Story: True Life Story Of An Addict

8 years ago

Story: True Life Story Of An Addict

Me: How much should I bring now?

Janet: I told you I don’t want any money for now. Just take me as your woman.

Me: Ok. So, what should we do?

Janet: What do you want to do?

Me: I don’t know. You said I should take you as my girl and now, I am asking you as my girl: what should we do?

Janet: I still don’t understand.

Me: I am willing to subscribe to your request Janet. You’re my woman, I am your man. So, as lovers, what should do now to kick-start this relationship?

Janet: If that’s the case then, do to me what a man would do to his woman.

Janet stood up, threw her arms open wide and closed her eyes; apparently waiting for a kiss or hug. Me? For where? Kiss you? I would rather I kiss Deola, my expert kisser. Hug you? Ini is my love, our connection whenever we hug make me feel warm and charged.

In that suspense mood, I walked up to her and shook her hands,

Me: Welcome to my world, a world where things can only work my way!

She opened her eyes looking embarrassed. She had expected a romantic gesture from me, but I gave her what I actually wanted from her: a handshake. After all, how do you expect me to close a deal? No be by handshake?

Janet: Are you kidding me?

Me: What?

Janet: Why shake me?

Me: I thought that is how you welcome people officially into any new environment.

Janet: See Uncle, in fact, I will stop this Uncle thing sef. Femi, this is not how you treat someone you love on the first day of meeting. This is officially our first day as lovers. I am expecting something more romantic and adventurous. Not this psychic handshake.

Me: I am only trying to be a gentleman here Janet. What would I have done?

Janet: Are you asking me? Is this your first time of being with a woman? C’mon, I expect some activities of sexual nature like a hug, a peck, a kiss on the forehead, a real kiss and so on. In fact, there is no expression of joy on your face. It’s like you don’t want it right? Let me tell you, you can’t deny me what I want o. I will call that your girlfriend back and tell her the whole truth.

Me: Hahahahaha. And how will you get her number?

Janet: Her number was displayed boldly enough for me to see now. I memorized it when I was speaking with her!

#Gobe! Truly, I didn’t save Deola’s number with any name on my phone for security reasons. Whatever message I send to her and the ones she send to me were quickly deleted. I saw Janet press something on her phone while she was speaking with Deola but I never took cognizance of it.

Me: What?

Janet: I knew you would want to play me. So I had the number saved on my phone. I am smarter than you Femi!

#Imagination.

Janet’s tap on the table brought me back from my imagination. I was deeply lost in my thoughts,

Me: Sorry Janet. Thank you for the call. I appreciate it.

Janet: You’re welcome sir. So, how is it gonna be now?

Me: What?

Janet: I mean, what will happen now with us?

Me: Please, can I see your phone?

Janet: Sure you can.

I collected Janet’s phone and checked if she actually saved Deola’s number. When I found nothing of such, I returned her phone. I was beaten by my imagination that made me think Janet is gonna ruin my relationship with Deola. God have mercy!

Me: What was your question earlier?

Janet: I said what should we do now? As in, now that we are …close, you know.

Me: Oh, that? Simple. You don’t have to worry. Let’s take things slowly, ok?

Janet: Anyhow you want it.

Me: Good.

I excused myself and went inside. I sat on my bed and reflected on this menace called Janet. Which kind wahala be this now sef? What can I do to provoke this girl and make her leave me for good? I thought about calling Ini and say,

“I am now at home Baby, but there is a big problem. I used to have a female friend like that who has been preaching her gospel of love for me. This girl is presently in my house. Please can you come around? Maybe your presence will make her leave.”

No. That’s lame and childish. Although I want Janet out of my house, Ini’s presence here might create a huge controversy and war! I’ve offered Janet money, she said she doesn’t need it…at least for now. As for me o, I can’t see myself in love relationship with Janet; no, not on my life. Even if love is blind as some persons will say, I dey see clearly; and she is sure as heck not going to be part of my love life.

Me: Janet, this is very huge. I already have a love life with the girl you’ve just spoken with. To start another love affair with you will be a stab on her back, an action that you may not like too. Truly you’re beautiful, s*xy**, humble, sincere, blunt and a straight-forward girl, but what you’re requesting of me is too much. To say the truth, I can’t do it. I will rather call her back and explain my sin to her than start a relationship with you. Janet please, I can’t do this.

She kept quiet for some minutes before she said,

Janet: I can’t believe guys like you still exist. It shows you’re really faithful. Well, maybe we are not meant to be after all.