Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE
Me: Jehovah Nissy!I woke up immediately and moved my hand slowly to my stomach to confirm if it is just a dream.
Me: the gate of hell shall not prevail, I never reach to die.
I got up from my bed and washed my face, used my powder and dressed up.
I put some money in my pocket then bolted my door, I stared at my car contemplating if I should take it or not it was evening already, as the sun have deserted the sky and darkness gaining grounds.
I decided not to before Beauty will request for it and ‘I go come back empty handed, mbanu!’. I walked out of the gate after answering Musa greetings and boarded avehicle.
I reached Beauty’s house and knocked at the gate, the gateman came out closing the gate behind him forming a blockade.
Gateman: yes, how may I help you?
Me: your madam dey houseGateman: she nodey abeg.
Me: abeg na, I wan see am. Na matter of life and death.
Gateman: na who dey die and na who get the life?
Me: okay, oya collect I squeeze two thousand naira inside his palm and he smile
Gateman: you be life saver, my man!
Me: open gate my enter, I wan see her.
Gateman: she no dey oh! She and small aunty wey sabi ask question well well don travel since morning.
Me: you dey whine me bah?
Gateman: enter check.
I entered inside the compound, I sighted from the security post that all the lights in the house were switched off.‘I don go waste 2k’
Me: she talk where she wan go?
Gateman: them wan go back to America.
Me: you try, but I suppose get change as I no see her na.
Gateman: the money na for all the spits I waste, em nodey easy to talk na. I was very happy that I went home as a happy man, at least she has moved on and there is no way she will return all the way from abroad to ‘come kpai person for Naija’I reached home and had a wonderful night, I woke up very early and came online on whatsapp.
Abigail had blocked me but Beauty was online, I decided to video call her to at least apologise and wish her well.
The video connected and she accepted, I saw her on the bed and beside her is a white man both of them aresmiling like double mumu.
She turned to the man and both of them shared kiss, I just nodded enjoying their stupidity.‘Me that is happy’. I feigned anger sha…
At least I sabi act.
Beauty: how may I help you?
White man: is he from Nigeria, I heard they are assholes!I ended the video call and flung the phone away, I laid on the bed helplessly, I couldn’t even go to work ’cause I was weak and tired of my life.
I slept again, I felt a soft touch on my back and I stirred up looking at the person that woke me up, I yawned and rubbed my eyes.
Me: is a lie!Is my mind playing truth and dare with em papa, I rushed to the bathroom and washed my face.I returned and met Abigail smiling, I couldn’t believe myeyes.
I knelt down and tears rolling down my eyes effortlessly, me that nollywood suppose employ.
Abigail: don’t start, I have forgiven you after I read your message. I can’t allow my baby to be separated from his father all in the sake of he hurts me who tell this one say na he, me wey score the goal know say na girl
Me: am sorry love, just give me this chance I will make things right, will you marry me?
Abigail: naso them dey propose for ona village without ring? I laughed and went inside my wardrobe and brought out the ring box, I brought out the ring and knelt with one leg and positioned the other one as a man to be.
Me: Abby, the very moment I saw you, I knew you were my missing rib, complete me by taking this ring and become Mrs Victor.
Abigail: no joor! This one na the most unromantic proposal in history.
After all the shakara the ring still entered her hand, the wedding preparation was very sharp as we quickly rushed down to Abigail’s home town and paid for her bride price, my family and Victoria were solidly behind me as they keep showering me with cash and their time.
She complained at the pace that I was going, that I didn’t even give her chance to think.‘I wonder wetin she wan think oh!’Invitation cards were printed and circulated to reasonable human beings that will bring gifts rather than spoons and stomach.
We scheduled a week for the marriage after I paid the bride price, we didn’t even meet each other, we only had to talk on phone as the wedding preparation was taking all our time.
Few days to our wedding I met with the district pastor so that I can get marriage certificate and do some church decoration.
The pastor in his good faith tour me around the church premises pointing to places that needed immediate attention so that our visiting friends will feel at home inthe house of God.
After we are done, we went to his office, he brought out a long list were he has cost all the prices.
The pastor in particular doesn’t like me ’cause my church going is like once in a year or twice, so the man want my settle all the tithe and offerings I dey owe God.
Me: you wan invite Jesus? I glance at the list once again, the money no get joy
Pastor: yes ofcourse, he will be there. There is not too much money there, you can do it! I believe you now have a good job. I wan beat the man, em get luck say na pastor
Me: you go do something for me.
Pastor: what is that?
Me: you know that wedding statement “if you don’t want this two to be join in holy matrimony raise up your hand or for ever remain silent” abeg delete am that day.
Pastor: there is no problem.
I got up and left his office, I was about entering my car when my phone rang in my pocket and the caller was saved ‘my wife and heart’.
Me: my love, I nofit wait for our honey moon!
Abigail: that is all you know, honey moon honey moon. If I open your head now, I will only find several ways of shifting pant. Have you ask of your baby
Me: you harsh oh! No vex, how is my baby? Hope he is kicking hard like her daddy, is she crying? Have she eaten? Hope you breast feed her? I like my baby girl fat so that boys will see her and run!
Abigail: Vic, you be really fake husband material, commot from my line joor! She ended the call, all these shakara she haven’t even given birth. Pregnant women take life too seriously, I invited Victory and Biggy to my house for the reception preparation and some security reasons.
Biggy: na me go invite the DJ wey go play song for your reception.
Me: who and you? When you do your wedding you invite DJ. Your work na to arrange person wey go scatter food everywhere.
Victory: Biggy na your best man?
Make ona no go scatter church that day oh!
Me: you go help me do something, arrange bouncers wey huge and tall, so that them go drag any fool wey wan mess with the wedding outside.
Victory: I think say you don ask pastor to commot that question.
Me: I don do am, but I no trust that man at all.A day to the wedding, we did a mini-bachelor party, my male friends came around with their babes and have their best night. I make sure Biggy and I didn’t take any drink, some girls were making advances but I wasn’t interested. I was surprised to receive a call from Beauty.
Beauty: am outside your house the thing surprise me how she take get my new residence address I dragged Biggy along, he is my best man so anywhere I am so shall he be. I warned Abigail not to upload our pre-wedding pictures online, she refused and went ahead doing so. Pregnant women stubborn oh! Biggy and I came out and saw her car, she flashed the headlights for us to know she is inside.
We walked to her car, I stood at the car’s door and Biggy stood some distance away giving us space.
Beauty: you are getting marry tomorrow, right? I nod Vic, am sorry I still love you I feel like slapping her
Me: I don’t deserve your love, give it to someone else.
Abigail: no no… There is no one like you out there, I wasblind to let you go, I know you still love me. Cancel the wedding and we will marry right away, I will sponsor everything. Am sorry, I cannot get over you.
Me: go and marry your white man, am sorry. I walked away ignoring her as she yelled my name and also came out of the car, I ran inside and jammed the gate closed. I felt very unsafe, so I went inside and slept.
The next day was my wedding, those who were appointed to give us the best look attended to us, the groom’s fans and family that are men were on white.
That day was men on white, Biggy was just smiling anyhow as if he is the one doing the wedding, I couldn’tbelieve my eyes but it actually happened sha… Sandra and Biggy were back together with new kind of love.
I stationed the bouncers on the gate not to allow anyone on the pictures that I gave to them in, I gave them all the pictures of my ex girlfriends and the ones I also knack and clean mouth, I asked them to direct them to the reception were they will eat.
Bouncers were positioned in the church too, in case anybody want to show herself that the marriage is not met to be, them go bounce am outside.
My bride appeared in the church looking hot and sexy,We took the wedding vows and the pastor asked the question I told him not to, my mind fly sha… But everything was under control ’cause there is no one to stop it.
We moved to the reception Beauty was present, she was mad at me for not letting her into the church and I apologised.
We took the stage and Biggy went mad with dance, he was dancing like the groom.
Me: guy, dance small small no be you dey do the wedding.
Biggy: I dey happy for you, follow me shake body.
Me: I know say you dey happy for me, no dance pass me.
He didn’t listen, I set a leg for him and he fell that is how he calm down.
The wedding was wrapped up and Abigail n’ I left the country for our honeymoon, we never did anything we were busy arguing the gender of the unborn child or thenames they should be given to.
We spent quality time together and she was due for birth, we returned to the country.
The day she is ready to give birth, I took her to the hospital and waited for the result.
The doctor came out and I ran after him, while my brother and Biggy were asleep on the chair.
Me: doctor, how far?
Doctor: congratulations mr. Victor, your wife gave birth to twin bouncing baby boys.
Me: mad oh!!