Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 8

8 years ago

Story: Man Wey Dey Reason - Season 1 Episode 8

We got home in time to meet an opened bottle of Saint Remy. With music playing from our sound system, the room was sure in a party mood.
“Flow bring cup make we pour Saint Remy drink na” Brainbox said. I brought two cups and we joined the others drinking.
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“make una see King Edward wey una go mix joint the Saint Remy oh” Tega the Celebrant offered two bottles of King Edward dry gin. “u wan kill person? How we go mix King Edward and Saint Remy” i almost said.

“ehen, Flow and Brainbox, dis na Opopo my Friend and dis na Lydia my babe” Tega introduced his friend and his “skinny” girlfriend. I simply shook hands with the both of them, Opopo’s hand was bony while Lydia’s hand was pure bone and no flesh, it was as if i was shaking the hand of a skeleton.
“guy see ur Cardinal boxers oh” Brainbox said offering Snoop the “customised” boxers. “how u take get the boxers?” Snoop asked after comfirming it was truely Cardinal. “why u wan know, as far as i don buy ur boxers, how i take buy am no be ur concern” Brainbox said.
“what of Pkc na?” I asked nobody in particular. “him don go church, him say him no go sleep here dis nite, because him wan dey church and prepare for service tommorow, u know say tommorow na Sunday” Man replied.

Tega and his friend Opopo were gisting with infusion of slangs. Snoop soon Joined the gist. And Lydia also. “so dis girl na Black B’ra girl!! nawa oh”.
Black B’ra was the female cult that was affiliated to .

So it was only I and Man that weren’t a members of anything “Black”, and of course Baba Jay.
I wasn’t good at drinking dry gin, so i stuck to drinking only Saint Remy. Though Saint Remy wasn’t any better. Man was gulping the King Edward very fast, Baba Jay was faster, and Snoop was fastest.

We were drinking our third Bottle of Saint Remy when someone knocked at the Door, “come in” Snoop said after reducing the volume of the music playing. I initially tot it was Tupac and Bigie that were knocking, It wasn’t them. It was MOG.

He came in, picked up an empty bottle of Saint Remy, stared at it for a while. The whole room was as quite as a graveyard. I tot MOG’s next line of action would be to hite one of us on the head with he bottle he was holding, and crown his action “a fight for the gospel”.

He did nothing of that nature. Instead he said, “so u people are drinking alcohol ehn”. “why una no tell me say King Edward na Alcoholic drink na, una com let me follow una dey drink, i think say King Edward na soft drink oh” Man tried to cover up his Sin. But that was sure the most f’oolish way to go about it.
“u dey mad Man, so King Edward don turn to Soft drink abi, MOG no mind am oh, him follow us dey drink oh” I said and Man winked at Me. “i am not here to argue with u guys, i just came to inform u guys that a bus would be coming to Nekede to pick our Members to church tomorrow, the bus would be at Uzommiri bus stop by 7am tomorrow, u guys should try to catch up with the bus ok!” MOG narrated.

“Ok, i will be leaving, see u guys tomorrow in church, Brother Ugo i want to see u outside” MOG said. I almost Forgot Ugo was my name.
I thought it was the beginning of my doom. I thought it was Judgement Day. I was scared. “wetin him wan see me for na? abi na only me drink” I tot as i walked outside to meet MOG.

“Man of God, i am very sorry, pls forgive me, it is the devil that made me drink, i promise not to drink again, pls am am am am am sorry” i stammered.
“you shouldn’t ask me for forgiveness, ask God for Forgiveness, He will forgive u, because He is a merciful God, Jesus died for our sins remember!” MOG preached. One thing i liked about MOG was that he was the perfect description of “pulpit on the move”, he could preach the Gospel anywhere he found himself, even in a bar.

Talking of bar, while we were at Umunkoto, there was a night MOG came to our house bleeding seriously. He later told us he went to a bar to preach the Gospel and an angry guy at the bar smashed bottle on his head. He only told us the “part 2” of the story, without telling us the “part 1”, because he never told us what warranted the guy to smash the bottle on his head. Maybe he was forcefully insisting the guy gave his life to Christ, just maybe.
The indelible mark of the injury he sustained was clearly visible in the right side of his head as a proof of his Love for Christ. MOG was the kind of pastor that could die for the Gospel’s Sake.

“why i wanted to see you was because i wanted you to pls help me with 200naira” MOG said showing me his two fingers to illustrate 200naira, a sign he always used when begging for money. MOG was the kind of Pastor that whatever he wanted, he gets. Even if he wanted the World Bank as a birthday gift, he would simply ask his heavenly Father, and it would be granted.

At that moment, it was as if i saw Angel Gabriel standing beside MOG saying, “u better give him that money or………………”. “i go give am oooh” i cried out.
“brother Ugo are u okay?” MOG queried. “am okay pastor, is just that i have 500naira with me, let me go make change from Nkiru’s shop” i said. “don’t worry, just give me the 500naira, the Lord knows why he provided u with 500naira note. He want to bless u greatly, because the blessing of 500naira is not the same as the blessing of 200naira” MOG explained.

I brought out my wallet reluctantly and removed 500naira from the 1000naira Bigie gave me earlier.
“mehhnn!! nawa for dis MOG oh, see as him don short me 500naira” i grumbled as i walked into the room, not knowing that the “500naira blessing” MOG talked about was waiting for me inside.

“Flow wetin MOG tell u for Outside sef?” Baba jay asked as i entered. “normal thing na, him say make i find am small money” i responded.
“ehen, as u and MOG dey outside dey yan, Bigie come return ur jeans wey him borrow from u yesterday, see am there” Baby Jay said pointing at where the trouser was.

I took the trouser and wore it, “Bigie don make dis trouser big for me oh, why i give am sef” i complained and the whole house laughed. I felt something was inside the pocket of the jean trouser so i deeped my hands into the pocket. I felt something like a roll of R’itzler in the right pocket. “shey dis Bigie dey sell igboh? See as him pack plenty R’itzler put for pocket” i tot. It wasn’t a roll of Ritzler but a roll Money.

I couldn’t bring my right hand out of the pocket, because it had instantly stuck to the Money like bee to nectar. Even if my right hand came out of the pocket, i promised myself it wouldn’t come out with the money because my guys were ready to “kill, steal and destroy” to get their share of the money.
I was sure the money wouldn’t be less than 3k. I thought for a while of how i could spend the money quickly before Bigie would realize his mistakes, so i concluded and said,

“Brainbox make we go Nkiru side na, i wan buy 1500 recharge card”.
My mission was to buy the recharge card from Nkiru’s shop, and leave. I never knew Brainbox had a seperate plan. L102
“Nkiru i wan buy 1500 recharge card, MTN” i ordered as we got to Nkiru’s shop. “Oga Haruna, i dey greet oh” I greeted Huruna her husband who was seated in the shop carrying their baby. “oga Haruna i hail oh” Brainbox also greeted.

Brainbox stood at my back staring at the wares on display. Unaware to me that he had already started “writing” L101 “exam” and his next course would be L102.
“oga Haruna, dis una pekin fine oh” i flattered as i carried the little baby from him. I actually said that with heavy irony. “ehen na her mama she resemble na” Haruna said smiling.

My oh my!! The baby was d’amn “beautifully u’gly”, just like her mum. “Like mother, like daughter” goes the popular adage. But my prayer for the baby was that she doesn’t grow up to become u’glier than her mum. If not she would most definately win the “u’gly pageant” as the u’gliest woman in Nigeria.
Brainbox finished writing L101 exam and started writing L102, as i could feel him putting something in my back pocket. I tried to figure out what it could be, then i concluded it to be small size Peak tin milk because it was a bit heavy.

After about 2minutes of carrying the beautifully u’gly baby, i handed her to her Dad, before she would infect me with “u’gly disease” making my unborn child look like her.
Nkiru handed over the 1500 recharge card to me, and i paid.

As i was about turning to leave, i felt another Peak tin milk entered my other back pocket. It seemed Brainbox had not finished writing L102 exam, so i tried to kill time by recharging my phone with the 1500 card. Before i could finish recharging, “pens up!!”, Brainbox signalled the end of L102 exam by pinching me at the back.

As we walked out of the shop, i saw from the corner of my eyes that Haruna was staring at my two bulging back pockets. Or had we gotten carry over in L102?
“abi him don catch us?” i asked myself as i increased my steps.

“wey Baba jay na?” Brainbox asked as we enter the room. “him dey toilet oh, the guy dey vomit for toilet” Man said. “so na dis Saint Remy wey him drink, nahim make am dey vomit, after him go say him be old man” i said.
“wetin una carry for una pocket na?” Man asked. I brought out the content of my back pocket. I was right, it was two tin Peak milk. Brainbox also emptied his pocket, what he brought out surprised me.

Sadines, tin tomatoes, sachet salt, onion balls were what he stole. We had actually gone shopping, shopping without paying.
“dis Brainbox u be original thief oh, see all the things wey u thief, infact na u be the king of looting for dis house oh” i said.
“which kin king of looting him be? For where Baba jay and Man dey? E get one day wey Baba jay go Nkiru place go do L101, so wen him reach there, him com see say na Boxers him wear and Boxers no dey get pocket, naso him com put the tin tomatoe for him mouth oh, as Nkiru com dey talk to Baba jay, Baba Jay no answer her so she no go know say him put tin tomatoe for him mouth, instead Baba jay just dey shake him head” Snoop narrated. “shey Nkiru catch am?” i asked, “for where, dem dey catch breeze?” Tega added. I believed the story, because Baba jay had a mouth that was wide enough to contain even as much as “five” tin tomatoes conveniently. (kids: don’t try this at home).

“u never hear anything sef, what of Man wey wear Cap go do L101, as him reach Nkiru shop naso him thief dried Fish com put am for the Cap, com wear the Cap for him head” Tega narrated. (kids: you can try this at home, but don’t let mummy catch you).
I couldn’t help but laughed at how guys could go the extra length just to get an A in the course L101. In my Mind, i was trying to figure out between Man and Baba jay who could be called “the course rep.” of L101.

“mehn! Boys get skills for Looting oh” Brainbox confessed and we all laughed.
An hour later, it was time to sleep. It was certian that two persons would be sleeping on the floor. The question was who and who would the two persons be?
Man whispered an idea to me,”Man wey dey reason!!” i cheered.
“Tega, show for outside, me and Man wan see u” i told Tega.

Tega joined us outside and Man said, “u know say Pkc no dey, and u know say na two visitors you bring? That one mean say na two people go sleep for ground, and e no go make sense make ur visitors sleep for ground?” Man explained. “yes na” Tega responded. “so me and Man wan tell u say we go sleep for ground, but u go find us small money” I said, “like how much?” Tega inquired, “just give us 1000naira, 500naira for Flow, 500naira for me” Man said.

“ok, make i give una 600naira abeg” Tega pleaded. “no be groundnut we dey sell wey u go dey price am na” Man said. “u be our main man, no wahala bring am we go manage am like that, bring the 600naira” I added.

As Tega was bringing out the money from his wallet, i recalled what MOG told me earlier, his words: “200naira blessing is not the same as 500naira blessing”. I had already recieved doublefold blessing that day.
TBC…..