Dysfunctional - S01 E11

Story 3 years ago

Dysfunctional - S01 E11

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 11

Bosco's POV

After the ‘period stain’ incident, I found myself being curious about the anatomy of a woman. I turned on my laptop reading through several articles of women and menstruation. It was eye-opening and fascinating too. I finally got to under the complex part of a woman during her period.

The first call I had the next morning was one from Peter, my private investigator.

“What’s up?” I asked, there was a brief silence and I wondered what the hell might have happened.

“I have a lead on Joseph” he began and I smiled

“That sounds fine”

“Nothing on Mary and James.”

“It’s fine but how did you come across this lead”

“From someone who came to pay Mark a visit in the prison”

“Okay”

“Sir…I wish we could actually sit and talk but it’s going to take a while before”

“What’s going on?” I asked rising from the bed. There was something suspicious about the way he spoke. For a moment, I was scared.

“Is everything okay with my brother”

“I haven’t even checked out the lead I have yet”

“Why?”

“We have a bigger problem at hand. The judge refused granting Mark bail”

“Why?”

“Your brother has been causing rukus in jail and he has many more criminal charges of assaults and theft”

“He’s not normal”

“He was taken to court and trust me, he didn’t claim to be impaired”

“I smell something fishy”

“You’re right there cause I got to find out the Judge is from the same clan as the village head”

“How does this concern our discussion?”

“The village head wants revenge on your brother for killing his brother”

“Great, just great” I answered sarcastically then I shut my eyes.

“My investigation has been halted because of this, you should call Bassey, he would explain things better.” He advised then he hung up.

I felt awful, I shut my eyes in tears.

While reading the newspaper at the office, I heard the door close. I lowered the paper to see who just walked in. It was Isabel.

“Hey dear” I greeted and then I saw her laughed out loud. One of those mock laughter.

“You know people don’t use newspapers anymore right?”

“If we don’t patronize newspapers, these companies would go down and there’s no better way to find out good news that from the newspapers”

“Have you heard of smart phones?” She asked and I chuckled.

“It’s by far better than newspapers”

I didn’t want to argue so I simply kept quiet.

“Did you take any woman out yesterday?” She asked and I creased my brow in wonder. How in the world did she know?

“Specifically where I usually shop cause the news reaching me is that you took a woman out shopping for dresses”

“That’s a lie”

“So there wasn’t a woman”

“There was but…” I paused as her eyes waited for some kind of response.

“It’s the psychologist, she had a little issue, she got stain with blood so I had to get her a new dress”

“In the same boutique I patronize? Kilode? You should have taken her elsewhere; John that’s very bad”

“I’m sorry” I quickly apologized. I told her that I didn’t realize how bad It was until that moment. Of course it was nothing but one big cover up. I didn’t understand why it was bad.

Despite my apologies, It did hurt my feelings that she would hire someone to spy on me.

“How are you dear?” I asked to clear the air.

“I’m fine” she went behind me, pulled off my suit then gave me a massage on my shoulder.

“You seem stressed out” she added as though she didn’t just put an attitude I found disapproving a while ago.

“Peter called me about my siblings”

“Okay”

“I talked to Bassey, remember Bassey? He said my brother may have to spend a year or two in jail”

“Wait, I never knew any of them was in jail” she replied and I almost scoffed. She was the first person i told. Isabel has never been a good listener.

She has always been forgetful especially when it had to do with my family life or my past. I didn’t like to bring it up either but most times I just wish she could just listen to me for once.

After she left, I called Debby to find out why she told Isabel about Dr. Sommy. It turned out she wasn’t the one. My next guess was one of the sales attendant.

I had a lot in mind that I just wanted to spill to Dr. Sommy. The day seemed longer, I couldn’t wait to see her. For some weird reason, I seemed excited.

I drove over to the clinic then walked to Dr. Sommy’s office where I saw a lady bang the door to her office then she walked past me. I turned over to Filda who gave me a gentle shrug.

“It’s only normal, you should understand what it means”

I walked into the office only to see her frowning,

“Someone looks angry”

“Angry is an understatement” she replied and I observed her once more.

Actually, there was a mix of emotion; more like as she was going to cry mixed in anger. Then I remembered what I read about females. She seemed to be in a bad mood and I didn’t plan on making her unhappy.

“How are you?” She asked and I tried to hide my through feelings concerning the Mark’s issue.

I just want her to make her sarky remarks to make me laugh and probably forget about it. After all, she gets paid to make me feel alright. She saw through me, I couldn’t hide it from her. She noticed I was bothered by something so I told her all Mark said about Mark and the probability of him getting out quickly on bail.

“The man he killed is a brother of the village head who wants him to die in Ikot Akpanabia”

“What’s that?” She asked, I guess she was referring to the police station.

“The name of the police station” I replied and she laughed.

“Try saying that ten times” she joked and I paused to think of how difficult it would be.

“Ikot Akpanabia, Ikot Akpanabia, Ikot” I found myself saying, the word was tongue twisting and funny so i laughed- just what I wanted.

For a moment there, seeing her smile, I realized I was getting fond of her, I found it challenging how curtail and reserved she could be under some circumstances.

Three days to go and I knew I was going to lose. I’ll have to admit, she was doing a hell of a job restraining herself from being her usual saucy self.

On second thought, it would be a win-win situation for me. I’ll end up giving my car to her which is nothing to me. I could actually give it out to her for free but I’ve spent four days so far being treated like a King which was the end of her bargain if she lost the bet.

I’ve never met any woman as hell-bent as she is.

“Were you at your house last night?” I asked and I saw her raise her brow up in surprise.

“Why would you ask?”

I shrugged then wondered if my package has been delivered to her.

“Are you free enough to try out the Afang soup?” I asked and she agreed.

______________

I watched her eat the food with so much enthusiasm. It was a funny sight to behold.

“Hmm” she licked her lip then closed her eyes for the fourth time.

“This is divine” she dug in her hands in the soup to eat the meat.

“This restaurant should be called divine” she commented and I laughed.

I didn’t feel like eating Afang at the moment so I simply bought it for her while I watched her eat.

“I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me this way. Your mouth is watering already”

“It’s not”

“Deny it” she argued stretching her meat at me.

“I don’t want”

“Come on, take it” she insisted and I shook my head.

“I have a meeting with a client and I don’t want to go with my mouth smelling like that soup”

“I insist you take a bite”

“I don’t want to”

“I’m not usually nice with meat, I don’t joke with my meat you can ask around but I’m being extremely nice here and you’re turning me down” she continued and i opened my mouth and she pushed the meat in it.

Suddenly, I became concious that I was in public and can be caught by Isabel’s friend. I suddenly looked around and she noticed.

“What?” She asked as I chewed on the meat.

“Isabel found out I took a lady out shopping yesterday and she got angry and jealous”

“Who told her? Mrs. Debby?” She asked and I shook my head.

“I’m sure the sales attendant did” she added and nodded in agreement.

“Why would she be jealous?” She added and I shrugged once.

“I don’t know”

Shortly after, we were out of the restaurant then she met someone she knew. They exchanged pleasantries then she introduced me as a friend. Meanwhile I kept on stealing glances at the big leave stuck in between her teeth.

“Emmanuel Apapa was my senior in secondary” she explained after the man left.

“You have something in your teeth” I revealed.

I saw her quickly look at her reflection with her phone.

“Jesus! It’s bad” she complained trying to get it off. I noticed she was getting ashame already.

“That was my secondary school senior and I can’t believe I was just laughing and grinning like a goat with this big black leaf on” she trailed off and I almost chuckle.

“It’s not funny, you’re about laughing” she assumed and I busted into laughter.

“It wasn’t intentional” I replied.

She was still struggling to remove the leaf.

I moved closer to her then offered to help her out.

“I can’t believe I’m about to put my fingers into your mouth”

“At least I don’t urinate with my mouth” she snapped and I chuckled.

“Your mouth stinks too, urgh! My eyes are all tears from the stench” I snapped back at her.

“I don’t have any nice thing to say but so” she paused the exhaled on my face. Talk about the worse thing any man can go through. I held my index finger out then used it in removing the leaf then I showed her.

“How do you kill a leaf as tiny as this?” She asked and I busted in laughter.

“Oga make una carry una love go inside room abeg I wan commot my car from this place” A man yelled, he was close to a red car.

“Honey be nice, they’re probably newly Weds” a lady responded.

She was definitely his wife or girlfriend.

“We’re…. we’re” I stammered shaking my head. Apparently I wasn’t the only one, Dr. Sommy was also shaking her head.

“We’re not married” she answered, “We can’t be married” She added with a scoff.

“Seriously?” The lady asked,

“We’re not even dating” I answered,

“We’re not” she emphasize as though it would be a bad thing to actually date me. I wouldn’t like to date her either.

“I’m sorry about that” the lady apologized. “But you two really look good together. Just saying” she added and her lover complained again.

Dr. Sommy and I entered into the car and I drove away.

“That was…..” Dr. Sommy paused. “Awkward” she added covering her lip to stop herself from laughing.

I agreed. That had to be my most awkward moment.

____________________

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Written by Essien Eno

Brought to you by Omo Alhaja

Sommy’s POV

Just as Bosco drove off away from the restaurant, I remembered what the lady said earlier on,

“You two look good together” I scoffed. She had to be high on something!

I went back home that night, my little self-contain. I saw a neighbor’s child rush over to me.

“Aunty you’re back” he said opening his teeth, I could barely see any, most of his teeth had fallen off.

“You’ve sold your teeth to Lizard again Shea?” I asked and he laughed.

“Aunty there was a package for you”

“What package?” I asked,

“Mom kept it for you”

“Seriously?” I asked. I still found it unbelievable.

“She’s bringing it for you”

“Amebo!” I heard the mom yell. She walked towards me holding a blue shopping bag.

“A delivery guy came to drop this” she passed it to me and I collected it.

“Who could have sent it?” I didn’t realize I had said that out.

“Maybe your boyfriend”

“My boyfriend is not in town” I replied.

“Maybe he sent a surprise gift”

“Maybe” I agreed.

I unlocked the door then entered still staring at the bag as though it was a foreign or alien object.

I dropped my bag then immediately opened the bag seeing the blue gown I admired at the boutique.

Definitely Bosco! I thought to myself. A smile crepy through my cheek

Then I sighted another thing in a flat rectangular case.

I opened it to find a silver neck chain in it.

“Wow” I muttered then I squeaked unconsciously.

Someone definitely has romantic bones, I thought to myself then I picked up my phone to call him.

“Good evening” I cleared my throat after he picked up.

“What happened?” He asked,

“What happened?” I asked,

“Why would you ask me that”

“Cause you’ve never called me. I do the calling” he complained and I rolled my eyes.

“I bet you’re rolling your eyes right now” he guessed,

“You’re wrong”

“Yes… It’s only pertinent for you to say that”

“I saw your present”

“Ah I see” he replied. “I noticed you really loved it the other day”

“I did and I still do” I replied in a squeaky tone.

“What about the necklace?” I asked,

“Yeah, about that,” he paused, “Debby said the cloth would look good on a silver necklace”

“It looks really nice” I raised the necklace up then I bit my lip.

“You think so? Coming from you, that’s a good comment”

“Don’t make me regret”

“What’s it with you ladies and dresses and accessories. For once be like men and not bother about what you wear”

“They make us beautiful”

“Do you wear necklace? I don’t think I’ve seen you in one” he added and I sensed insults coming in. I needed to hang up.

“Thanks” I added,

“I didn’t get that” he answered and I rolled my eyes. I knew he wanted me so say it again.

“I said thank you” I repeated and he chuckled.

“Now I have it on record”

“What?” I asked In regret.

“I’m sorry but i learnt from the master. You’re welcome” he replied. “Good night Dr. Sommy” he added in laughter and I hung up.

I woke up on Tuesday morning with a bashful smile on my face. It was the last day of the bet. I couldn’t wait to cruise In my new car; scratch that second handed car.

I’ve always wanted to get myself a secondhanded car but I’ve been short on cash and now I’ll put my savings into my forth-coming wedding.

I know it seems as though I’m being forward, but lt has to be a proposal. I feel it in my guts, it can’t be anything apart from a marriage proposal.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those single ladies who go around being desperate for a proposal but I’ve search and searched my thought, what other surprise can it be?

On monday when he called me, he told me he would be coming on Thursday.

I knew this week was bound to be a very good week. First thing I did that morning was to go for my morning exercise rounds then I took my bath rushing back to the clinic since I had an appointment with Bosco.

I breathe in and out; I didn’t know which I was excited about, the fact Joshua was coming or the fact I would finally have the freewill to say whatever I please or the fact that I would be blessed with a car before the day ends. I had a book filled with a lot of naughty comments I wanted to tell him.

I sighed again, then I felt the need to fart. My belly made stormy noises. I haven’t taken anything that morning.

The last time i ate was the moimoi mom brought over to my house last night.

Just when I was about to release the fart, Filda walked in.

“Dr. O’Brien is making complains about you to the CEO right now” she announced.

“What’s biting his ass now?”

“I have no idea. Do you want to check it out?”

“The last thing I want is to bother myself with that man that complains like a woman.”

“Okay. Your friend called, that Emmanuel Apapa”

“Oh” I paused.

He hasn’t stopped calling since the day we met outside the restaurant.

I clearly didn’t exchange numbers with him. He googled me and then called the company line.

“He said he wanted to stop by but I told him you had a very busy schedule”

“Did you also tell him I have a boyfriend?” I snapped and Filda laughed.

“That’s not my job to clear out.”

“It’s not my fault the guy thinks I’m single” I added and she laughed.

“Leave me out of this Dr. Sommy. I’ve got a lot on my plate already”

“Like what?”

“For starters, you” she snapped then walked out of the office.

I still wonder why I haven’t fired her. Yes of course, apart from being a secretary, she’s also a friend to me. She was one of those persons who knew me inside and out.

Before anyone walked in, worst Bosco, I had to release my fart. I was already disturbed by it.

I sighed in relief. The foul smell filled the whole room. It stinked like a four days old soaked beans.

I couldn’t even live with it. If I spent a minute in this office with this level of stink, the company might need to pull me out with a stretcher.

I was literally running out of oxygen. I pulled my bag to remove my perfume to spray then Bosco walked in. I knew the worst had just happened.

Bosco's POV

Mark’s case was already settled, the judges concluded that Mark would spend six months in jail and would be released only of we take him to a rehabilitation or a special centre where he could get help. I wanted to take a trip so I could see him but Peter advised that I don’t. I didn’t know why.

Tuesday was the last day of the deal we made. I woke up hesitantly from the bed. I didn’t want it to end. Urgh! Then Dr. Sommy would have to resume being saucy.

On my way to the clinic, my prayers got answered in a kind of way. I got a message from my secretary. My client was in trouble. Definitely I won’t have any session with her today.

I was almost close to the clinic so I decided to tell Dr. Sommy personally rather than give her a call. I saw Filda come out of Dr. Sommy’s office.

She was chuckling to herself.

“Good morning Filda” I greeted,

“Good morning Sir” she replied.

“Dr. Sommy is in, should I call her?”

“What’s the use? I won’t be having the session today”

“Hope no problem Sir?”

“Nothing really serious” I answered then pressed the door knob down and the door opened.

Dr. Sommy did seem uneasy after I walked in.

“Good morning” she said and paused trying to observe her.

“Good morning to you too” I replied and then something hit me like a bomb or a meteor rock from the sky.

The smell was the foulest! I have never perceived anything worse than it.

“Why does your office stink?” I asked and she gently played with a pen close to her.

It made sense, she definitely fouled the air. How could she? Couldn’t she have made sure no one walked into such… How could she even survive in this?

If I spend another minute in there, I might never get the smell off my suit.

“Dr. Sommy” I called out, “You’re unbelievable!” I shouted then walked out of the office. I think it entered into my mouth already! My mouth tasted like her fart.

Bosco's POV

After the ‘period stain’ incident, I found myself being curious about the anatomy of a woman. I turned on my laptop reading through several articles of women and menstruation. It was eye-opening and fascinating too. I finally got to under the complex part of a woman during her period.

The first call I had the next morning was one from Peter, my private investigator.

“What’s up?” I asked, there was a brief silence and I wondered what the hell might have happened.

“I have a lead on Joseph” he began and I smiled

“That sounds fine”

“Nothing on Mary and James.”

“It’s fine but how did you come across this lead”

“From someone who came to pay Mark a visit in the prison”

“Okay”

“Sir…I wish we could actually sit and talk but it’s going to take a while before”

“What’s going on?” I asked rising from the bed. There was something suspicious about the way he spoke. For a moment, I was scared.

“Is everything okay with my brother”

“I haven’t even checked out the lead I have yet”

“Why?”

“We have a bigger problem at hand. The judge refused granting Mark bail”

“Why?”

“Your brother has been causing rukus in jail and he has many more criminal charges of assaults and theft”

“He’s not normal”

“He was taken to court and trust me, he didn’t claim to be impaired”

“I smell something fishy”

“You’re right there cause I got to find out the Judge is from the same clan as the village head”

“How does this concern our discussion?”

“The village head wants revenge on your brother for killing his brother”

“Great, just great” I answered sarcastically then I shut my eyes.

“My investigation has been halted because of this, you should call Bassey, he would explain things better.” He advised then he hung up.

I felt awful, I shut my eyes in tears.

While reading the newspaper at the office, I heard the door close. I lowered the paper to see who just walked in. It was Isabel.

“Hey dear” I greeted and then I saw her laughed out loud. One of those mock laughter.

“You know people don’t use newspapers anymore right?”

“If we don’t patronize newspapers, these companies would go down and there’s no better way to find out good news that from the newspapers”

“Have you heard of smart phones?” She asked and I chuckled.

“It’s by far better than newspapers”

I didn’t want to argue so I simply kept quiet.

“Did you take any woman out yesterday?” She asked and I creased my brow in wonder. How in the world did she know?

“Specifically where I usually shop cause the news reaching me is that you took a woman out shopping for dresses”

“That’s a lie”

“So there wasn’t a woman”

“There was but…” I paused as her eyes waited for some kind of response.

“It’s the psychologist, she had a little issue, she got stain with blood so I had to get her a new dress”

“In the same boutique I patronize? Kilode? You should have taken her elsewhere; John that’s very bad”

“I’m sorry” I quickly apologized. I told her that I didn’t realize how bad It was until that moment. Of course it was nothing but one big cover up. I didn’t understand why it was bad.

Despite my apologies, It did hurt my feelings that she would hire someone to spy on me.

“How are you dear?” I asked to clear the air.

“I’m fine” she went behind me, pulled off my suit then gave me a massage on my shoulder.

“You seem stressed out” she added as though she didn’t just put an attitude I found disapproving a while ago.

“Peter called me about my siblings”

“Okay”

“I talked to Bassey, remember Bassey? He said my brother may have to spend a year or two in jail”

“Wait, I never knew any of them was in jail” she replied and I almost scoffed. She was the first person i told. Isabel has never been a good listener.

She has always been forgetful especially when it had to do with my family life or my past. I didn’t like to bring it up either but most times I just wish she could just listen to me for once.

After she left, I called Debby to find out why she told Isabel about Dr. Sommy. It turned out she wasn’t the one. My next guess was one of the sales attendant.

I had a lot in mind that I just wanted to spill to Dr. Sommy. The day seemed longer, I couldn’t wait to see her. For some weird reason, I seemed excited.

I drove over to the clinic then walked to Dr. Sommy’s office where I saw a lady bang the door to her office then she walked past me. I turned over to Filda who gave me a gentle shrug.

“It’s only normal, you should understand what it means”

I walked into the office only to see her frowning,

“Someone looks angry”

“Angry is an understatement” she replied and I observed her once more.

Actually, there was a mix of emotion; more like as she was going to cry mixed in anger. Then I remembered what I read about females. She seemed to be in a bad mood and I didn’t plan on making her unhappy.

“How are you?” She asked and I tried to hide my through feelings concerning the Mark’s issue.

I just want her to make her sarky remarks to make me laugh and probably forget about it. After all, she gets paid to make me feel alright. She saw through me, I couldn’t hide it from her. She noticed I was bothered by something so I told her all Mark said about Mark and the probability of him getting out quickly on bail.

“The man he killed is a brother of the village head who wants him to die in Ikot Akpanabia”

“What’s that?” She asked, I guess she was referring to the police station.

“The name of the police station” I replied and she laughed.

“Try saying that ten times” she joked and I paused to think of how difficult it would be.

“Ikot Akpanabia, Ikot Akpanabia, Ikot” I found myself saying, the word was tongue twisting and funny so i laughed- just what I wanted.

For a moment there, seeing her smile, I realized I was getting fond of her, I found it challenging how curtail and reserved she could be under some circumstances.

Three days to go and I knew I was going to lose. I’ll have to admit, she was doing a hell of a job restraining herself from being her usual saucy self.

On second thought, it would be a win-win situation for me. I’ll end up giving my car to her which is nothing to me. I could actually give it out to her for free but I’ve spent four days so far being treated like a King which was the end of her bargain if she lost the bet.

I’ve never met any woman as hell-bent as she is.

“Were you at your house last night?” I asked and I saw her raise her brow up in surprise.

“Why would you ask?”

I shrugged then wondered if my package has been delivered to her.

“Are you free enough to try out the Afang soup?” I asked and she agreed.

______________

I watched her eat the food with so much enthusiasm. It was a funny sight to behold.

“Hmm” she licked her lip then closed her eyes for the fourth time.

“This is divine” she dug in her hands in the soup to eat the meat.

“This restaurant should be called divine” she commented and I laughed.

I didn’t feel like eating Afang at the moment so I simply bought it for her while I watched her eat.

“I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me this way. Your mouth is watering already”

“It’s not”

“Deny it” she argued stretching her meat at me.

“I don’t want”

“Come on, take it” she insisted and I shook my head.

“I have a meeting with a client and I don’t want to go with my mouth smelling like that soup”

“I insist you take a bite”

“I don’t want to”

“I’m not usually nice with meat, I don’t joke with my meat you can ask around but I’m being extremely nice here and you’re turning me down” she continued and i opened my mouth and she pushed the meat in it.

Suddenly, I became concious that I was in public and can be caught by Isabel’s friend. I suddenly looked around and she noticed.

“What?” She asked as I chewed on the meat.

“Isabel found out I took a lady out shopping yesterday and she got angry and jealous”

“Who told her? Mrs. Debby?” She asked and I shook my head.

“I’m sure the sales attendant did” she added and nodded in agreement.

“Why would she be jealous?” She added and I shrugged once.

“I don’t know”

Shortly after, we were out of the restaurant then she met someone she knew. They exchanged pleasantries then she introduced me as a friend. Meanwhile I kept on stealing glances at the big leave stuck in between her teeth.

“Emmanuel Apapa was my senior in secondary” she explained after the man left.

“You have something in your teeth” I revealed.

I saw her quickly look at her reflection with her phone.

“Jesus! It’s bad” she complained trying to get it off. I noticed she was getting ashame already.

“That was my secondary school senior and I can’t believe I was just laughing and grinning like a goat with this big black leaf on” she trailed off and I almost chuckle.

“It’s not funny, you’re about laughing” she assumed and I busted into laughter.

“It wasn’t intentional” I replied.

She was still struggling to remove the leaf.

I moved closer to her then offered to help her out.

“I can’t believe I’m about to put my fingers into your mouth”

“At least I don’t urinate with my mouth” she snapped and I chuckled.

“Your mouth stinks too, urgh! My eyes are all tears from the stench” I snapped back at her.

“I don’t have any nice thing to say but so” she paused the exhaled on my face. Talk about the worse thing any man can go through. I held my index finger out then used it in removing the leaf then I showed her.

“How do you kill a leaf as tiny as this?” She asked and I busted in laughter.

“Oga make una carry una love go inside room abeg I wan commot my car from this place” A man yelled, he was close to a red car.

“Honey be nice, they’re probably newly Weds” a lady responded.

She was definitely his wife or girlfriend.

“We’re…. we’re” I stammered shaking my head. Apparently I wasn’t the only one, Dr. Sommy was also shaking her head.

“We’re not married” she answered, “We can’t be married” She added with a scoff.

“Seriously?” The lady asked,

“We’re not even dating” I answered,

“We’re not” she emphasize as though it would be a bad thing to actually date me. I wouldn’t like to date her either.

“I’m sorry about that” the lady apologized. “But you two really look good together. Just saying” she added and her lover complained again.

Dr. Sommy and I entered into the car and I drove away.

“That was…..” Dr. Sommy paused. “Awkward” she added covering her lip to stop herself from laughing.

I agreed. That had to be my most awkward moment.

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