Must Read: The Non-Traditional Church

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: The Non-Traditional Church

Then he woke, I was like ahn an, okay if the badman had no bone, it must be like a chewing gum attached to one’s butt and sticking it a desk, while bother twisting all of its owner’s body when you can just run and the hand that had no bone can be cut off from its origin, then it came to me; this pastor na alainise [lol] abi if he get work why hin no run or better still wake, shey na by force to continue the dream to the end ni |baffled|.

Some months later, segun’s mom [a guy from the laffing crew] died, then a witch confessed in the church, people sha started dying here and there, before the hand from hin dream go catch me too, we moved to another church ooo |hehehe|.

We sha no go sit down for house on Sunday, so we moved to this new church, oh boy, the name long ehn, like all these nonsense Yoruba movie name wey no dey sweet; prayer fellowship bible ministry and some oda tins join. This church funny die, na dem go get week of power, after a revival of great turn up, trust them to have a new programme the following week, na that time God will reveal 1 bad thing to them [aseju won ti poju].

They won’t allow persin rest, na every time virgin go dey read bible verse inside water |lolll|. I was once called to read inside holy water |hahaha|, no b their fault na; shebi na bcos I look gentle, I no fit refuse na, I sha read it buh for my mind I know the stuff no fit work cos the foundation na rum |hehehe|. People were like the founder has gone abroad to expand the ministry beyond Nigeria, waow; that’s wonderful until the story that rubbished it, some other faction said he no dey any abroad Kankan, he dey lag jeje wey hin dey chill, say hin run comot from hin winch wife who happens to be the mummy G.O. ooo. Shebi person go sha find solace in times of trouble, mine was in the youth pastor, cool man, dem sha finish him send am away, na all these die and fire pastor con remain.

All these while i kept hoping and praying for these vicious cycle to end. Abi when will all these clowns and gangsters stop fiddling persin with nonsense. I sought to youth fellowship that maybe at least it’ll be better ooo, na d same tin jor, dem talk say heaven no b place, that it’s a state of mind |oorh|, before dem go twist me like baba abubakar, I no go there again nitemi.

The hope still lingers ooo, maybe perhaps with time, I’ll find a church that combines holiness and all the nice stuff. Did i? *** |winks|