Must Read: Awkward Ways I Met Girls

7 years ago

Must Read: Awkward Ways I Met Girls

The Makeshift Love.

Some days have a way of starting out awfully and sharply turning out great.

I woke up feeling very different on this particular day. I sat on the chair in my room, just staring.

Staring blankly, at nothing in particular. I got up & walked into the kitchen to fix a cup of tea. I got to the kitchen and somehow after touching a few things, I walked back out again. I walked to the bed and sat. Like I forgot what I went into the kitchen for.

I got up again and walked to the wardrobe.

I opened it and just stood there looking into it. Looking at everything and at nothing in particular.
Yes, these are the symptoms of boredom! Bored silly in the morning?! Wtf?!!

I decided to watch a movie on my system.

I powered it on, and picked to watch 24 season 2. Few minutes into it, I decided this wasn’t what I wanted to watch.
Damn! Was I just bored? Or confused too? I simply switched to music. Gospel music didn’t go wrong that morning as I began getting myself bit by bit.
I had that hopeless noodles for breakfast. Hopeless? You might ask, but truth is that nobody who has a better choice will settle to start the day with eating noodles. To me, it’s always a food of last resort.

Two super packs at N120 and you’re fixed. If you got enough money on you, two eggs to go along helps reduce the boredom of eating it. Well, of course diced onions, pepper and tomatoes helps too.
Oh! I had just described a morning not too spectacular. It was a weekday. And I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t to meet any client and didn’t have any paperwork to do at the office. A free day. I could just rest at home. But if I stayed home all day I might just go bunkers.

So, I decided to go someplace interesting.

Cinema. Ozone.

By now it was 11am. I had a bath, dressed in jeans and a blue polo shirt, out I went. I could have taken okada out to the bus-stop but since I had the whole day to myself, I decided to walk.
Walking relieved me, I saw cute girls here and there. I bought bole. Somehow I had started sliding into a flirting mood. Because where I bought the roasted plantain were some ladies too.

And I got troublesome. On the fire, there was a very fat ripe plantain and one of the chicks was bargaining with the woman over it, I broke into their conversation and asked the woman how much she’d sell it last, that I liked it. I had said
“Abeg how much you go sell am last, it looks fine”
At the sound of ‘fine’ the lady looked sideways at me. So I added
“Abi nau, it looks very s*xy**”
Both girls busted out laughing. The seller was indifferent and plainly asked
“Which one be s*xy** again. No be chop dem go chop am?”

Apparently, she didn’t get the drift. In my mind, I was teasing the girls with my choice of words. Bole being fine? s*xy**? Lol
“Yes nau, na chop dem dey chop anything wey s*xy** nau” I replied.
The two girls had reduced their laughter to smiling, still bargaining with the woman for other ones. I paid for the fat ripe one and as I was leaving, the other girl said
“Enjoy your s*xy** bole”
“Yes o, I will. Its very ripe” I replied, jokingly.
Hmmm… I should have gotten the hint that the day was about to turn into really interest with a special gift waiting for me where I was headed. At the bus-stop, the next ‘Jibowu-Yaba’ I heard a conductor shout, I hopped in…

An hour later, I was at Ozone.

At the gate, those security guys ran their metal detector over me, it beeped indicating I was carrying metallic object(s). So I stepped aside to check myself. The next person was a girl in blue top like mine, but a lighter shade. They ran the device across her and it beeped too. She carried a bag so they asked to see what was in it. I had removed my phones and keys from my pockets and they searched again. This time I could go in.

I was walking in when they searched the girl again and it beeped again. I went to the bar to the right of the entrance. By the time I took a seat at a table, an argument had ensued between the girl and the security guys. I wondered what the issue was. I shrugged and asked for a bottle of small stout. My bole suddenly had a duty to perform. Yes, a bushman I may have looked around ‘Behind’ people but hey, I’m on my own level.

Then, eventually, she entered and from where I was seated I saw her walk in to the main entrance from the gate. I got a very clear view of the top. Busty girl. And then, clearly, I saw things! I saw what she carried behind! Blood of the lamp!!!

Did I see something or was I seeing things?
Was my vision being aided by that little bottle signed by the only Arthur Guinness we know? No naw, how can one Odeku fvck my vision up that much.

Well, I couldn’t leave my dear bottle. Besides, the mood she must’ve been in was a bad idea. Worse still, I have a principle that prohibits me just walking up to a girl I’m seeing for the first time and just go “hi… Blah blah and blah”
Guys that have that courage dey try. And maybe that’s why I don’t get as many punny as they get. Good for them.

I was here for sight seeing, I guess. And my sight was definitely seeing.

I had enjoyed the ground zone in Ozone, so I went higher.

Up I went through the stairs and then joined the escalator to the last floor. As I approached the top, my eyes went to the guys playing Playstation by the side, one had scored a spectacular goal.

I just happened to have noticed it. I watched the replay again while he kept basking in the hails his friends gave him.

I went to the cinema’s reception and took a copy of movies schedule and went straight to take up an available seat at the waiting area. I actually didn’t have any particular movie in mind.

The table I sat at had two stools, someone sat in the other seat opposite me. The table was by the railings overlooking the escalator and lower floors. There’s an open space there to see. The stairs and escalator below.

I blinked again. Who did I see coming up the stairs? Same girl in blue top like mine. No, this time around I wasn’t seeing things, I was sure. I had a side view of her outside, now I was getting a top view of her. And Lawd, Good Lawd! That was an endowment!!!
Woow. I was blessed with a side view, now I had a top view. Looking at her was turning to staring. And that’s one thing that’s just not right with me. Staring at people. I find it rude. Yet, I stared on. It was no crime yet since she hadn’t even noticed me looking at her
. There were a lot of people around, busy at their own thing. The thing with cinemas is: people generally don’t come alone. Most times in two’s.

Though there are movie lovers who make cinemas a second home, those ones come alone most times. So it wasn’t out of place that she may have come with someone. Or to meet someone.

It was busy though not like weekends. At this time of a weekday, it was mostly students who came by. And Yaba has a fair number of students around because of the schools located there. For one, University of Lagos guys and girls chill at Ozone for movies.
My mind and eyes were preoccupied when I heard…

“Excuse me, is there anybody here” I looked up and Voila! Pointing to the stool opposite me was this same girl in blue polo like mine!!!
Pleasantly shocked, but with a steady controlled appearance I replied
“I don’t think so”
Somehow, I had lost sight of her after she came upstairs. And I didn’t even know when the person sitting opposite me left. She sat.
My mind was racing up ways to get talking with her.

I was glancing down at the pamphlet when I heard the same voice again saying
“Please, I’m coming. I want to get popcorn and a drink, I don’t want to loose the seat”
“Ok” I said. I looked down back at the movies schedule. But as soon as she turned to go for the popcorn, my dear eyes shot up again. Involuntarily. But I could understand. It wanted to feed on that pound of flesh, wondering how it’ll look at close range watching it roll up and down!
I nearly died of excitement. This was one hell of a beautiful batty. I watched her go all the way to the counter but soon as she was done buying and turned to come back, my eyes shot right back to the table.
Just then, a guy came and wanted to sit there so I told him there was someone there. Just as the guy sat, she arrived.
“I told you there was someone there.” I said to the guy

The guy shot back

“But she’s just coming nau”
“No, she went to get popcorn” I said
All the while, she hadn’t said anything.
“Why are you defending her? Is she your girlfriend?

“Yes, she is”! I blurted out
You need to see the shock on the girl’s face!!!
Lol.

She still didn’t say anything
But the guy was making to stand up and commented
“But I saw you at the PS corner when you came and you were alone”
Now I remembered seeing the guy.
Well, I just shrugged. No response to that. Not because I couldn’t respond to that but what he said just didn’t make sense.
She sat.
“Thanks” she said.
“I guess its a day to argue everywhere.” I said. No response. Continuing, I asked
“What’s up with those guys at the gate. I saw you arguing with them”
She looked up at me
“Oh! Those guys? Don’t mind them. They said I should empty my bag to prove I wasn’t carrying anything”
Hmmm

A conversation had simply started…