Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

6 years ago

Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

“so naso Sammy want make we blind abi?” i said. “e be like say dem plan am oh, e be like say dem see us, dem com plan to pour us the soup oh” Angom said as we were watching a movie in my room. “i go do Sammy back, him never know me sef” i assured.

Just then, my phone vibrated, i checked it, it was a message from Oceanic bank, they had credited back my account with the 20k. I was very happy.

“Flow! Flow are u in!!” someone was knocking, it was Dami. She was smelling great. The smell of her perfume clouded the whole room. She quickly came to seat by my side and kissed me. Angom wasn’t watching us, his eyes were glued to the Tv screen.

“I came to cook for u” she informed “ooh!! thats very kind of u” i said as i noticed she brought some things for cooking soup. Okro soup to be precise.

Dami was outside cooking while me and Angom continued watching “Merlin season 1”, a movie i never liked but was just watching it bcos of Angom.

20minutes later Dami came in asking me for palm oil. As i gave her the “Eva water container full” of palm oil, she asked “why is ur eyes as red as this palm oil?” “ehn ehn ehn!! a fly flew into my eyes”, i told her a lie of the century.

My eyes were actually red in colour bcos of the effect of the Egusi soup Suliat poured on it, Angom’s eyes was red also. Dami left to continue her cooking. “puuuuuuuuuu”, a very loud fart came out of my a’nus “Flow why u mess?” Angom said in fury, “make i no mess? Abi mess get toilet? No be my house be dis” i responded. “uhnnnnnnnn!! Flow dis ur mess dey smell like dead body” Angom said with his hands on his nose. “na ur mess dey smell like dead body” i responded..

Immediately, Dami entered.

“uhnnnnnnn!! What is smelling?” she queried. I saw from the corner of my eyes that Angom wanted to laugh, so i quickly winked at him and he didn’t laugh. “maybe its those boys in the next compound smoking weed” i said another lie of the century that i knew Dami never believed. I stood up to increase my standing fan to reduce the odour.

I noticed that Dami used half of the Eva water container of palm oil on the soup while she kept the container in my cupboard. “so dis girl use dis kin plenty oil for only one soup? abi the oil pour for ground?” i asked myself.

15 munites later, the soup was ready. It was smelling great but it didn’t look great.

The soup was an ocean of palm oil. I didn’t know where to start from, i saw from the corner of my eyes that Angom wanted to laugh, i winked at him for him not to laugh, he understood and smiled in place of laugh. As i took my first swallow, oil came rolling down my palm reaching my elbow. “is it delicious?” Dami asked. I smile and answered, “yes it is” and Dami smiled back. I noticed the ratio at which I and Angom ate was 4:1. That is, if i swallow four balls of Eba, he would swallow just one.

I wasn’t enjoying it, but i had to let Dami know the food was Delicious, even though it tasted like p’oo.

“but why Yoruba people dey like use plenty oil cook soup sef? No wonder Ibo people dey call them OFEMMANU, and better meat dey dis soup oh, see a Dami use oil spoil am” i tot as i saw that my Original BYC singlet has been stained with palm oil beyond recognition.