Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 31
“Nkiru i wan buy 1500 recharge card, MTN” i
ordered as we got to Nkiru’s shop. “Oga Haruna,
i dey greet oh” I greeted Huruna her husband
who was seated in the shop carrying their baby.
“oga Haruna i hail oh” Brainbox also greeted.
Brainbox stood at my back staring at the wares
on display. Unaware to me that he had already
started “writing” L101 “exam” and his next
course would be L102.
“oga Haruna, dis una pekin fine oh” i flattered
as i carried the little baby from him. I actually
said that with heavy irony. “ehen na her mama
she resemble na” Haruna said smiling.
My oh my!! The baby was d’amn “beautifully
u’gly”, just like her mum. “Like mother, like
daughter” goes the popular adage. But my prayer
for the baby was that she doesn’t grow up to
become u’glier than her mum. If not she would
most definately win the “u’gly pageant” as the
u’gliest woman in Nigeria.
Brainbox finished writing L101 exam and started
writing L102, as i could feel him putting
something in my back pocket. I tried to figure out
what it could be, then i concluded it to be small
size Peak tin milk because it was a bit heavy.
After about 2minutes of carrying the beautifully
u’gly baby, i handed her to her Dad, before she
would infect me with “u’gly disease” making my
unborn child look like her.
Nkiru handed over the 1500 recharge card to me,
and i paid.
As i was about turning to leave, i felt another
Peak tin milk entered my other back pocket. It
seemed Brainbox had not finished writing L102
exam, so i tried to kill time by recharging my
phone with the 1500 card. Before i could finish
recharging, “pens up!!”, Brainbox signalled the
end of L102 exam by pinching me at the back.
As we walked out of the shop, i saw from the
corner of my eyes that Haruna was staring at my
two bulging back pockets. Or had we gotten carry
over in L102?
“abi him don catch us?” i asked myself as i
increased my steps.
“wey Baba jay na?” Brainbox asked as we enter
the room. “him dey toilet oh, the guy dey vomit
for toilet” Man said. “so na dis Saint Remy wey
him drink, nahim make am dey vomit, after him
go say him be old man” i said.
“wetin una carry for una pocket na?” Man asked.
I brought out the content of my back pocket. I
was right, it was two tin Peak milk. Brainbox also
emptied his pocket, what he brought out
Sadines, tin tomatoes, sachet salt, onion balls
were what he stole. We had actually gone
shopping, shopping without paying.
“dis Brainbox u be original thief oh, see all the
things wey u thief, infact na u be the king of
looting for dis house oh” i said.
“which kin king of looting him be? For where
Baba jay and Man dey? E get one day wey Baba
jay go Nkiru place go do L101, so wen him reach
there, him com see say na Boxers him wear and
Boxers no dey get pocket, naso him com put the
tin tomatoe for him mouth oh, as Nkiru com dey
talk to Baba jay, Baba Jay no answer her so she
no go know say him put tin tomatoe for him
mouth, instead Baba jay just dey shake him
head” Snoop narrated. “shey Nkiru catch am?” i
asked, “for where, dem dey catch breeze?” Tega
added. I believed the story, because Baba jay
had a mouth that was wide enough to contain
even as much as “five” tin tomatoes
conveniently. (kids: don’t try this at home).
“u never hear anything sef, what of Man wey
wear Cap go do L101, as him reach Nkiru shop
naso him thief dried Fish com put am for the Cap,
com wear the Cap for him head” Tega narrated.
(kids: you can try this at home, but don’t let
mummy catch you).
I couldn’t help but laughed at how guys could go
the extra length just to get an A in the course
L101. In my Mind, i was trying to figure out
between Man and Baba jay who could be called
“the course rep.” of L101.
“mehn! Boys get skills for Looting oh” Brainbox
confessed and we all laughed.
An hour later, it was time to sleep. It was
certian that two persons would be sleeping on
the floor. The question was who and who would
the two persons be?
Man whispered an idea to me,”Man wey dey
reason!!” i cheered.
“Tega, show for outside, me and Man wan see u”
i told Tega.
Tega joined us outside and Man said, “u know say
Pkc no dey, and u know say na two visitors you
bring? That one mean say na two people go sleep
for ground, and e no go make sense make ur
visitors sleep for ground?” Man explained. “yes
na” Tega responded. “so me and Man wan tell u
say we go sleep for ground, but u go find us small
money” I said, “like how much?” Tega inquired,
“just give us 1000naira, 500naira for Flow,
500naira for me” Man said.
“ok, make i give una 600naira abeg” Tega
pleaded. “no be groundnut we dey sell wey u go
dey price am na” Man said. “u be our main man,
no wahala bring am we go manage am like that,
bring the 600naira” I added.
As Tega was bringing out the money from his
wallet, i recalled what MOG told me earlier, his
words: “200naira blessing is not the same as
500naira blessing”. I had already recieved
doublefold blessing that day.
Sunday came with the thought of church service.