Men Dey Reason - S01 E93

Story 2 years ago

Men Dey Reason - S01 E93

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 93

Commercial bike riders were on strike so we had

to make use of our “commercial” legs. Not that we

loved to, but because the few available commercial

buses were not enough to carry the crowd.

We got to Mama Calabar canteen, and saw that it

was locked. Or was she on strike also? I asked

myself.

We waited for 30minutes and she was nowhere to

be found. “Man call her number na?” Brainbox

said. “so na me like food pass for this World wey i

go dey hold number of people wey dey sell food”

Replied Man.

“guy so we no go chop before we start work?” I

asked the obvious. “no, we go chop” Man

answered, “wetin we go chop?” I anxiously asked.

“we go chop Sand sand” Man answered.

Sand sand interpreted to English is simply

removing one “Sand” leaving just one “Sand”.

Pidgin English is a language of repetition. Example

of such repetition is making such statement: “see

as you dey look look my Garri, abi e too water

water? The Garri sweet oh, but e be like say small

sand sand dey am”

“which kin play be that one, you no go serious abi”

I said.

“as you dey ask nonesense question na, you know

say na Mama Calabar be the only place wey people

dey chop here, and no other place, but you still

dey ask me r’ubbish question” Man said.

“this woman dey fine everyday oh, see as she be

like 20years babe” I said to myself as i saw Madam

Ifeoma that morning.

We changed to our Kponkpon traditional attire and

waited for Madam Ifeoma to instruct us on what

to do.

“today you are to start digging the big pits where

the underground tanks would be placed” She

informed.

“this is the measurement of the pit, the price for

each pit is also there” She handed over a paper to

Man.

When Man finished reading the information

therein and smiled, that was when i knew all was

well.

“so can you guys do it?” Madam Ifeoma asked. “yes

we can” Man, Igbakwambo and Ochagbuorie

chorused. I and Brainbox just stared at them like

two I’diots.

“Madam Ifeoma no worry, na me be Man wey dey

dig Well the time wey i dey Sokoto, we fit dig two

pit today sef” Man assured.

Madam Ifeoma told us she needed to go withdraw

money from the bank, she showed us where to dig

the pits, and she left. “go withdraw our money

come oh” I said within.

“Man na how much to dig one pit?” Brainbox asked.

“na 50 oh” Man answered. “how we go dig that kin

big pit for 50naira” Brainbox said.

“i mean 50,000naira” Man said. “yeeeekpa! na Big

money oh” I yelled.

We formed two teams. Team Man and Team

Igbkwambo. Team Man started digging a pit, while

team Igbakwambo was digging another.

I suddenly heard a rumble in my stomach, “and we

never chop oh” I told myself.

We started digging our graves. Or so i tot.

Man and Brainbox were digging with shovels,

while I was offloading the sand.

Albeit i placed an “Oshuka” on my head, i still felt

the heaviness of the sand. My neck was practically

lost in my head, or better still, i was “neckless”.

I know say una no go know wetin be “Oshuka”.

Well, Oshuka is a name given to a clothe that is

placed on the head before a load is carried, it is a

Pidgin slang. Oshuka sometimes act as shock

absorber to prevent stunted growth, or to

prevent what is called “Koko”.

Koko is a Pidgin English slang for the swollen part

of your body, especially head, that is struck on a

hard surface. There are of two types: Ripe Koko,

and Unripe Koko. The Unripe Koko is the type of

Koko that comes out of a Son’s head when he

recieves a “konck” on the head from his Dad.

Unripe Koko is temporary unlike Ripe Koko which in

some cases are permanent.

Must i tell you guys everything? Must i tell you

guys also that “Konck” means “Knock”. Just that

Konck is Pidgin and Knock is English. And the

difference is just inter-changing the “o” and “n”.

“Man why you no tell us say na 15ft we go dig na” I

cried as i saw what was written on the paper

Madam Ifeoma gave Man.

“na everything i go tell you?” Man answered.

Instead of the “Oshuka” i placed on my head to

serve it’s purpose, it was giving me a haircut, not

a trendy haircut but a haircut by the name “Rat

chop”. I was gradually losing my hair.

“Brainbox come carry sand small na” I cried.

“no worry, i go carry, wait small” Brainbox

replied.

Carrying the sand was a herculean task because i

had to climb a poorly constructed ladder. A ladder

constructed by Man. Man the “Jack of all trade”.

Carpentry was one of his laurels. “Man this ladder

no good oh” I complained.

“e good, no worry e no go fall you” Man assured.

As i climbed up the ladder for the umpteenth time,

i noticed that the pit Ochagbuorie and

Igbakwambo had dug was far deeper than ours. I

was surprised.

“why two people go get power pass three people?”

I asked myself.