Story: My life as a Yahoo Boy By iphekitan - Season 2 - Episode 26

7 years ago

Story: My life as a Yahoo Boy By iphekitan - Season 2 - Episode 26

‘Alright you win. I’ll pay the money 1st thing tomorrow. Please delete that picture. PLEASE’

After reading that text, I was ecstatic! It felt like my favourite team just won the champions league. No, scratch that. It felt like Rita Dominic just agreed to marry me! I’ve always had a crush on that one hey… story for another day. I could barely sleep that night.

You know when you’re anticipating something great the next day, you tend to wake up early and it appears as if time is ‘taking its time’.

I slept at about 1am. I woke up thinking it was dawn already. I checked the time, it was
4am! I couldn’t fall back asleep. I stayed awake chatting and hustling online with my maye’s.

After about what seemed like 3 hours, I checked the time again, it was 4:30am!

I decided to stop waiting & keep my mind busy.
I decided to listen to a music that would ginger my spirit, because I like my music extremely loud. So I plugged in my headphone. I figured I was in the mood to listen to Fela. I went to the fridge & got out a small bottle of Alomo bitters. Why do people bother with this drink really? The
taste is horrible! It doesn’t smell good but we love it, don’t we? I think the idea of a ‘healthy high’ was what got me started & the small size of the bottle meant you drank in moderation. Plus given the price, it is
a no-brainer!

So I sat up in bed sipping my Alomo, listening to Fela, waiting for dawn. I visited my favourite sport sites. I did virtually everything to past time. I even visited Dopepopz, I read some cool stories Teenage Love, Shade of Lust, later I got bored and sleepy read the stories, I then switch to check out some gist via linda ikeji’s blog,
the trending posts weren’t captivating to me, I find most of these ‘gossips’ to be super annoying. With stories like ‘See Don Jazzy’s
tweet to Tiwa Savage’; ‘Wizkid takes selfie in a toilet”; ‘Davido bought a new shoe’; ‘See the food Tonto Dike
ate last night’. How does any of that amount to gossip?

Why would I care about the food Tonto Dike had for dinner? Most of these amateur bloggers should find something else to do with their
time. They all recycle the same stories. They copy a story, word for word, from Linda Ikeji’s blog & post on theirs not bothering to edit or name their source. Little wonder as to why she’s making so much money & they aren’t. Professionalism pays.

My conscience was slowly catching up with me. There’s no honour in blackmail a naija guy like me, we all know it’s hard to make money in this country, if you ain’t a politician. I was beginning to have second thoughts, then this particular song came on, GENTLEMAN. In the
words of the great Abami Eda I realised “I no be gentleman at all”. I know Fela wasn’t encouraging anybody to do wrong with that
song but then its like a parable. Whichever translation works for you.

Its funny the lengths we’ll go to justify a wrong deed. I quickly brushed that thought aside. I aint giving up now, not when I’m this
close to getting paid.

At last, the first light of dawn. I got out of bed, to my cloths to the dry cleaner, then, came back home, took a chilled Fuman Juice in
the refrigerator, sat on my bed with my pc, and I hustle on, while sipping the Juice in a cup.

At about 9am, I received a text from John Smith.

‘I’m on my way to the bank. Please confirm your details again’

I duly obliged. Now I was waiting for that all important text, the credit alert. It took a little over 20 minutes for the sacred alert to
come in. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the figures 1,000,000.

Maga don pay.

Then I received another text. This time it was
from John Smith.

‘I’ve paid the money into your account. I trust you’ll do the right thing by deleting the picture & my phone number as well. Don’t contact me again & If by any means, the picture is exposed & I lose everything I’ve worked for, I’ll find you & I’ll kill you’

That sunk in. I believed every word of that text. I quickly deleted the picture. There’s no point keeping it & I wouldn’t want anyone having access to it because I didn’t want to find out if he was bluffing or not. I want to believe ‘hell hath no fury like a gay nigga scorned’.

I received another text. From John Smith yet again.

‘You know Karma is a B***h right???’