Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E29

2 years ago

Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E29

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 29

As January don show like this, that’s the period most people realise that they have just spent 12 months hardwork in a month under one week. I was part of these people shaa. Only difference was that i have no earnings except my fathers stipends to me which i Normally waste on condoms and taking girls out. May God help me this year, Amen. Can i hear a loud Amen people?

Anyways, this particular girl i have been eyeing, she was the all flirts and no action type. As in, talk dirty like a garbage can, she go follow you do am but for the main thing, that one is in London. For a very long time, 3 years i guess, i have been dangling in her friend zone like a pendulum. Even my mind has started deceiving me into believing that i was enjoying the friend zone but the heavens will forbid it.

A brief run down of the girl.

She is tall, like the average tallness for a girl. Her shape is my favorite, busty and curvy and when she walks, one would think she was on the runway, her skin, ebony black and a well carved face out of which shot a pair of very sexy eyes, i am even thinking she can read one’s soul with those eyes, only her eyes can give you a boner. Then her voice, if she talks, it always seemed like she was singing. Clara was perfect in all ramifications and trust me, it breaks my heart very much to know that a damsel like this has decided that i was like a brother from another mother, like, I mean, why can’t she see me as a boyfriend, even if na spare one, as far as i can get access to some of the packages the the main guy is getting, i’m okay.

Well shaa, this new year, i decided that being broke wasn’t funny at all. I just want to talk about money and less about girls, so i have made up my mind that I am only going to have one babe. Okay not one, just two. Chinaza the main chic and any other random chic for a side chic, just in case Chinaza decided to exhibit her ogbanje traits. Lol

So for sometime, i have been searching for this replacement chic, i don’t know what happened again, I don’t know if i got more ugly or what, usually it takes me like 2 to 3 days to get a girl to fall for me but now, it takes me 3 to 4 days to get them to reply my hi on whatsapp. That one shaa still dey.

So this night i checked Clara’s profile, a new picture showed up, immediately it finished loading, i took a look and gbam, like a rocket, her cleavage shot into my eyes, in my mind i was like, i have found my second missing rib, on Closer observation, i then saw that Angelic eyes, it was a total knock out for me. This year 2017, i decided i was too big for her friend zone, i am going to upgrade, even if na supplementary boyfriend, at all at all na im bad pass. 3 years in friendzone, i have tried abeg, i need retirement and even settlement sef. So our chat started.

Me: baby

Her:babe

That babe she called me was so friendly and masculine, it carried no atom of emotion in it but then, i was determined to break this yoke.

Me:How are you?”

Her: am fine dear and you

Me: am ok, i was just strolling by when your eyes caught my attention.

Her: lol, you love my eyes abi

Me: yes naa, see it shining like fluorescent tube, just dy make me weak

Her: hahahahahaha. Not just you, a lot of guys are also feeling the eyes.

Sorry, i will summarize the chat, i can’t come and be telling you what i discussed with a girl in my whatsapp.

So our chat took shape, like an experienced driver, i managed to steer the conversation into relationship talks, i explained to her how i have been feeling her for a long time, especially those eyes of hers and her lovely boobs [ i didn’t tell her about the boobs tho, just the eyes lol] and how i would like to take control of certain things in her life, She asked what type of things, i said her heart but in my mind, her hot body was the paramount issue tho i no tell her that one too. She replied and gave her conditions. Apparently, a lot of her village guys this xmas have opened her eyes to the fact that she was beautiful and sexy, that one compounded my case like this. Her conditions, i must be able to take care of her needs and she mustn’t go bankrupt. In my mind, i was trying to upgrade from friend zone to lover zone and here she was trying to shift me, not even upgrade, from friend zone to banker zone. After our conversation this night, she succeeded in making me realise how juicy the friend zone position was. I decided i was fine in that zone biko.

So still on the matter, i called James, i have missed that guy o.

“commissioner for woman affairs!! ”

That was James hailing me as he picked the phone.

” Your father that side” i said and we both laughed.

“Guy hafar naa” he asked.

“Guy i dy like say i no dey”

“Wetin happen, who you give belle?”

“na your Your mama” i said and he laughed.

“Guy i need a new girl”

“Wetin do Chinaza, she don catch you again?”

“Catch wetin, Chinaza na wife, i need a side chic” i said stressing that chic

“What about Eva, Cynthia, shape them, wetin do them?”

“Guy nothing, those ones are far from me for now and Chinaza dy village, i need to put my something somewhere abeg ”

” Guy go buy Vaseline and start masturbating, that one dy cheaper”

“James shey u still dy village?”

“Yea”

“And harmattan dy there?”

“Yea, why you dy ask? ”

“may dry harmattan thunder strike you there, mumu”

He laughed and i cut the phone. Left my room in search of Amara

[]These pussi niggas peasants, yeah

All my niggas gon be present, yeah (here)

Bish I’m wrapped up like a present, yeah

I got credit fukk a debit (f--k it)

And, I’m the truth this not no flexing

I got, skinny jeans with a weapon

And, I’m the future and the present

Baby, pop that pussi like a Pepsi

Baby, water like a water fountain

My money colored like a clown

Show me them places like a noun

She can’t, can’t ride this dikk without a sound…

Young thug can rap for Iraq, that nigga is good. I was following his dope track “no way” that was blasting on my home theater, shaking my head like i was high on cheap weed. I was in this mood like this when shape walked into my room in all her glamour and curvytude, suited in a jean bumshot and singlet that was getting tired of holding up her heavy boobs. I switched from singing the song to humming it. She walked straight to the bed and sat beside me while i put my hand around her waist.

“Neche do you have airtime?” she asked and i nodded my head still nodding to the music too.

“Can i use your phone, i want to call someone” she asked and as if on cue, the hook to the song came up and i sang it out loud

No, no, no way, no-no way

“Please nah” she said rubbing my laps. I paused the music and faced her.

“For this thing you just did, i will allow you a 30 seconds call”

She smiled as i flipped my Nokia Torchlight at her and she started dialing a number.

“Who are you calling?” i asked her

“My baby boo”

“But i’m here naa, how can you be calling me when am here in your own present presence” i said and she rolled her eyes on me and started her call while i kept looking at her ass picturing my self on top of it, my dikk rose but my tight boxers held it tight. I was too busy meditating on the mysteries of her ass that i didn’t notice that the call had lasted more than 2 mins. Before my mind came back, she was already done with a big smile on her face. I put the music back on and reduced the volume a bit

“for your mind, you don outsmart me naa” i Said and she smiled pecking me

“Who be that your boyfriend sef?”

“You won’t know him, he is new”

“Ar ar, when did you meet him?”

“This xmas, he gave me a lift in his venza and asked me out”

“so because he get car and we no get, na why you leave all the guys wey dy die for you in this lodge come follow am abi, even James wey dy use ur picture m--------e” i said and she hit me on the laps laughing.

“That one dy shaa, anywhere you never do me new year o”

“Baby what would you like me to give you?” she asked and i faced her with the naughtiest smile my face could gather..

“I want a 3some” i said caging the laughter that was trying to run out of my mouth.

“Hmmm, with whom and whom”

“You, your sister and I, i can handle the both of you”

“No, i want it to be Me and Naza” she said with a naughty grin

“No, i need an entirely different vjay”

“and what’s the difference between my own and Chinaza’s own, why do you keep cheating on her”

“Its just like the difference between jollof rice in Mr biggs and Jollof rice in Lady Stainless joint” i said smiling

“Whats the difference?”

“The style, the size of the rice and how oily it is, how it is packaged plus others” i said and she pulled my ear.

“So which is better Mr biggs or Lady stainless? ”

” I haven’t been to mr biggs so i will say Lady stainless is better ” i said and winked at her

” So between me and naza, who is mr biggs and who is lady stainless?”

“I don’t know ”

” You must know o, tell me osiso”

“How can i know when i have not tasted you? For now you are mr biggs”. She slapped my cheek playfully and got up from the bed and headed towards the door. I called her back.

“Shapy i’m serious”

“About what? ”

” The 3some ” i said and bit my lips while i sang a part of the “no way” song that came up, referring to shape.

“I told that bitsh s--k my vienna out the can man

She started doing it without a command

I want you to fit this dikk inside your hips

And I wanna eat that pussi creamy like a dip”

“You can try it with Chinaza and Jennifer ” she said and laughed.

“Shape thank you, happy new year, begin dy go your room” i said and faced my tv. She stood there smiling and looking at me.

“I would have been your girl if we were both single ” she said looking at me.

” But now that we are both UNSINGLE?

“Nothing, your bae is my friend ”

” come closer” i told her and she came to the bed.

“Shape you know we feel something for each other right?” i said and carried her on my laps.

“Yea but its so inappropriate ”

” Yea, but then, it doesn’t stop us from having a fling once in a while”

“Hmmm, i’m a virgin shaa” she said

“V what? ”

” virgin, forget about all this things i carry, its natural”.

As she was saying that, i was busy feeling her body like they can tell me if she was saying the truth or not.

“Shape, that 3some, don’t worry about it again, i was only joking” i said and she laughed.

“Are you running because am a virgin?”

“Why will i run, just go to your new guy, let him break you and then come back ”

She slapped me and ran out of the room while i stared at her trying to figure out the virginity in her but to no avail.

Haaa, shape a virgin, noo, izz not possible but who can i ask. Anyways whether she is telling the truth or not, the only way to find out is ehnmm, you guys understand naa but then i’m not interested in that, the last virgin i broke is still stuck to me like my brokeness. Chinaza.

I can’t afford another one

No, no, no way, no-no way