Must Read: Diary Of A Broke Playboy

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: Diary Of A Broke Playboy

Recently i have been bored and that increased my activities on facebook.

And so i met this new girl. Judging from her pictures, she was posh in all ramifications.

So we got talking..

She was a jambite seeking admission into my school. I smiled at the prospect of hanging out with a jambito. I calculated they would be cheaper to run around with.

Long story short, i asked her out. After much whining and shakara from her, she accepted. We fixed a date, . Exchanged numbers and started looking forward to our meeting.

On a Monday afternoon like this, i was on my bed, half sleeping and half recovering from the little torment my babe, Chinaza gave me.

That girl shaa.

My phone rang, i hurriedly picked and shouted a coarse hello into the mouthpiece.

A very melodious female voice came up from the other end.

Me: Hello, na who be this?

Caller: Hi, its Rita, remember?

Me: Rita kwa? Rita from where?

Caller: Hey, you’ve forgotten already? We were supposed to be meeting today.

My head rang gbagam, i jumped up from my bed.

Me: yea Rita right, where are you now?

Rita: I’m about to leave my house.
Just wanted to make sure it’s still going down.

Me: Ok, you can start coming, call me when you get to the school gate.

Immediately we dropped the call. I quickly grabbed my towel, ran into the bathroom, did a quick wash up, i couldn’t even remember if used soap or not.

I dressed up, picked my wallet, counted the 1000 naira notes inside, 5 in total. I slid the wallet in my pocket and ran to James, my friends room. We both lived in the same lodge. He had promised to escort me.

He hurriedly dressed up. And we both left the house. I ensured he had some money on him, just in case.

We were in a keke headed for the school gate when she called.

Me: Hey are you there yet?

Rita: Yea. We just dropped now.

Me: Ok. I will be there soon.

Then something like an audio flash back hit me.

Me: Did you say “we”

Rita: yea, i came with a friend, i didn’t know the way so i needed her to help out.

Me: Okay o. Just wait for me. I dropped the call.

James just looked at me with a wicked grin on his face and said
“Guy, u don enter”
“Her friend better be cute too or i go just deny am for there sharp sharp” i said as the keke dropped us.

Locating them wasn’t so hard. I observed her from afar and her pictures didn’t lie. She was as cute as can be. Her friend too wasn’t bad.

We approached them. Reintroduced ourselves.

James just focused on her friend who’s name was Cynthia.

So we moved into the nearest eatery.

Got ourselves a seat. Called the waiter.

I was going to order for snacks so i could at least have some change in my pocket. Then James asked them to make the order themselves. I just eyed him, he smiled and smacked his lips.

“But get us chivita juice first and then take their orders” James was still talking. I was graphically dividing the money in my pocket with my imaginary eyes.

The Juice came. We opened it, poured into our various glasses, started sipping as the girls started making their orders.

Rita was representing their interest.
“We’ll both take fried rice and chicken with lots of salad on it”

James who had his glass of juice on his lips quickly dropped it on the table. My eyes tripled in size.
“Wait, Bae are you two going to share the plate of rice or what?”
I asked
“Noo, we are getting two” Rita replied. James coughed
“Ok o” i said and faced my drink.

The waitress came back with two plates of steaming fried rice and huge chicken wings. Only God knows how i managed not to snatch the food for them. As the waitress was leaving she called after her and asked for two cups of ice cream.


I stepped hard on James feet under the table.

He looked at me and grabbed his glass of juice and started gulping it.

As they were lazily eating their food. We started a conversation. Her friend was a 100 level student of mass communication in the school. While she was also trying to get admitted into the Same mass communication departmentWe talked for a long while. When they were almost done with their food, i got up and made my way to the rest room. Counted my money again. Half cried for my life, urinated and went back to the table only to be welcomed by additional two cups of ice cream and another Chivita juice. I looked at the door, the devil inside me started advising me to make use of the door but i just jejely strolled to our table and sat down. James just managed to cover a good part of his face with his hands and was convulsing with laughter.

I just cleared my throat. Called the waitress to get me the bill.

The bill arrived, 7,250 naira. I was really tempted to yell at the girls but i managed to control my emotions. I just pulled out the 5000 naira in my pocket, handed it over to James alongside bill, grabbed the new juice and poured a large quantity of it in my glass, after all i was paying for it. James completed the money and paid.


I looked at the girls who were still romancing their food.
“well, you girls should just round up and let’s get going” i said
“We are through” Rita said and they both picked their handbags.

I looked at their plate, the food was still a bit much and the meat was scarcely touched.

I and James looked at each other with our mouths open. I nodded and we all left the eatery.
“So when are we seeing you guys again?” James asked as we got outside the eatery.
“well i will be coming to register for my post ume in 2 weeks time. Maybe we can hook up again” Rita said
“hope you guys will sleep over next time” james was still asking
“Ermm, till then” Rita replied.

James nodded. He felt his pocket and said he forgot his handkerchief inside. He went back inside.

I flagged down a keke and they both entered.

I bade them farewell and asked the driver to move before they would start expecting me to pay their fare.

James came out with a nylon which i wasn’t bothered to check because i was fuming inside.

“Guy which kind wahala be this naa” i half screamed as James approached me.

He looked at me and broke into a laughter.

“Guy those girls shaa, na your village people send them like this” he said
“And remember you dy owe me 2,250 naira o”

I looked at him and hissed. He laughed and suggested we stop a keke to take us back to our lodge.

“Na your nyash you go use pay for the keke” i told him
Shaa, we walked all the way to our lodge under the hot sun.

Immediately we got back. I just crashed on my bed.

James came into my room and grabbed my stove.

“Guy which level naa, wetin u wan use my stove do” i asked him
“i wan use am cook, no worry, i go comot 250 for the money wey you owe as compensation for the kerosene” he laughed and left with my stove. I hissed, got up from the bed and poured a small quantity of Garri in a cup and headed to James room to borrow sugar.

As i walked into his room, i saw him cooking the remaining fried rice and chicken those girls had left….