The Heartbroken - S01 E104

Story 2 years ago

The Heartbroken - S01 E104

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 104

I bit the inside of my

cheeks to keep myself

from groaning. “For

being a b---h?”

I heard him sigh. “Kyla,”

he said, “that’s not

what I’m mad about. I

mean, if that was it, I’d

be mad at you all the

time.”

Okay. So I’m always

sort of a b---h. “Then

what is it?”

“I don’t know. You tell

me.”

“Seth, please.” I was

growing desperate here.

I didn’t even know why

it bothered me so much.

All I knew was that I

didn’t like knowing he

was mad at me.

I heard him take a deep

breath before speaking

again. “You know why

I’m pissed? I’m pissed

because your whole life

is basically spent

denying everything,” he

said. “You’re in this big

stage of denial where

you even convinced

yourself to believe in

your lies.”

“What are you talking

about?” My voice was

rising again, which was

bad because I didn’t

want to get into

another argument. I

forced myself to keep

calm.

“Do you really believe

that I’m just dragging

you along? That you

hate it when I never

consult you about these

things, you hate it

when I bring you to the

amusement park

without telling you, you

hate it when I call you in

the middle of the night,

you hate it when I pick

you up for school, you

basically hate

everything. You hate

me.”

“I never said that!”

“Well, you never said

otherwise.”

“For f--k’s sake, I don’t

hate you, okay? I

wouldn’t be up at two

in the morning having

this conversation with

you if I did,” I managed

to say, trying my best

to keep my voice down

to avoid waking my

mom up. “And I don’t

hate the fact that you

always just drag me

along, assuming I’d be

fine with it. It just

scares me, okay?”

He was quiet. I forced

myself to continue.

“It scares me how you

always know what

would make me happy.

You always know what

to say to make me

laugh. You always know

how I feel, when I have

no idea what exactly

I’m feeling. It scares me

because you always

know everything.”

I didn’t expect myself

to say that. I didn’t

even know I was

feeling this way up until

the words came pouring

out.

After a few beats, he

finally responded. “Not

always.” I heard him

take a deep breath

before continuing. “I

don’t always know

everything—especially

about how you feel.”

“Yes, you do.” I pressed

the phone harder

against my ear. “You

always do.”

“No,” he said, “I really

don’t.”

Seconds passed with

both of us saying

nothing, just breathing

over the line, over the

distance. It was ironic,

really, how it seemed

as if we had grown

closer, just a little bit,

when we were actually

kilometers apart.

“Are you still mad?” I

asked him. I could feel

my heart pound against

my ribcage as I waited

for his answer.

He took his time,

making me grow more

anxious.

“A bit,” he finally replied.

“A bit,” I repeated, not

knowing what to say.

“Why?” I all but

screeched at him.

He ignored my question.

“Good night, Kyla.”

“Why?” I asked again.

“Because.”

I huffed. “That’s not an

answer.”

He groaned. “Because

this sucks.” He sounded

annoyed, bordering on

irritated. “I was so

pissed at you. I was

really, really pissed. But

for some reason, I just

spent the past four

hours stopping myself

from calling you. I was

pissed off, for f--k’s

sake, but I was the one

who wanted to

apologize. And that

sucks.”