If I fall - S01 E38

6 months ago

If I fall - S01 E38

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 38

I didn't sleep that night. My thoughts had remained completely uninterrupted and had driven me crazy. Drew's words had replayed nonstop in my head, and I couldn't forget the way her voice had shook towards the end of our conversation. I was still trying to comprehend what exactly had happened. I was still analyzing every word, trying to recognize every detail of the situation because I figured if I dissected it enough it would eventually make sense.

It didn't, and now I was on my fifth cup of coffee while I made my way to the dance studio for my shift.

I hadn't talked to anyone about anything concerning last night, not Maria and most definitely not Jada. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would have no choice, but just thinking about Drew would cause a tightening in my chest.

It was almost like I was in shock, like I couldn't believe we were over. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that I wouldn't hear from her or that she had officially ended us. The reality of the situation hadn't set in, and I feared when it did. I just prayed it wouldn't be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But right now I had to try my best to keep my shit together for the next few hours.

Walking in I noticed the absence of Maria, so I savored the few moments to myself while I escaped to the bathroom.

I glanced in the mirror momentarily, seeing the bags that had formed from last night. My eyes were red and my skin dull. I honestly looked horrible, which mirrored exactly how I felt but I had to push through. If anything this shift was it was a distraction that I desperately needed, so I would take advantage of it.

It was tonight I was worried about.

The next few minutes were a blur as the girls started showing up and stretching. Maria was late, which was a bit of a surprise, but as soon as she saw me she asked.

"What the hell's up with you?"

I looked down and suddenly it became hard to swallow, "We can't talk about it right now."

It was like she instantly understood, because when I brought my eyes up to hers she had an expression of shock and regret on her face. She wanted to ask, I could tell, and it was taking her everything she had not to. I took a deep breath at the understanding my best friend seemed to have for me.

"Shit" she muttered, "Okay, tonight."

And that was that, at least for the next few hours as I desperately distracted myself with the young dancers. Everything was sad. The inside of my chest was grey like the sky before a rainstorm. There was no escaping it. I could distract my brain but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't ignore the pain in my heart.

It was a real struggle, like my body was in physical pain yet my eyes hadn't broken into tears. I figured it was only a matter of time, and it wasn't until the teens were leaving when Maria confronted me.

She sighed, "Do you want me to come over?"

I nodded, "That'd be great. I don't wanna be alone."

Her hand slipped into mine then, giving me a comforting squeeze as we waited patiently. I honestly wasn't looking forward to talking about it because that meant admitting it was real. The break up would become reality as soon as it left my mouth, and I wasn't sure if I was mentally prepared for it.

The trip to my house was quiet. All I focused on were the city lights that weren't as bright as usual. The streets were busy and eclectic but I couldn't enjoy the sight. It hurt. Everything hurt and it wasn't fair.

By the time we made it home everything was a blur, the ability to focus absent. I felt as if I had just woken up, my head was fuzzy and time itself seemed to be nonexistent. The feeling of Maria's hand in mine was the only thing keeping me anchored to reality.