Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Ibo Boy Wey Like Yoruba

Monday morning came. I couldn’t wink a sleep althrough the night bcos i was thinking deeply. “i hear say na today we go recieve alert for our alawi oh” Angom said as we walked to school. “make dem pay the alawi oh, i no get money again, i don broke die” i responded, “dem don pay corpers for some states sef” Sammy added.

Althrough, while i was in school i brought out my phone from my pocket at 5 minutes intervals to comfirm if bank alert message has appeared. On one of such occasion, i brought out my phone on hearing a message alert, but lo and behold it was a message from MTN. “abeg no be this kin message i want see oh” i said to myself as i deleted the message without reading it.

Yet another message came, i read it this time, it was from Dami telling me she missed me alot and that i should stop over at the shop to keep her company when returning from school. “so, na so i fine reach wey make dis girl dey fall for me like dis” i tot.

And yet another text message came. “guy dem don pay alawi oh” i shouted after reading the message, “correct!! make we go collect am sharp sharp” Sammy said, “i no carry my withdrawal book here oh” i confessed. “u suppose carry am na, u no know say dem go alert us today? but u carry ur ATM card abi?” Angom asked, “i carry am here na” i responded bringing out my wallet to confirm if my ATM card was there, “ehen, u go use am withdraw na” Angom said.

Me, Angom and Sammy set off smiling to Oceanic bank leaving Ilorin and Kelvin behind bcos they had classes. What i never knew was that Oceanic bank was going to cause an ocean of tears for me.

Soon we were at the bank, the rest of them entered the banking hall while i went straight to the ATM bcos i was the only one without withdrawal book. I met absence of the regular long queue that afternoon. “make i just withdraw d whole money go put for my GTB account, I no like Oceanic bank” i said to myself.

My batch of corpers were among the first batch that started enjoying the 19,800 alawi government paid corpers. “i go just withdraw 20k, bcos i been get like 500naira inside before” i said to myself as i inserted my ATM card into the machine. I punched on the proceed button after i had typed in the amount i needed, and i waited for my money………………………. One minute and no show. I heard a click sound, i tot my money was about coming out. When i saw what was displayed on the screen, i caught headache instantly, it read: OUT OF SERVICE.

My card didn’t come out neither did my money.
“una bank na rubbish bank, una ATM don swallow my card, wetin i do una na” i cried to the security man at the entrance as i was also looking at the machine from the corner of my eyes if the money would miraculously be dispensed. “mr man, go to the customer care and complain, shouting won’t solve the problem” the security man said. “ok i would go, just keep ur eyes on machine incase the money still comes out” i told the security man. “Flow u be mumu oh, if d money comot, u think say dis security man go carry am give u?
U be big mumu oh” i cursed myself as i walked into the banking hall.

“Flow, dis wan wey ur face dey like dis, u chop s’hit?” Sammy said, “na ur papa chop s’hit” i cursed. “Oboy, yawa don gas oh, ATM don swallow my card oh, e no even give me möney wey i want sef” i said bitterly. “eyah!! Flow why wahala dey follow u everywhere u go, abi dem dey follow u for ur village?” Angom said, “na u dem dey follow for village, infact dem don already kill u for ur village sef, na ur ghost stand for my front so” i cursed. “hahahahahahaha flow abeg no kill persin with laf” Sammy said, “abeg go complain for customer care before e go dey too late” he added.

“my Atm card and money refuse coming out from the machine” i said to the beautiful customer service lady; maybe it was because of her beauty that made me not shout, maybe. “okay, fill this form here” she said handing a form to me. As i wanted to start filling the form, my phone vibrated, i checked, it was a message alert from Oceanic bank saying i just withdrew 20k.