The Dark of You - S01 E29

7 months ago

The Dark of You - S01 E29

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 29

This is not me

I opened my eyes after stretching to find myself all alone in Rylan's bed. With tired eyes, I sat up, but there is no sign of her anywhere. It's probably pathetic to admit that it saddens me that she isn't here. Every time I woke up during the night, I found her awake, staring at me. I did that a few times and I had hoped to see her asleep this morning, but she is obviously not here.

After going back to my bedroom to change clothes, I followed the trail of coffee upstairs. Rylan's stated in the kitchen while my grandmother is preparing breakfast like she does every morning with the sun shining through the window.

"Hi," I said as Rylan's blue eyes met mine.

"Morning," She replied but gazed back down at her phone quickly. It's like my bones just sunk to the ground.

"Sit down," My grandmom told me and I did as she said and sat down across from Rylan. The smell of bacon and eggs lingers in the air, but it's the tension between Rylan and me that takes my attention. Slowly Rylan raised her head and finally looked at me. I can't tell what's in her eyes, but it seems to be a lot of unanswered questions flying around in there.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, but she didn't utter a word before she looked back down at her phone.

"There we go," My grandmom said as she laid our plates on the table.

"Thank you," Rylan and I said at the same time, which made grandmom grin. I smiled lightly but avoided taking a look at Rylan as it brings frustration.

After breakfast, Rylan left for the balcony and has been out there for a while now. I don't know what is going on in her mind, but all I know is that her silence is torment for me as I'm clueless about what has happened or what is happening. Giving in to the annoyance, I find my way outside to her. She's leaning over the railing staring out at the view of the town. I bite my lower lip, not sure if I should go and stand beside her, but I do as I'm too stubborn for my own good.

"What's wrong?" I asked and laid my hand on her arm, but she took a step to the side. It felt as if I had committed a crime by touching her with how she is watching me.

"This is not okay," She whispered as she glanced at the door to make sure my grandmom didn't hear. I bit the bottom of my lip as I avoided her stern gaze by looking over the view of the town. She is right and I do not deny that. However, it doesn't mean the truth hurts.

"I work for your dad and my job is to protect you no matter what and I need this, Hadley," She rubbed her temple rapidly in frustration, but as I'm aware she didn't sleep this night, there must be a headache hiding behind those blue eyes.

"I don't know if you haven't noticed, but rules do not apply to me," I said and clenched my jaw as anger wants to burst. Rylan tilted her head as she narrowed her tired eyes.

"As a soldier, rules do apply to me. It's my job to follow orders," She said proudly and I sighed in frustration.

"What happened yesterday shouldn't have happened and it won't again," Her words stung and I bite my inner cheeks to control the unbearable pain she brought.

"Fine," I said firmly and walked back inside.

***

The cab ride to my aunt's Christmas party was silent. Rylan hasn't spoken one word since we last talked and neither has I. Yet, I can't help but glance at her from time to time as she looks stunning in the blue suit she got when we were in London. She's standing straight in her corner while I admire her from the bar. With a few empty glasses in front of me, I add another one to the pile.

"Hi," I moved to the side as a random woman came up next to me with a bright smile.

"Hi," I said slowly as I don't understand why she is speaking to me.

"Can I sit?" She asked nicely as she pointed to the chair next to me.

"Sure," I shrugged and she sat down and this time, I took her in. Eyes green as grass, skin pale but spotless, a confident smile and blond hair as radiant as the sun.

"I'm Aly," She reached out her hand to me and I accepted it. Her hand is firm and warm in my own, but then she let go as she ordered a drink.

"I'm Hadley," I smiled at the woman next to me.

"I know, your aunt sent me your way," She grinned and I furrowed my eyebrows as I turned in my seat to find my aunt in the crowd, but she is nowhere to be seen.

"She thought you needed some company," Aly said and I raised my eyebrow.

"What makes her think you could be of a company?" I asked with a sly smile.

"I offered," She winked and it took me off the guard. I'm not the one who gets flirted with. I'm the one who does the flirting.

"Why?" I asked curiously and Aly leaned closer to me.

"I thought you looked cute," She admitted and my cheeks heated up. Aly clearly noticed as she grinned at my reaction. I shook my head at myself as I'm way over my head with this one.

"Just don't," I warned her and she furrowed her eyebrows but nodded as she took her drink into her hand.

"I'm sorry. I didn't intend to make you uncomfortable," She offered an apologetic smile.

"It's not your fault. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone," I explain myself and look in the direction of Rylan and we met eyes for a brief moment, but she turned away. I can't keep my eyes off her. It's like I have to know if she is alright. For all I know, she might pass out on the floor from lack of sleep. How she can still stand on her feet is astonishing to me. It literally hurts me to watch her suffer like this.

"She is cute," I turned to Aly, who looked in the direction of Rylan.

"She is more than that," I said out loud before I could stop my mouth. A smile tugged at Aly's lips as she looked back at me.

"Ah, I see. You have your eyes already set on someone," She said and I let out a deep breath as the pain wrapped its hands around my throat, preventing me from breathing. I slipped off my seat and rushed for the exit as something deep in my belly needed to be released. I pushed the door roughly open and went onto the street. Bending down, I threw up whatever my body decided it wanted out of me.

"Hadley?" I heard my name and I stood up as I whipped my mouth with the back of my hand. I turned with tears in my eyes to Rylan, who watches me with concern in her eyes.

"I'm fine," I muttered, but she doesn't appear convinced. However, why should I care what she thinks? I walked down the street as I need as much distance from Rylan as I can get.

"Hadley, you are drunk. You can't walk on your own," She said firmly, but I ignored her as I kept on going down the dark street. A strong hand on my arm stopped me.

"Let me go!" I shouted and she did immediately.

"Let's get you back to your grandmom," She offered her hand to me and I stared at it. A hand, a small gesture of comfort. That's all there is and will be, isn't it?

"I don't want a piece of you, Rylan," She let her hand down as she tilted her head like she always does when she listens to me intently.

"I want all the pieces. I don't care how broken they are because, you, Rylan," I bite my tongue.

"You have done something to me that I can't undo," I said fiercely as tears stained my face.

"I have no power over myself when I'm around you and I can't take it, "I struggled to breathe as the words slipped out of me.

"This is not me," I cried and Rylan stepped closer to me until her arms were around my back. Silent sobs escaped me as she held me tightly in her arms and I breathed in her mild familiar scent.

"This is not me either," She whispered.