Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E62

2 years ago

Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E62

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 62

Bros came around. He is my mother’s little brother’s son. He is like 2 years older than Willie. That was a rough guess. Jidenna is his name but we out of respect addressed him as Bros Jide. Small talks going around had it that he thought Willie how to be a clown and a ladies guy. He too was a clown of his own.

As the stories went, it was in our little village that Willie was tutored. Back when Bros was sent to take care of my mother’s mother, our grandmother. He took care of himself and the Chics instead. Then Willie went on holidays to the Village. He came back all baptized and became a new being in the game.

He told me tales about it. How Bros will tell him to change his playboy orientation. He told him how he needs to let those cheap girls be. There was no fun in running after them, they always had a “Yes” ready for your advances so there was no challenge in it and there was less fun.

“You have to make a deep chase mehn. When you do that and then she finally falls, bro girls like that who take time to fall when they eventually fall, they fall head over heels and then you have their remote control, their proper mumu button.”

That was how Bros Jide always preaches. He would often say,

“If I wanted a cheap girl and cheap sex I would go to the brothel. It’s not expensive and the girls are cleaner.”

That was how he Godfathered Willie in the affairs of the skirts. So he was around the house and everywhere was as hot as can be.

He had a bit of cash and it was just us alone. I feasted long enough on his benevolence, always buying a thing or two for my baby and our babies and telling her they were exclusively paid for by me. We spent 15 minutes of each day in chemist shops either pricing condoms or postinor 2 and always came home singing and all drunk. He would notice the way his sister, Amarachi would stare at me and the way I replied the look, then he would ask.

“Come, are the two of you drinking from the forbidden stream?”

I would shake my head and ask him why I would want to drink from that waters with my own blood. “I don’t know about you shaa but I would have not only drank from that stream but bathed in it with Ujunwa your sister if she was my agemate,” he would say and we would stagger into my room to plan out for the next day, flushing used condoms into the toilet.

I wasn’t up to 35% sure I was going to make heaven but if I had another brother very close to me and he was Bros. I would be 100% sure of going straight to hell. Even then, the ladies down there wouldn’t be free from our torments, the fire notwithstanding.

We would turn and toss on my bed discussing into the night about nothing but the ladies. He kept teaching me new things I needed to know, like how to deny a girl that might take in for me in the later future. That guy was savage. He wasn’t exactly sure as he says but he was guessing he might have fathered a couple of kids somewhere.

Willie came home a couple of days later and a playboy gang was formed in our house. For a while, a very long while, I seemed to forget about my twins and my very fine girlfriend. It wasn’t my fault, just that Naza insisted on refusing me things as little as a French kiss and little sensational hugs here and there. I had bros and I had Willie and we had a lot of other girls to keep us busy. Girls who thought I was sexy and fun to be with. Little things that Naza would never agree to or would agree to once in a blue sun. She loves me no doubt but I am a guy and I loved hearing that once in a while.

The day came that the playboy inc of my family’s chapter took a day out. Each to his chic. I hooked Freda up. It had been a while and I needed a break from all those times I kept awake to baby cries. I have been gone for a long while from them and their mother wasn’t complaining neither were they. Freda had turned into a proper slay queen but she still felt a thing or two for me and I still loved the shape of her body. We formed the perfect couple while bros and Willie hooked two random girls I had never met before. They were cute like they loved their girls to be and they ate us up like smoked fish. Starting from the joint.

Bros was smiling all through. He had a couple of cash with him so we were good. The girls loved booze and that was what the guys loved. Drunk girls were bae except that Freda refused to get drunk. She was trying her best to reawaken what I thought was dead in her and me. The feelings that we had back then, when she could never go to bed without hearing my voice. Back when Willie would address her as my wife right before her and call her my third wife with her back turned. Yes, that feeling was great back then but I have no clue about now. In as much as Naza was being conservative with what she gave to me, I still loved her and would never want to hurt her that much.

“So you are a father now,” she stated more than ask. I nodded slowly as the girl with Bros tried effortlessly to gain my attention with her eyes. The table was getting loaded with more drinks and Willie was busy ensuring that it was Heineken through out. He had high taste and it would be a pity if he ended up poor in life.

“Are you now going to marry her?” she asked.

“Marry who?” I asked without looking at her.

“The mother of your children,” she said avoiding calling her name. She hated Naza to an extent. An understandable thing.

“Why are you asking me that now?” I asked, stuffing my bottle into my mouth and winking at Bros’s girl.

“I want to know, girls who give birth before marriage have their market value cut in half.”

“What about girls who abort?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

Giggles passed around the boys and the girls sipped their drinks uneasily.

“Remember when you were eager to get pregnant for me?” I asked, trying to cover up the uneasiness that had enveloped our group.

“Remember what you promised me?” she asked.

“Yes, I said I will marry you.”

“Where you lying then?” she asked.

“Joking,” I muttered, sipping my bottle.

“What?” she asked in a snap.

“Lying and Joking, they are two different words with very different meanings.”

“I hate you,” she said and I smiled at her.

“I love you,” I grinned.

“I love you too baby,” she said and giggled. Bros got the table filled up with meat and we partied into the evening.

The next days that followed were followed by constant calls from Freda to my phone. She wanted to be my date for the period we were at home. I liked her, not like I did in the past but I thought she’d be handy once in a while. She loved me still and told me all she needed was my attention and nothing more. I was OK with the arrangement only that she called me each day like she needed more than my attention and it wasn’t cool with me.

“I thought you had this guy you were always flaunting in my face back then?” I asked her the day we talked on the phone.

“I left him. He wasn’t like you.”

“And how am I?” I asked, dipping the baby bottle into Chinaza’s mouth. I left her and the bottle and turned to my phone.

“Spoilt,” she said slowly and I bit my lips. Chinaza gurgled and s----d at her feeding bottle. I rubbed her belly.

“You want a spoilt guy?” I asked.

“Not exactly but the guy was too churchy. I think he confesses to the priest each time we make love.”

“Hahaha, how do you know that?”

“Stop asking me that question joor, are you coming over?” she asked.

“No, I am with my daughter here,” I replied.

“Where is that? I want to come over.”

“I am at Naza’s place. Talk to you later,” I said. We dropped the call and I turned to my daughter on the bed. She had spilled her bottled tea all over her face and was giving me one of those cute giggles that makes her look like her mother.

“Don’t you know how to feed a baby?” Chinaza called from the door, strapping Chinecherem to herself.

“I know how to feed a baby, we were just playing,” I replied and tickled the baby on the bed. She cackled. “See?”

Naza smiled weakly and walked up to us on the bed. She dropped the boy on me and turned to the baby girl.

“All those Nollywood movies you watch are so much wasted on you,” I muttered.

“How?” she asked turning to me with the baby in her hand.

“In a proper Nigerian film, you should give me a kiss when you walk into the room,” I replied. She stared at me for a while like she was deciding what to do with me. Then in a twist, she came closer and latched a kiss on my lips. The first in months. My eyes widened.

“Come again please, I wasn’t prepared for that one,” I said. She came again, this time longer and when we separated, Freda stood at the door, looking like she just got out of a beauty pageant.

“What?” Chinaza asked, the quarrel all over her face. I was overly dumbstruck. Freda was crazy, that I knew but I never knew she had nerves too. My heart beat at the speed of light as I thought of the crazy things she could say at that moment.

“Hello Naza. I just came to see the babies. Chinecherem told me about them,” she sang, still stuck to the doorway like she was waiting for an invitation to come in. I let out a fake smile as I scolded her with my eyes.

“Come in,” I said with a fake boldness. She walked slowly towards us. She was beautiful as she came and Naza hated having someone like her around me, especially when it was Freda.

“Meet them, Chinecherem and Chinaza,” I introduced, pointing from the boy to the girl.

“Can I carry them?” she asked, her eyes on Naza.

“Yes,” she replied slowly, shifting uncomfortably.

“They are beautiful and they look like a combination of the both of you,” She said as she rocked Chinaza to herself.

“Yes. They will grow up to be like their father,” I said proudly.

“God forbid!” the two ladies snapped and looked at each other with

a bold smile. The tension eased and a conversation came up. Freda loved to talk and soon roped Naza in. I was the butt of every joke that ever came on and I pondered why Freda would want to be all chatty with Chinaza. Someone she hated.

“I have to bathe this one,” Naza said after sometime, picking the baby girl from the bed.

“Can’t he do it?” Freda asked, referring to me.

“This one, he will soak her in the bath water and forget her there,” Naza said.

“You know that is not true,” I defended.

“Don’t worry, I know what you can do,” Freda said. Naza laughed her way out of the room. We watched her go. Her fine figure swinging to the tune of an imaginary music. She was perfect, Chinaza. I shouldn’t be running after any other girl but Freda was there and she obviously didn’t come to see the babies.

“So why are you here?” I asked, turning to her.

“I am missing you and I couldn’t wait for you to be through with the baby sitting.”

“And you had to come here?” She nodded, opening her eyes wider at me. They were sexy eyes but we were in Chinaza’s room and I shouldn’t be thinking about it.

“So do you want to put me in trouble?” I asked.

“What trouble?”

“Chinaza and me. Do you want her to catch us?”

“Yes. She will leave you and then I will have you to myself. Besides the both of you have really tried. You have been together for years now and you even have children. You guys should break up jare so other people will have a taste of you.”

I stared at her for long. She stole glances from me as she twisted the tip of her braid. I shook my head and bit my lips.

“If we were in my house right now, I would have sent you away,” I declared. She giggled and I smiled. My baby boy giggled too. She turned to him and picked him up.

“Fine boy, cute like his father,” She said and threw a look at me. I smiled and fell back on the bed.

“Look at me sweetheart. I am your stepmother,” she declared and my laughter drowned the room.

Time ran and the sun traveled far to the west. My phone rang and James’s number came up on the screen.

“Papa Ejima,” he hailed as I picked.

“Mad man howfar?” I asked.

“Fine nigga. You just forget us naa.”

“I no forget you guys. I am now a family man and my family comes first,” I said and we laughed.

“No yawa naa. But I get one gist that will make you run down to my lodge now now, family man aside.”

“Gist me naa.”

“I dy my lodge with Chinemelum now now and only us dy here like this,” he announced. My heart pounded.

“Your sister?” I asked.

“No, my mother,” he hissed and the line went dead.