The Heartbroken - S01 E184

Story 2 years ago

The Heartbroken - S01 E184

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 184

But then he pulled away.

He took a staggering step back and

it felt as though the spell had been

broken. Disoriented, I looked at him

searchingly, and when I couldn’t

find the answers I was looking for,

I lifted a hand to reach for him.

“Don’t.”

My hand froze.

He shook his head, shielding his

eyes from me. “Let’s not do this.”

I let my hand drop to my side.

I tried to come up with words, but

it was hard enough to make sense

of what he had just said to do so. I

could feel something shifting

between us, and it was scaring me,

because wherever it was leading

us, it was going to be somewhere

we’d never been before.

He reached up to tuck a stray lock

of hair behind my ear. Giving me a

worn smile, he said, “You don’t love

me anymore.”

“I do,” I said, willing my voice to

come out strong.

There was silence first, as if he was

thinking about this, then he shook

his head. “Not in the same way. Not

anymore.”

“But—”

“Please.” His voice broke and he

dropped his gaze. “Don’t… don’t

force yourself to love me back just

because I’m sick.”

I lifted a foot in an attempt to step

closer, but he stopped me with a

shake of his head.

Feelings were changing and things

were shifting, putting everything

that had happened between us

under a spectrum of new colors.

He gave me another sad smile. It

was fleeting but it lingered long

after it disappeared.

“I haven’t been your best friend for

the past eight years for nothing.”

He spoke quietly but the weight of

his words made it seem otherwise.

“I know you and I know

it is because of that.”

I looked down at my fingers. I

contemplated this for a few

seconds, thinking hard and forcing

my brain to work and sort these

emotions out.

Finally, I said, “A lot of things have

changed.” I looked up at him and

swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” he replied quietly. “I am,

too.”

There it was.

A final break. An acknowledgement

that we were over for good.

Maybe if he had told me earlier,

things would have gone completely

differently.

If we never broke up and he had

just chosen to tell me, I would still

be completely and utterly in love

with him.

Things had changed, and they were

still changing, because even though

he was sick, the world would

continue to move on.

I had inevitably left him when I

should have stayed; when I should

have forced him into telling me

what had gone wrong from the

very start.

If only I hadn’t ran from the truth

back then.

If only I had been stronger.

I knew a part of me would always

regret it. I knew that ten years from

now, I would still think of the

various what ifs between us, and

there was nothing I could do to

change that because that was how

it was supposed to work.

He was right.