Solace - S01 E01

Story 1 year ago

Solace - S01 E01

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 1

My mother, Alena, became inconsolable. When she wasn’t weeping uncontrollably she was staring dead-eyed out the living room window like Dad would pull into the driveway any second. She turned into a zombie, a shell of the woman she had been. She shuffled through her daily routine, still mostly meeting her obligations, but the spark had gone out of her. She was empty. She lost a concerning amount of weight, and took on a gaunt, haunted appearance. Still fresh from the pain of losing my father, watching her get like that broke my heart all over again.

Cora did a little better. My sister got all her tears out at the funeral. But I don’t think I ever really saw her smile again after that, and her anxiety went through the roof. That first night after we put Dad in the ground, she came to my bedroom around 3am and asked if she spend the rest of it with me. Not sexually, you sick fucks (we’ll get there). She wasn’t in a state to fully articulate it, but apparently she was waking up every 30 or so minutes from nightmares that I was dead too. Being able to hear me breathing in the dark calmed her down, reassured her. Not enough that she didn’t wake up screaming several times, but she said it helped.

For my part I tried to step into the role of man of the house. It didn’t work out so good. My father was a wise, patient man who always knew exactly what to say (and what not to say) to keep everything running smoothly. Those were shoes 20-year-old community college student Kevin Marengo was just never going to be able to fill. The first time I woke up in the middle of the night, crying like a baby, my sister holding me in her arms rocking me back and forth, I knew I was cooked. At least I didn’t have to worry about being the family breadwinner. Dad’s life insurance would cover us for a while, long enough for me to graduate, so that was one problem we could defer.

As our collective living nightmare settled into just another routine, Mom, Cora, and I came to rely on each other in ways we hadn’t before. According to my girlfriend, Jade, we were becoming too dependent on each other. But we were the only ones who knew what we were going through, and that meant we were the only ones we could rely on. We were together every waking moment. Cora routinely spent the night in my room rather than her own. She was the most overt about it, but we all clung to each other out of the desperate fear that another one of us would be taken away.

A year passed. We pretended we were getting over it. Mom went back to work. I’d never stopped taking classes, though the first semester after the accident my course-load was much lighter than it had been. Cora deferred college applications, but entered her Senior year determined to keep up her grades and maintain her social life. I think we almost had each other fooled.

Then came the next big hurdle. Mom’s friends invited her out. This wasn’t unusual by itself. These women had done their best to make sure my mother stayed engaged with other human beings as she navigated the death of her husband, but this time was different. No one said it outright, but it was clear Mom’s friends thought it was time for her to get back in the saddle. Instead of going out to one of their usual spots, they were headed into the city to hit a club, and it was intimated to Cora and me that we shouldn’t necessarily be surprised if Mom didn’t come home that night. That Mom wasn’t ready for a committed relationship again did not mean she wasn’t ready to get dicked down, apparently.

I’m being catty. At the time, part of me thought it wasn’t a terrible idea. Though I tried not to think about it, Mom was a grown woman with a grown woman’s needs. God knows in the months after Dad died physical intimacy with Jade had done a lot to keep me grounded and sane. Mom hadn’t had any of that, so I told myself that a night on the town getting her insides rearranged would probably be good for her. Cora was clearly unhappy that Mom wouldn’t be spending the night at home with us, but basically seemed to agree with me. So we smiled as we waved goodbye to Mom, ordered ourselves a pizza, and spent the night on the couch together watching meme compilations. When we went to bed at 1:00am Cora even decided to sleep in her own room. I guess she wanted to show that she was also letting go of the past and didn’t need to be with us 24/7.

I was woken at 3:13 to my bedroom door opening. At first I thought it was Cora, the loneliness having finally gotten to her, but peering up at the silhouette in my doorway I realized it was Mom. I was just starting to sit up and greet her when she closed the door behind herself and shuffled further into my room. Even in the dark her gait made it obvious that she was quite drunk.

Kicking her heels off she made it to the edge of my bed, where she sat down giggling. The mixed scent of sweat and vodka filled the air. Mom’s hair was disheveled. She still wore the frankly scandalous little black dress she had gone out it. To my relief, it didn’t look like it had been taken off at any point in the evening.

“What’s up, Mom?” I asked blearily, “You need some water? Want me to help you back to your room?”

Mom shook her head.

“You’re such a good boy, Kevin.” She said. She wasn’t slurring as much as I expected. Scooting in closer she rested her head on my shoulder and leaned into me. “You remind me so much of your father. I miss him so much, baby. I see how you take care of your sister, and I’m so proud of you. But I’m also a little sad. I know how much it means to her, but sometimes I wish I could have that too. I’ve never said it, because I don’t want to take it away from her, but I want it too. I miss having another person with me when I sleep, y’know? So can I, just tonight, can I stay here, Kevin?”

I reached my arm around her shoulder and pulled my mother in closer to me.

“Yeah, of course Mom. I get it. It makes me feel better knowing someone else is here, too. Just close your eyes and get some rest.”

Mom hiccuped as we lay down together. She pressed herself into my side as I gently lowered both of us down. I closed my eyes. Not being alone in the dark with her thoughts always helped my sister. It helped me too, I could admit. It made sense Mom would want the same reassurance. Cora might have bristled slightly at the suggestion, but deep down she and Mom were pretty similar.

Mom rested her head on my chest and snuggled into me, pulling my arm tighter around her shoulder. Reaching across my abdomen she held me just as tightly, her leg hooking around mine at the knees. We cuddled each other in the silence of the darkness, enjoying the calming effects of our physical intimacy. Periodically Mom rubbed her soft cheek against my bare chest (I was sleeping in just a pair of boxers). Suddenly, I felt moisture on my pecs. I heard the ragged inhale of breath a moment later. Mom was crying.