Oh Brother - Season 1 - Episode 32

Episode 5 years ago

Oh Brother - Season 1 - Episode 32

No one spoke about Christian’s birthday, but it had been on my mind for while. It had been helpful even, because as I focused on that I was able to fulfill my sister position in his life. The very position I was supposed to have, much to my dismay.

It didn’t surprise me when a few days ago, a friend of his called me and said that a party for Christian would be held at my house. I had no idea how he pulled it off, but he convinced my mom to allow them to hold a surprise party for Christian at our very home. Well, I had an idea that my mom wanted to be anywhere but home lately. With her tired eyes and lack of enthusiasm, she seemed thankful that Stephen and her could go somewhere for the entire day and night away from the house.
So with that news, I invited my friends. It wasn’t going to be a small birthday party. I knew about half of Christian’s grade would be at the party, and their friends. If the house didn’t get wrecked after today, I would be surprised.


So here we were at the party, smiling as Christian looked utterly surprised by the fact that there was a party. With his blue eyes looking ready to pop out of their sockets and dropped jaw, I was glad to see that he was caught off guard. The smile that sprung to his face next made me even happier.
Watching him mingle with his friends who created the whole party, I found myself smiling with a heavy heart. As everyone got ready to party, I watched his eyes brighten up. He was happy, but I wasn’t. As much as the thought of incest disturbed me, the sad part of me wished the very word would disintegrate.

*****

I laughed as I watched Christian’s friends try to do backflips. A lot of them were failing as they nearly smashed their faces into the ground, which was amusing. The party had been great so far, and I hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol.
“Autumn!” Dee shouted over the loud music that was oddly soothing to me. “Where’s Christian?”
“I don’t know!” I shouted back, ignoring the question.


It was better for me to have Christian out of my sight. I wasn’t avoiding him or anything, we acted normal around each other, but I preferred to not be around him. Especially now, knowing he was probably with some girl. Just like the last time I saw him with a girl, he was probably ready to kiss her.
I shook my head at the thought and focused on his friends almost breaking their noses. Sometimes I felt angry. Purely, genuinely angry. Not even at Nate who had delivered the horrible news to me, but at myself. Even when I pretended I felt nothing for him, I knew I was hurting myself.
“I’m worried about him!” Dee shouted suddenly.


I shrugged at that, not knowing what she wanted me to do. He was older than me. More mature too. The one thing I knew for sure about Christian was that he could take care of himself.
“You know he was drunk,” Dee continued on, frowning. “And he’s nowhere in sight.”

That caught my attention. Caught me off guard, too.

“Christian’s drunk?” I asked slowly.
Saying it out loud was strange. It wouldn’t settle with me because this was Christian. Him being near alcohol was shocking enough, but drinking it was a blow. For some reason, I suddenly felt uneasy.
“Yes.” Dee frowned.

I didn’t wait to make a plan with Dee. Getting up from the couch I sat on, I rushed out of the living room and into the kitchen. No one other than drunk jocks were in there, so I turned around and ran upstairs. My heart was pounding at this point.


Upstairs was quieter. There weren’t many people around – thankfully – and the doors to our bedrooms were closed. Frowning, I made my way to his bedroom.

As I grabbed the doorknob, I found myself feeling unpleasantly nervous. If he were in here, I knew he wouldn’t be alone. And just like last time, I would feel like someone had punched me in the stomach. I didn’t know if I could face that feeling again.


But then, I remembered that I couldn’t be selfish. Especially when it came to him. So taking a deep breath in, I opened the door and frowned. His room was empty.
I quickly shut the door and frowned. By now I felt a bit panicked as I looked around, seeing that he was nowhere in sight. The door to my parents room was opened, but a bunch of people were in it talking. I hoped for Stephen’s sake they wouldn’t do anything other than that as I marched to my own room.
I didn’t expect him to be here. I didn’t know why he would be as I opened the door quickly. But to my shock, he was there. Sitting on the edge of my bed, he was there hanging his head low.
I relaxed at the sight of him, but my heart continued to pound against my chest. He looked upset. On his birthday, for the first time in a while he didn’t look happy. I frowned as I closed the door behind me, knowing I needed to talk to him.


When the door clicked shut, Christian’s head flew up. He looked dazed as his eyes wandered around my room, not really focusing on anything. So when his eyes met mine, I was surprised to see them lock on mine. They lost their confusion and sadness, and looked more affectionate.
“Autumn,” he said slowly, as if he wasn’t sure.


I frowned, knowing Dee was right. Christian was drunk. Even with him in front of me, I was caught off guard. He didn’t seem like the type to get drunk. He didn’t seem like the type of guy who was now in front of me.
“Yeah,” I said gently. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He tilted his head slightly, still in a daze. “Do you care?”


I frowned. My heart even stopped a little because Christian and I never talked like this to each other. We would never ask each other personal questions like that. But knowing he was drunk and probably wouldn’t remember this, I decided to let my defences fall.

“Of course,” I replied, sitting on the ground in front of my bed tiredly. “Isn’t it obvious by now?”


He smiled at that and my heart softened up. Christian was just so gorgeous, even when he looked like a mess with his hair sticking out wildly and his clothes wrinkled. I was proud of that, even though he wasn’t mine and could never be.


“Sometimes.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “But you’re a confusing person.”
“I know I am. Sorry.”
“So, did you get me a present?” he asked suddenly, changing the topic.
“Duh.” I couldn’t help but smile as he broke out into a grin.
“Can you bring it here?”
I groaned. “It’s in your room. Open it later.”
He shook his head vigorously. “I want to open it now. Here, when we’re alone.”
I frowned at that, but got up. It was his birthday and I wasn’t in the mood to argue with a drunk Christian. He was already so different that I wondered if he would be able to get angry for once. I smiled as I left the room, knowing an angry Christian was near impossible.
Dodging past teenagers in the hallway, I quickly made my way to his room. Finding the blue gift bag I bought, I grabbed it and ran back to my own room. Closing the door, I held the bag towards him.
“Here,” I said, suddenly feeling nervous about whether he’d like my gift or not.
“Sit beside me,” he responded, patting the spot next to him. “I want you next to me when I open your gift.”
He grinned at me as I walked towards him. With my nerves slightly wracked up, I sat beside him and looked into his blue eyes as I handed him the gift. The only time his eyes looked focus was when they were on mine, and that was comforting.
Without a word, he then put his hand into the bag. My heart froze for a second as he pulled out a black leather jacket. He smiled at that and put it on his lap.
“Thanks-”
“There’s more,” I cut in. “In the jacket.”


He opened up the jacket quickly and a black chain fell out along with a book. Smiling once again, he picked up the book and stared at it. Fascination was evident in his eyes.
“The Outsiders.” He brought his eyes to mine. “Since when did you know I read?”
“I didn’t.” I grinned. “I just thought you should meet your people, the greasers. They’re like bad boys who dress the way you do.”
He laughed. “Ah, and you’re encouraging me to join them with all these black pieces of clothing.”
My grin grew. “Well, you already got the awesome fighting skills down.”
At that, Christian suddenly grew serious. He frowned and looked away from me, making me regret saying that. But before I could say anything, he shifted closer to me. Now our legs and shoulders were touching, and my heart froze. I wasn’t ready for this.
“Autumn,” he said, still serious. “I don’t think I ever thanked you.”
“For what?” I asked, trying to forget about how near we were.
“For changing me.” He finally looked at me, his blue eyes sincere. “You made me a better person.”
Even though I had heard this from Stephen before, I asked, “How?”
I wanted to know his feelings. What he thought. And honestly, what he genuinely felt for me. Even if we couldn’t be what I wanted, I wanted to mean something to him.
“I don’t know.” He suddenly smiled. “I just look at you and want to be a good guy. I want you to think good of me and I never want to disappoint you.”
It was probably because of how near we were, but I suddenly felt like an open book as my heart melted. Words I would usually never say were on the tip of my tongue, and I didn’t care if they were too mushy for my liking. As for now, I wanted to let us mean something to each other.
“You are a good guy,” I said. “And you never disappoint me.”


His smile grew. “You make me happy, you know. Really happy and sometimes it’s scary.”


I couldn’t help but look away from him at those words, knowing I couldn’t let him see how much they meant to me. “Me too.”
I felt my ears heat up as I wondered what had gotten into me. This wasn’t the person I was; I hated talking about feelings. I hated admitting how much someone truly meant to me. It had always made me feel vulnerable, but here I was doing it.


As I continued to look away wondering, I suddenly felt a finger on my chin. Before I knew it, the finger was pushing my face so that I was looking at Christian again. He was already looking at me with eyes filled with affection and to my surprise, lust.


“You have no idea how much what you just said means to me,” he said quietly, as if it was supposed to be a secret between the two of us. “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”


This time, I couldn’t look away as my heart skipped a beat. We were so close to each other, so intimate with just our eyes. Even though this was a moment I had wanted between us, a moment I even cherished now, my mind started screaming incest.
But before I could move away from him. Before I could even tell him that I had to leave, knowing I couldn’t take being so close to him, he moved forward and planted his lips on mine. It happened so fast that I froze, completely thrown off guard.


My eyes widened as he kissed me gently. With his lips just as soft as I assumed, he kissed me. My heart was pounding hard and my body felt limp from the touch, but my mind was screaming. Screaming that I needed to get away from him. That this was wrong. That this was incest. So no matter how badly I wanted to kiss him back. No matter how much my body screamed for me to just hold him against me and kiss his lovely lips, I didn’t. I just stayed where I was frozen.
After a few seconds, he pulled away from me and frowned. I looked away as I spotted the hurt in his eyes, knowing that we were in a horribly awkward situation. We shouldn’t be, but we were cursed to be step-siblings. I felt anger at the thought, knowing I just ruined something I really wanted because of such a simple name.


“You didn’t kiss me back,” Christian commented. “You… Don’t want to?”
I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t bare to because what I would say next was something that would probably hurt me more than him.


“Obviously.” I smiled sadly to myself. “We’re step-siblings… Incest. That’s disgusting.”
We were still sitting right next to each other, so I noticed him wince. My own heart dropped painfully as I told him the truth I wanted to deny. I told him something that would make him reconsider ever putting a move on me. Suddenly, I wanted to cry.


“Do you really think… It’s disgusting?” Christian asked, sounding flat.
I looked at him to see if he was angry, but he was expressionless. He was staring blankly at me, looking slightly confused. My heart stung and my brain hurt, even though it had been the one screaming incest a moment ago.
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “Don’t you?”
He shrugged and suddenly la!d down on my bed. I frowned as I watched him close his eyes. Right now I wanted to cry, but he looked so relaxed. It hurt more to see him like this, but I considered the fact that he was drunk. This whole event happened because he was drunk, I realized miserably.


After a couple of minutes, I decided to tell him that we should just erase this from our memories, just like every other moment we had together. But as I looked at him again, I saw that his chest was rising up and down in a peaceful rhythm. I frowned as I realized he was asleep, and I suddenly slid to the ground.
With him asleep, I allowed myself to cry quietly. Even if Christian was drunk, I wondered if he wanted more too. If he craved our touched, our affection, just like me. If so, my heart would shatter. Knowing he wanted me back would break me since we could be more if it weren’t for that stupid word incest. I hated it and everything it represented. I hated what it was doing to me.
.