The Heartbroken - S01 E182

Story 2 years ago

The Heartbroken - S01 E182

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 182

I was transported back to time,

staring at that goddamn white

door in that goddamn hospital,

knowing there was nothing I could

do but wait and hope my dad’s

heart would still be beating when I

go in.

And I realized, looking into Cedric’s

brown eyes as mine started to

water, that this was exactly the

reason why he broke up with me.

“I’m going to start chemo over

holiday break,” he added quietly as

if to confirm what he had just told

me. “I’m under strict meds right

now. I’ve undergone quite a

number of blood transfusions and I

have weekly checkups to make

sure…” he trailed off, swallowed,

and struggled to continue, “That

I’m not getting worse.”

He spoke in a steady voice, like he

wasn’t discussing something that

was starting to take over his life. He

was trying not to show weakness, I

realized, as I took in his impassive

face, and it was this that finally

made me snap into a string of No,

no, no, you’re shitting me, no, no,

you can’t be f-----g serious over

and over as tears began to obscure

my vision.

His words continued to sink in, like

an anchor weighing me down all

the way to the sea floor, and I

couldn’t see anything but the image

of my dad lying in that hospital bed.

Except this time, it was Cedric’s

almost lifeless body lying against

the white sheets.

I was beginning to gasp for air and

Cedric was quick on his feet.

He pulled me up, burying my face in

his chest and as he wrapped his

arms around me.

It was like he wanted to hide me

from the monsters lurking around

us, but we both knew that the

realmonster was inside him and

hiding from it would never make it

go away for sure.

“Let’s take a walk,” he said as he

led me out the diner.

If people were looking, I neither

knew nor cared.

I let him lead me out to the dimly lit

parking lot, and once we were

there, he let go of me.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his indifferent

expression finally breaking away to

reveal his own pain beneath the

mask he, too, had been wearing

this whole time. “I’m so f-----g

sorry, Kyla, I’m sorry.”

My heart was breaking to pieces,

harder than it had ever done

before.

I stepped closer and wrapped my

hands around his waist, closing

whatever distance there was

between us, knowing it wouldn’t

make the pain go away, but still

trying, because what else was I

supposed to do?

He continued to apologize,

murmuring sorry again and again,

again and again, until his voice

began to break so much it was

hard to understand what he was

saying.

“It will be all right,” I said, more to

reassure myself than him. I

tightened my hug around him,

letting my warmth be his, hoping it

was enough to let him know I was

here and I wasn’t going anywhere.

“I wanted you to hate me,” he said

through his own tears, releasing

me but not entirely letting go. “I

wanted you to despise me, to

forget me, to make sure you

wouldn’t be anywhere near me

when it gets worse.”

“Cedric, I would never—”

“I wanted you to leave and never

look back,” he cut me off, his voice

growing firmer—harsher. “It was

hard, it was so f-----g hard, to

watch you walk hand in hand with

Seth, seeing some guy who isn’t me

and is never going to be me again

kiss you, knowing you were better

off that way, but I had to.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I

asked him, not even bothering you

wipe the endless stream of tears

running down my face. “Didn’t it

occur to you that I would have

chosen to stay and—”