pot bellied Man was trying hard to satisfy Kate, all to no avail.

The Pot bellied Man that was old enough to be Kate’s Dad was on top while Kate was below. Seeing Kate’s succulent b’reast made my “Johnny bravo” stood at attention.

“harder!! Harder!! Harder!!” Kate the “Commander in Chief of bedmatics” commanded.

“Kate go kill person papa oh” i tot. From the corner of my eyes, i saw that Branbox was keenly watching the sex scene as if he was watching a movie in the Cinema.

We had practically forgotten we were holding meat in our hands.

“harder!! Harder!! Harder!!” the Commander in Chief commanded again. As i heard the word “harder” this time, my d’ick stood harder as if i was the one f”ucking her.

“harder!! Harder!! Harder!! Harder!!” the Commander in Chief commanded yet again pissing me off, because i couldn’t imagine a lady Commanding me to give it to her “harder”. I would simply give it to her “hardest”.

“harder!! Harder!!” Commander Kate commanded even yet again, this time i couldn’t help but said, “give the babe harder na” in a low voice.

I instantly felt like chewing back my words, but it had already flew to Kate’s hearing. They already heard what i said.

There was instant silence both on their part and on our part. I tot we were safe. I was wrong, we weren’t safe.

Kate stood up, removed the boiling ring from the bucket of water she left boiling.

“dis one wan go baf, dem don wayah her finish, she wan go baf hot water” so i tot.

And, “poooooaaaaaah!!” she poured the content of the bucket on us.

The water wasn’t just hot, it was piping hot.

“chineke moh!! I don die oh!! Yeeeeeeh!!” I and Brainbox shouted and fled.

Meat wey we thief, we no even chop am sef.
Monday came with the thought of kpokponity.

“guy, shebi una know say all of una for that house na Graduate, na only me still dey look for Admission, that one no mean say all of una senior me oh, i be old man oh, i don write JAMB five times, this one wey i wan write dis year go make am six” Man narrated as we walked to the site after eating at Mama Calabar canteen.
“e no mean anything na, no worry you go get am this year” Brainbox sympatized with Man.
“you be Olodo be that na, no worry na until JAMB give u award na that time you go know, if na kponkpon Exam dem dey write u go pass am” i dared not say that.

I could still feel the unending burning s£nsat!on in my neck as a result of the “hot water bath” Kate gave us.
We arrived a bit late at the site that morning.
“Old solja good morning” We chorused. “ehen, unu good morning” Old solja replied.

“Madam Ifeoma don come, she talk say today unu go mould block, say as the casting don finish make unu mould block wey unu go use start the body of the work” Old solja narrated, “Old solja she give u money abi?” the money concious Igbakwambo asked.
“yes na, she give me money make i pay unu after work, she say she dey go somewhere nahim make she say make i come watch unu as unu go work today” Old Solja replied. “but Old solja how much be the price to chop one biscuit na?” Man asked.
“na 20naira for one biscuit na, na the normal price wey dem dey pay everywhere na” Old solja replied.
“Chop biscuit” was the code name for moulding building blocks. So the amount of biscuit you “chop” would determine how much you would smile home with.
Work started.
Since I and Brainbox were inexperience in “choping Biscuit” we teamed up with Man our “Master”. While Igbakwambo and Ochagbuorie made a deadly team.
I and Brianbox were mixing the cement and sand with our shovel and pouring it for Man who was moulding and offloading the blocks.
After about 1hour of hard labour, the half time Scores was: Team Man 51blocks – Team Igbakwanbo 62blocks. How on earth can Igbakwambo and Ochagbuorie be stronger than three able bodied men? Unless of course they drank overdose of Tea before coming to work.
Just when i said we needed to increase our speed, Old solja glanced at I and Brainbox as we were practically fighting with our shovel, then he said, “Flowa and Brain make unu mix the cement and sand well well oh”.
“Old Solja our name na Flow and Brainbox, no be Flowa and Brain” i corrected.
At the end of the day, Team Igbakwambo won with 105blocks, while Team Man moulded 86 blocks only.
Rice and Beans was sure more Lucrative than Biscuit, or so i thought.
Mixing Rice and Beans was sure more hectic than Choping Biscuit, or so i thought.
After the “Biscuit choping”, it was time to eat, not to eat Biscuit but to swallow Fufu.
When such urge beckons, the thought of Soroagwa came to mind.
The problem that lies ahead was how to share the Biscuit money.
“Soroagwa, i want Fufu and Okro soup, u go mix am small Egusi, u go com add am small vegetable soup” Man ordered for almost all the soups in the world, i was imagining how the mixture would look like.

“ehen Flow take dis 500naira, na ur biscuit money be dat” Man said offering me a worn out 500naira note. “Brainbox na your own be dis” He offered Brainbox his own 500naira.

“una know say Biscuit work na nonesense work, and person no dey use Biscuit work get better money, if person wan get better money the person go mix rice and Beans be that” Man said.

“how much you com collect?” the Brainy Brainbox asked “i collect 600naira, i give Old solja 120, u know say that Man try for us, him no tackle us like Madam Ifeoma dey do” Man said. Only God knows if he actually gave Old solja the money he said he gave him.

“guy my skin don spoil finish oh, see as my skin white” I complained. “u no dey rob that vaseline wey i keep for site?” Man inquired, “i dey rob am na” i replied. “no worry, naso e do me when i just start kponkpon, e go stop” Man assured.

Soroagwa brought the “concoction”.

The concoction looked mouth watering to me, so i ordered, “Soroagwa bring the same thing for me”, “na 300naira for a plate if u want the mixture oh” Soroagwa said. “no wahala bring am like that, add am one bottle of Coke join” I ordered without thinking.

If my tongue could speak, it would have attested to the fact that the concoction was delicious, but my prayer was that the concoction should seat confortably in my stomach.

Legend has it that the first day one eats a food that his/her system isn’t used to, there is a 60% chances that he/she would throw up.

As i continued eating, i wished that i wouldn’t throw up in the near future. Just a wish, and like the saying goes: “if wishes were horses, beggers will ride”.

After the concoction meal, i paid, and i was given a change of 130naira which was the only money left with me.

Well, it was the Only money left with me because earlier that morning, i had hide all the money with me in my bag, leaving home with only 250naira; of which i used to pay after eating at Mama Calabar’s canteen. I was advised by the Brainy Brainbox to do so, his words: “Flow, since we dey go work and we go get money, no need to carry money go, if u carry money go site, u go spend am, and person need to dey save oh”

Though i locked my bag with a padlock, but my prayer was that the Notorious BIG shouldn’t pay our room a visit. A visit to steal.

Or else i would be doomed.

“oga Benson give us Tea” Man ordered as we got to Oga Benson’s shop. “how many tablet?” Oga Benson asked.

“Flow how many dose u want?” Man asked me. “na one dose oh, i never wan die, my time never reach” i confessed.

“Brainbox, you nkor?” He asked Brainbox, “na two dose i want” Brainbox answered.

“see Brainbox dey ask for two dose oh, abi him think say tramadol na paracetamol?” i tot.

I just hope he wouldn’t regret asking for two dose. Well, all i had to do was to exercise patience for time to tell.

Man collected the money for one dose from me. So the 130naira i had left was reduced to 100naira.

“make we go barb our hair na” Man suggested, “make we go, my bear bear don grow well well sef” i said, “but which better barber go fit barb us wella?” Brainbox asked, “Ade na correct barber, him go fit barb us” Man replied. “who be Ade?” i asked Man.

“when we reach there, u go see am” i knew the answer before he answered.

Like a typical Yoruba guy, Ade was playing the song of his name sake Sunny Ade when we entered his barber’s shop.

I wondered what would make a typical “O’femmanu” boy like Ade leave his O’femmanu land for greener pastures in the “Land of the Jews”. I promised myself i would find out.

Ade was a tall dark guy. He was the perfect description of Handsome Hunk. He was very handsome, but something spoilt his handsomeness; his tribal marks.

He was the perfect description of, “i fight Lion, Lion com finger me for face”.

Ade’s barber’s shop was beautiful, frankly speaking the most beautiful of all the barber’s shop i had seen in a long while.

“Ade shebi to barb and shave na 150?” Man asked, “Yes na, una wan barb?” Ade asked a s’tupid question, “no we come to play ball for your barbing salon” i almost said.

“Brainbox abeg, na 100naira i hold here and i wan barb and shave, help me with 50naira make i add” I whispered to Brainbox as we sat waiting for our turn. “if i give u 50naira, u go pay me back 100naira, u aggree?” Brainbox said, “comot jor, u too like money, money wey mistake enter ur pocket don miss road be dat” i cursed.

I turned left and asked Man to help me with the 50naira. Onlike Brainbox, he gave me the money without thinking twice. That was why i so much loved “Man wey dey reason”, he was selfless and not selfish.

After Ade finished giving us a nice hair cut and we paid, it instantly dawned on me that my Biscuit money was finished. What was suppose to be a “take home pay” couldn’t even take me half way home.

TBC…….