Must Read: Honorable Secretary (18+)

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Honorable Secretary (18+)

The rest of the day went by in a breeze; as did most of the week.

I was eagerly looking forward to Saturday. One of my friends had told me about the Twitter Premier League, a football competition amongst teams much like the English Premiership which was to hold at the Onikan mini stadium. According to him, it was supposed to be a good hunting ground for both babes and guys looking for either baes or nacks and also a very good incubator for very entertaining slander. There was also going to be some football which was the secondary reason for which most people attended though, their real purpose being to show off their partners, cars, clothes, shoes and any other thing deemed worthy of being shown off, identify potential mates for P setting or kpanshing and the big one – slander. I had to be there to feed my eye, who knows, maybe I might even get a take away sef. In order to blend in with the crowd I had already bought a new Manchester United jersey which I planned to rock that day with my Nike sneakers.
On the dot of 9 a.m Friday morning, my intercom rang.


“IT department, how may we be of help?”


“See me in my office, now!” Click. The line went dead.

Karishika again? What did she want this time?
Wasn’t she supposed to be away on a training course or something, when did she return?

“Come in.”

Her commanding tone contrasted sharply with my hesitant knocking and I entered her office almost on tiptoes.

“Yes madam, you called me.”

She swiveled her chair to face me.

“Oh yes I did.”

She sat there observing me like a cat would observed a rat it was about to devour for a couple of seconds before she spoke again.

“Remember the meeting I had with you guys in IT with regards to our need to shed some excess luggage?”

That sounded ominous and I gulped inwardly but nodded just the same.

“Good. It seems we have our first candidates.”

I stood there, unsure of what she expected of me. Why was she telling me this? Was she just trying to scare me or something?

“Aren’t you going to ask me who they are?”

The Dam was enjoying my torment no doubt
“That reminds me, my husband said to say hi to you. He’s wondering when you’ll drop by the house again.”

Oh! So this was what she had planned. The stupid woman was trying to use the threat of sack to coerce me into giving my butt0ckz to her gay husband. She must be joking. I spoke up, my voice bristling with anger.

“With all due respect madam, I’m going to have to interrupt you here. At this juncture you should know I have no intention of coming to your house ever again or being friendly with your husband. You should be happy that I have kept your secret from people in this office. You should also be grateful that I have refrained from divulging one word of the sordid and disgusting situation that went down at your place when your husband tried to s£duce me. I have decided to let sleeping dogs lie thus far because of the respect I have for you. If however you think that gives you the leverage to threaten me with dismissal in this office then maybe it’s time I start to sing like a canary.”

She just sat there with a slightly amused look.
When I was done ranting she spoke.

“Are you done mister?”

I didn’t know what to make of her calmness. The rant was intended to rattle her but there she sat looking at me with a hint of a smile on her red painted lips, the exact picture of cool. She asked me again.

“Is that all you have to say or there’s something still left in your tank? Speak now or forever remain silent.”

I chose to remain silent.

“Very well, it seems you’re done talking. Let me take my own turn. What are you doing tomorrow?”

I almost laughed in her face.

“Again with all due respect madam, whatever it is I’m doing tomorrow is none of your business.”

She actually erupted into a short burst of laughter before she regained her composure.

“I’m sorry, please pardon my manners. I didn’t mean to do that at all but you looked so serious that time, as if you were about to tell me to go Bleep myself. I’m mighty glad you didn’t say that though as it would have been awkward for us both.”

Then the steel suddenly came back into her voice reminding me of my place and who I was dealing with here.

“Now for the last time, what exactly do you have scheduled for tomorrow?”

This time, I could see she wasn’t in the mood for any further dribbling. I seemed to have lost my advantage and I imagined myself visibly wilting under her harsh gaze. The profanity was like shock therapy.


“I have plans to attend the TPL at Onikan tomorrow ma.”

“The Twitter Premier League yeah?” I nodded; surprised that she even knew what it was.

“Nice. Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to leave here in a few minutes, pick up your phone, call whoever your date is for tomorrow or whoever you’re rolling with and tell them that something came up and you won’t be able to make it to the event. Capisce?”

I just looked at her as if she’d lost her mind.

“Why in the world would I want to do that? Who are you to try to order me around or tell me what I can or can’t do during my free time?”

She was back in her smiling mode.

“You really should watch your temper my dear. We wouldn’t want you to develop high blood pressure you know, people die from that.

As for the reason for you cancellation or me ordering you around during your free time, I think you should come over here and have a look for yourself.”

I stood frozen in place.


”Come on, I don’t bite. Come see for yourself.”

I walked over to her desk unsure of what she had to show me. She gently swiveled her seat back in the direction of her computer and hit a button on the keyboard. Then she motioned for me to come look at the screen which went blank briefly before an image jumped out at me.


There I was in the archive room, my back resting on a metal shelf and a look of absolute bliss on my face as Toyin sU-Cked my goddamn J0yst!ck!