If I fall - S01 E19

Story 6 months ago

If I fall - S01 E19

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 19

The days began passing so rapidly I had barely enough time to think about anything other than school and dancing. Drew and I had begun to work on our duet performance and everything seemed to be going better than expected. I was excited for the recital, knowing already that we were going to blow them away and I couldn't wait. I was proud to show off my crew one last time, and I was ready to make Mrs. Andrews eat her words concerning Drew.

I wanted to make sure she had no doubt in her mind that Drew and I had blown ever one away after seeing us dance together.

The only thing I had found myself excessively worrying about during that week was Drew's fight. She had stayed late at the gym Monday and Wednesday with Demarcus to prepare herself, even though she had told me not to worry, claiming it was an easy win. She had even asked me if I would be interested in going but I declined, not wanting to step foot in that place until her and Jada had to duke it out again.

Other than that the days passed with ease.

I found Drew and I were growing closer, but even that didn't stop me from growing more curious over our latest conversation about Evan. Ever since then she had seemed too afraid to bring it up again, and I was afraid I had discouraged her by my reaction, which hadn't been much of a reaction at all.

Did she think she had intimidated me? Scared me? I wasn't sure and I was too reluctant to ask her, and so the conversation stayed at rest.

Thanksgiving break was now well underway, and tomorrow Jada and I would be heading back over to our hometown to celebrate with our family. I was excited to see them all of course, but it also reminded me that Drew had no family to celebrate with. It was hard to enjoy vacation whenever all I could think about was Drew being alone during the holidays.

Of course I had considered inviting her to come but figured it probably wouldn't be a good idea to reunite her and Jada at my family gathering. The last thing I needed was for the two too get into it in the living room of my home and break a coffee table or something.

So letting it be seemed like the best option, because even though I wanted Drew along I knew periods apart were necessary. Not because we were always together but because it wasn't the right time to introduce her, and being patient was the new thing now.

"Are you packed?"

I looked over to Jada, nodding, "Yea, why?"

She shrugged, "Just making sure. Tomorrow when I'm ready to leave I'm leaving, with or without you."

I rolled my eyes, smiling, "Thanks."

"No problem," she continued doing the dishes in the sink before turning back to me, "You know, I talked to the coordinators for the fighting league."

I felt something in my heart stop, and for some odd and paranoid reason I thought she was about to call me out for being involved with Drew. I knew she didn't know, and I was just being paranoid, but that didn't stop me heart from pounding harder in my chest...

I found I couldn't even look in her eyes as I questioned, "For?"

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

She saved the last of the dishes and walked over towards the living room where I was, "Well, since I was released from my concussion I'm able to fight again. They're making me fight Drew again in a little over a month."

I sucked in a tight breath at her mentioning of Drew's name, the tone of her voice confirming that she still had a lot of spite directed towards her. I nodded, trying to seem as if it didn't affect me, "So they're not making you redeem yourself for losing?"

She shook her head, "No, considering I was undefeated and they believe I have a shot at going pro they're just gonna give me a quick second chance."

I shook my head, wishing I didn't have to be stuck in the middle but inevitably was, "Yea, I know."

"You'll come, right?"

I shrugged, not really wanting to answer, "I don't know, I mean I think I brought you bad luck last time."

"Be quiet, I kind of screwed myself, but don't worry. I'll win this time."

I stayed quiet, not really wanting to talk about this anymore, and Jada noticed my mood change. She had to know I didn't like what she was involved in; I mean it wasn't a secret. But she didn't press me further about it, allowing me to dismiss myself it my bedroom.

I didn't know if Drew knew about it, but texting and asking sounded weird. I mean, she had to know right? And I'm sure she would tell me as soon as I saw her in person again. There was no need to worry about something like this the day before Thanksgiving.

I soon realized I couldn't help but worry, and I silently wondered what would happen if Jada lost again. Drew needed to win as well, and I knew there was nothing Drew wanted more than to be out of that place. If Jada lost, what would that mean? No professional career? And if Drew lost, did that mean she would need to fight even more? I rubbed my temples as I zipped my travel bag and threw it onto the ground, trying to relax a little.

I decided I would try my best not to think about this until Friday afternoon when Jada and I got back to town, but wasn't sure if I would succeed.

Jada and I had arrived at our childhood home about two hours ago, every single one of our family members greeting us as soon as we walked through the door. I had missed them more than I realized, and I was glad that I would be able to spend an entire day with them. Extended family was here as well because most of my family actually lived in Philadelphia, and seeing all of them was a bonus.

I felt my phone vibrate then, seeing Drew's name pop up on my screen. Even though Drew and I were apart I still continued to text her throughout the day but noticed we hadn't talked about anything significant. I wasn't the one to have important conversations over text, but for some reason I craved something a little deeper. I internally scolded myself for expecting that from Drew, especially on a day where she probably figured I would want to spend time with my family instead of texting.

Then suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by my mom sitting next to me on our couch. She was holding a glass of wine and eyeing me profusely, "So, who are you texting?"

I shook my head, "No one."

"I'm your mother. You really shouldn't try and lie to me."

"I'm not."

"Breanna Claire."

I smiled then, realizing I had missed my mom even if we hadn't had the closest relationship growing up. Usually it was always me and dad, but ever since the bad break up with Ashley my mom had tried really hard to fit herself back into my life.

She started again, "Is this the motorbike girl your dad isn't fond of?"

Motorbike girl, I mocked internally, nodding, "Yea it is."

"Danny, is it?"

I was confused for a second, and then remembered the moment instantly, knowing it was a flat out lie. Should I just tell her the truth? I didn't believe she would mention our conversation to Jada if I asked her to, but what reason would I have to keep it from my older sister?

I hesitated, "Actually, her names Drew."

"What happened to Danny?"

I sighed, "Drew is Danny, I lied about her name."

"Why?"

"Because at the time it wasn't anything serious," I chimed, deciding against using Jada as an excuse, knowing that would start even more problems if I did.

I watched my mom smirk at my remark, "So I'm guessing it's getting a little more serious now...?"

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, indicating another text from Drew but refusing to open it right at this moment. I looked up at my mom, "I'd like to think it is."

"Serious enough for you to introduce her to the family?"

I groaned at her pushiness, "Mom, I've only known her a few months."

My mom shifted, "Yea but you light up when you talk about her."

I knew she wasn't lying when she said that because I absolutely loved talking about Drew. Also, now that I didn't have to lie to at least one family member, it really made it easier to breathe.

I nodded, "I like her a lot."

"How old is she?"

"Twenty-three," I stated.

"Pretty?"

I answered immediately, "Gorgeous."

"Last name?"

I gave her a wary look, "Why do I feel like you're interrogating me?"

Giving me her best mom smile she shrugged, "Because I can't interrogate her, so you're getting it instead."

I shook my head, smiling, "Mom don't worry, if it gets serious enough you'll meet her."

"Unless Jada scares her away before."

Even though my mom was obviously joking I felt something in me freeze up at her comment. It had put something into perspective for me, and I knew that my reaction only furthered my worry about my older sister. I needed Jada to accept Drew being in my life if I wanted it to work because choosing over my family would never happen.

I understood Jada's intentions were immature but it didn't hide the fact that Jada had a lot of hard feelings towards Drew.

I forced a laugh to cover up my weird reaction, "Yea, you're probably right, which is why I need you to keep this to yourself."

She shook her head, "As in...?"

"Don't tell Jada."

My mom seemed to grow even more confused with my responses now, "I mean I'll keep it between us since you asked but... why?"

I thumbed my phone that was in my hand, wondering how to go about this appropriately. I shrugged, attempting to find the right words, "Because after the whole Ashley thing... she's really protective. I like Drew a lot and I don't want Jada to scare her just yet... because Jada's interrogation tactics are a lot worse than yours."

This got my mom off my back, and she relaxed a bit into our old couch. She nodded, "Yea, that sounds like Jada. Okay, I won't talk."

I smiled, "Thanks."

"So, besides the fact that she drives a deathtrap, what is she like?"

I beamed at the thought of Drew, "She's tall, gorgeous, and she's so...smart. She's closed off for the most part, but once you get her to open up she's like an open book. Oh and she loves to read."

My mom seemed enchanted at me just explaining Drew, which seemed to say a lot about both of them. I could tell she was extremely curious too, which only encouraged me but I held back, not wanting to sound too desperate.

"Will she be going to the winter recital?"

I almost blurted out the truth but then second guessed myself, not knowing if that was a good idea yet. I mean, I didn't want to make plans just in case something happened to prevent Drew from being there. I didn't want to think about that happening, and assuring my mom to introduce them that night seemed too far away for any kind of promise.

I shrugged, "I don't know yet."

She patted my leg, "You should invite her, I'd like to meet her soon."

"Mom," I pressed, "We're not together, we're just kind of getting to know each other."

"Yea well, it sounds like you're in love with her already," my mom confessed, and for some reason the thought of being in love with anyone sounded extremely scary. I was sure my mom was only joking but I wasn't sure how to react. I couldn't be in love with Drew already, could I?

No, that wasn't possible. I hadn't fallen in love with Ashley that quick; Drew couldn't be any different, right?

"Did I freak you out?" I heard my mom asking, sounding almost concerned.

I shook my head, gripping my phone tighter in my palm, "Uh no... I just..."

"Don't be scared, honey," my mom encouraged, grabbing my attention, "I know Ashley hurt you but falling in love is a beautiful thing. Don't let your past discourage your future."

I shook my head, "This got serious entirely too fast."

She grabbed my hand then, shaking her head, "Bree, not to freak you out even more but... I've never seen you this happy, and that's including while you were with Ashley."

"Thanks mom, that really helped," I lied, already feeling the anxiety developing in my chest. I had to remind myself I had chosen this, I had decided to pursue Drew and risk my heart once more. Backing out now was out of the question, and even if I was scared I needed to embrace it and face it head on. I had vowed to no longer run away, and I was sticking to that promise, no matter how afraid I was of being hurt.

Thankfully my mom decided to drop the subject and continue on to something else, "So, dad and I talked with the property owners of your old dance studio..."

This got my attention immediately, already hoping that good news was going to come out of her mouth. I nodded, "And?"

She smiled, "They're looking to renovate soon, only if you promise to come back and teach after your internship."

My heart swelled with something that made my entire body warm, and I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. I nodded, "Oh tell them I'll be here, ready to teach as soon as I can..."

My mom smiled, "They're only keeping that old building up for you, you know. They know you want to come back and revive it."

I was eager to come back and do just that, ready to start the career I had wanted since I was little. I loved the idea of having my own studio, and I was only a few months away from it. I was ready to come back home, start my own life the way I had planned. I was ready to come back here and provide the studio environment so many young dancers needed.

But where would that leave me and Drew...?

I shook the thought, knowing that worrying over her was something I couldn't do, at least not at this point. I liked Drew, a lot, but I knew my place was here in Philadelphia. I wasn't so sure about her yet, but the thought of leaving her behind at the end of my last semester saddened me.

My mom squeezed my knee, grabbing my attention, "So if you're serious, I'll tell them. They'll start renovating immediately."

I looked at her, excitement clear in our eyes, "Yes please, you know this is what I want."

She leaned in, kissing my head, "I'm so proud of you."

I beamed with pride, "I haven't finished yet."

She shook her head, "It doesn't matter, I'm still proud, of both you and your sister. I feel like I never told you enough though."

I didn't know why but there was suddenly a lump in my throat, and it became hard to swallow. Why had this provoked such a reaction? Was it because what she was saying was kind of true? Was it because I knew she meant it this time, after all the years I had spent dancing my ass off without much complementation from her? Did she feel guilty?

I nodded, "I love you."

"I love you too, Bree," and then our conversation was cut short by the signal that everyone was ready for our Thanksgiving feast.

I tried to regain my composure, knowing that me and my mom's heart to heart wouldn't go unnoticed if I didn't. Hearing her say she was proud of me felt like an accomplishment well earned, as if I had been striving for her approval. Maybe it was because I always felt like the outsider of the family considering I was always a little different. I wasn't anything like my sister growing up, and I obviously took interest to other things besides boys. Maybe I had always felt a little inferior being who I was in my own home, and hearing my mom say those things gave me the confidence I had been craving for a while.

It wasn't like she didn't accept me, even though she had trouble understanding when I had first come out to them as bisexual. My dad took it a little easier than her, but I always felt like I had disappointed her in a way. So hearing her say she was proud of me really lifted a giant weight off of my shoulders.

The lunch passed quickly, all of us ending up too full too move and soon everyone was leaving me and my family to clean. Coming home for the holidays always reminded me how much I actually missed my hometown, making me want to graduate right then and there.

I was currently lying in my old bed, texting Drew who seemed to be wide awake even though I was exhausted. I didn't mind staying up to talk to her though, mostly because I missed being in her presence. I wasn't sure if I would see her tomorrow either, but I would see her Saturday, so a little conversation would hold me over until then.

I read her latest text, "So, how was your day all together?"

I smiled, replying, "Great, I miss being home in Philly. What about you?"

"It was fine, the usual Thanksgiving evening for me. Nothing special."

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

I felt my heart contract in guilt, wondering how someone like Drew could manage being alone for so long. I hated to think that she was used to it but maybe that was how she got by. The fact that she didn't have much family if any got me down, so being thankful was the epitome of today, and she made me realize that.

I typed back, "I'm thankful for you, by the way. Just in case I forgot to tell you."

"Same here, and I can't wait to see you again."

I smiled like an idiot then, realizing this was out of character for Drew. She usually didn't say sappy things like that, but I loved hearing them when she did decide to.

I responded, "Me too, but I think I'm going to crash at any second and I don't want to fall asleep on you."

"Then I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night Breanna. :)"

I texted my goodnight and set my phone on my nightstand, turning on my side and suddenly realizing I wished Drew was here with me. Sleeping next to her brought me a certain type of warmth and comfort I could only find in her, and nights like these made me realize that.

But before I drifted off to sleep I couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same when she was alone at night.

The next morning Jada and I decided we would have breakfast with mom and dad at the local diner we used to go to all the time before we left. I found it hard to leave but I knew we had to get back to our lives, and I would be back for Christmas break anyway. There were just a few more weeks until then.

I sipped on my usual coffee as I finished up my pancakes, enjoying the company of my family for a few more minutes before we separated. My parents paid for the meal, naturally before allowing us to gather our things and ready ourselves to leave. I didn't want but the thought of Drew actually helped me say my goodbyes.

Before we left the diner Jada excused herself, "I'm gonna go use the bathroom before we head out, okay?"

I nodded, "Yea sure."

Then I was left with my parents for a few seconds as they hugged me and dismissed themselves as well, knowing that they would see us in a few weeks.

I lingered by the door, checking my phone to see if Drew had texted me but figured she was probably at work already. I guessed they would be closed for Thanksgiving but open the very next day, so she was probably busy.

The chatter of the diner was low due to the semi-early hour, but when Jada exited the bathroom I turned, only to come face to face with the one person I didn't want to.

"Bree," she mumbled, my heart nearly jumping right out of my chest.

I nodded, "Hey..."

Ashley honestly could've picked a better time to pop up, like never, but when Jada noticed it was her she became defensive. I felt her press, "C'mon Breanna, I'm ready."

Ashley panicked at me leaving so suddenly, as if she had something she needed to tell me. I wasn't sure what it could be, but she intruded Jada and I before we made it out the door.

"Can we talk? We didn't really get a chance the other day..."

I was torn, mostly because I knew we needed to get things off of our chest but knowing now wasn't the right time. I looked at Jada, who was clearly annoyed with Ashley's presence, but I dismissed her for a second.

I sighed, "Jada give me a minute, I won't be long."

I could tell she wasn't keen on the idea but complied anyway, heading out to the car to start it and warm it up for our drive back. My attention faced Ashley once more before she started.

"Bree, I'm so sorry... I really don't know where to start but I have so much to tell-"

"Stop," I cut her off, not wanting her to get the wrong idea, "I'm all for talking, but now isn't the right time. I'm heading back home."

She seemed defeated, a look of sadness crossing her tired features. I wanted to have sympathy for her but I couldn't find any. She didn't deserve my pity, and I didn't want her to think I was reconsidering being with her or anything like that.

She nodded, "Yea, okay... when's a good time then?"

I looked past her and out the door, seeing Jada waiting impatiently in the car. I knew I was going to get ten kinds of hell once I joined her but that was later, and this was now.

I shook my head, "Uh, I'll be back in town around Christmas, maybe then."

I could tell by her reaction that she didn't want to wait an entire month but had absolutely no choice. She needed to understand we were over, and there was nothing left for us in the end. I knew I couldn't be friends with her, there was just too much history, and she didn't deserve it if you asked me. After what she had done I would never be able to forgive her completely and start anew.

She did nothing but respond a simple, "Okay."

I nodded, dismissing myself out of the diner and towards Jada who was eyeing me profusely. I sent a silent prayer hoping that she wouldn't be too harsh, and if she was I knew it would be ten times worse when she found out about Drew in the long run.