Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E50

Story 2 years ago

Diary of a broke Naija playboy - S01 E50

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 50

I woke up before anyone else and threw the blanket over Chinaza, then she fell into a deeper realm of sleep. Just what I needed. I was broke and needed to pocket draining birthday party. I gropped around the bed in the darkness, searching for my phone. I managed not to trip over my pregnant better half and found my phone tucked beside her. I picked it and check the time. 6:45 am. I hurried into the bathroom and hurried a bath. I dressed up in few minutes and crawled out of the room without a sound. Once outside, I took in a deep breath and headed for the gate, just then…

“Hey, Chinecherem, happy birthday,” Angela, our petite but curvy lodge mate screamed from behind me. I turned and saw her in her night gown, clutching her tooth brush. The last time I threw a birthday party for myself in that lodge, everyone had the fun of their life and it was all booze and romance so I guess non of them could ever forget that my birthday is always on 19th June.

I hugged her and whispered a thank you.

“So how’s it gonna be?” she asked me, brushing her flowing boobs against me, for a moment my p---k almost hardened.

“I don’t know what you are talking about o, I am going for classes now o,” I said and she pulled away.

“That one is your business, don’t get me my own share of the cake and see what I will do to you,” she said and turned to go.

“Don’t worry baby, I would so much love you to do something to me,” I said, licking my lips and gauging her swinging backside that often makes me wonder how a tiny girl like her could manage to amass such massive backside.

“Naughty boy,” she laughed and ran inside her room. I smiled and turned to go, then my Mrs right interrupted me.

“Where are you going?” Chinaza asked drowsily, leaning against the door and yawning.

“I have an early morning lecture,” I said and gave her my seductive smile.

“And you had to sneak out eh?”

“No, I thought you would be tired and I wouldn’t like to bother you,” I said and she gave me that look your mother will often give you when you are deceiving yourself.

“Okay o, go and come back, you will meet me here,” she said and turned to go inside.

“Bae, no kissy huggy?” I asked and spread my hands.

“Kissy fire, go joor,” she replied and waved me off with her hand.

“Baby it’s my birthday o, don’t start a fight.”

She smiled and came at me, fully loaded with her boobs and the baby bump. She buried herself into me and I strapped her like a bra would strap a firm t-t.

“Happy birthday sweetheart,” she moaned and I kissed her forehead.

“Thanks baby.”

I ran out of the gate before the issue of a party would come up again.

I strolled into the department and sat under a shade. We had no classes and I knew about it. I would have spent the entire day with Chinaza if only she didn’t bring up the party thing. But I was going to make a useful use of a useless situation. I still had my ebony crush to tackle. I looked at my wrist watch and the time was 8:10. I opened my contact list and picked out Mma, pressed the dial keypad and put the phone to my ear. The next voice that came up was the Mtn girl’s. She was telling me that my account was too law to call Mma. I was furious. I knew I had close to 35 naira balance in that phone the last time I made a call. I was going to swear for Mtn when I remembered that Chinaza was with my phone all through the night. I checked my last called numbers and no new numbers were there. Then I checked my outbox and it was there, killer messages that nearly ran me mad.

“Hello sweetheart, I hope you remember my birthday is tomorrow, 19th June. Come to my lodge for the party. I would be mad if you missed it.

Yours sweet,

Chinecherem.”

That was the message and Chinaza had sent a copy each to 5 of the girls in my phone. The ones that were a little high on my food chain. Cynthia them. I decided that was it. I wasn’t going home that day.

I was busy mourning for landing myself a reckless girl such as Naza when the sun crept out of my cloud. She walked straight to me and stooped to drop a bomby hug on me, burning off my chest with her firm nipples.

“My love,” I gasped, staring into her eyes dreamily. Anyone would think I was 100% in love but I knew it was 40% love and 60% lust.

“How are you today?” she asked, sitting near me and dropping her hot hand on my laps.

“I am okay, just missing you,” I said and she flashed me a smile, s-----g in her dimples.

“You didn’t call me again,” she said and I remembered I was supposed to call her after I had taken her number. Chinaza had spoilt everything.

“Sorry dear, I was still planning to.”

Silence fell and I started thinking of how to relay my thoughts to her. We took occasional glances at each other and passed occasional smiles. Gosh, Mma is d--n cute. Not beautiful but cute. There is a difference between the two and I preferred the cuteness.

“Do you have any lecture now?” I asked and she nodded.

“As in now now?” I asked again and she nodded again.

“Then why are you here?” I asked thinking she was feeling my sauce so much she didn’t want to let go.

“Well, I don’t want you to follow me into the classroom like the last time,” she said and my heart broke.

“Why?”

“It’s hard to learn anything when you are around.”

“Oya go but come back here when you are done o.”

She stood up and rubbed my cheek.

“Today is my birthday,” I whispered to her and she stood rooted.

“Why didn’t you say early enough?” she asked after stripping me naked with her eyes.

“Wanted to surprise you and I need a present from you,” I said and she sat back down.

“What present would you like?” She asked.

“You,” I said.

“Why me?” she asked.

“Because I have been crushing on you for a long time and I am almost crushing you to death.”

“But I only got into this school last semester,” she said.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes and I haven’t even seen you until that first time you came to me.”

Well, I think I saw you in my dreams first and since then, I have been crushing.”

She smiled and covered her face.

“So please, gift yourself to me,” I said.

She kept looking at me and not saying a word.

“Are you shy?” I asked and she nodded.

“Then I will assume you wanted to say yes. I accept you,” I winked at her and she let out those little cute girly giggle. I assumed I was right.

“Let’s go to the library,” she said after a while.

“I thought you had class?”

“I have changed my mind, I am not going again.”

We moved and I was more than eager to wrap my arms around her and I just did that. So with her hands by her side and mine around her waist, we walked to the library.

We actually didn’t read. She was right, she could hardly focus when I am around. I was all over her. If the library had security, they sure would have driven us out. I did everything to her there except kiss and f--k her and something told me she was liking it. We left when we realized we weren’t ready to read. She dragged me willingly to her logde. She lived with two of her other friends but they weren’t around when we got there.

“I didn’t cook,” she said and threw her bag on her reading table.

“Don’t worry, I won’t eat anything that is not cake on my birthday,” I said and she gasped a thank God.

“Don’t thank him yet, you look like a birthday cake,” I said.

“So?” she asked.

“I want to eat you,” I said and sat on the bed. She giggled and tossed a teddy bear that was on the table at me.

“Come here,” I said and motioned at her with my head. She moved towards me sluggishly and I pulled her on the bed. She fell into my hands and I held at an angle that gave me the full rights to every kissable part of her body, her boobs inclusive but I went with the mouth. She obliged me and shut her eyes, our tongues colliding like Pharoah and Moses’s snakes. I loved the sound out lips made as they clicked. She pulled away after a while and smiled into my eyes.

“Is that enough cake?” She asked and I shook my head.

“I just licked off the icing. I need the whole cake,” I said, smiling suggestively.

“You are greedy,” she said and laughed hard.

“I am always greedy with the things I love,” I said.

“I love you too,” she said and just as we were about to Seal our lips again, her room mate bumped in, Eva tagging behind her.

“Haa, Chinecherem? You couldn’t even wait for me to marry and you have already dumped me,” Eva yelled and I thought “Which kind wahala be this naa?”. Her companion threw me a smile and I smiled back. Eva teased me nearly to tears and the ladies thought it was funny. Her teasing didn’t make Mma leave my arms tho. She was so soft and I wished we could spend the rest of the day like that. I thought she was the best birthday gift I have ever gotten and then I remembered that head Chinaza gave me a long time ago. Well, I decided she was my second best birthday gift.

“Ehe, Neche. I saw your invitation to your birthday party o. I’m gon be there to flex,” Eva yelled as I was about to leave.

“A birthday party?” Mma asked and her friend looked on, probably hoping for an invitation too.

“Didn’t you tell her?” shape asked. “You have to follow us there o, it’s your new boyfriend’s birthday afterall.”

Then I thought, has Chinaza not killed me already? I would have taken a rope into the bush if I wasn’t reminiscing about that kiss with Mma, I also remembered Chinecherem and my Chinemelum. I realized I had so much at stake to commit suicide. Chinaza would have to continue trying out other methods of killing me, I won’t leave all these sweet girls in a hurry unless God bribes me with a promise of more of them in heaven like the 72 virgins.

It was all a gang up! My birthday party was a f-----g gang up!!!!

“She want a niggar with them gold slugs, gold slugs.

I’m grilling and and I’m f-----g at the same time, grilling and f-----g at the same time……. ”

We were all singing along to the mega noise in my room. Chinaza’s voice rose clearly above all others, she was drunk and so was everybody else.

I had gotten home and saw my bed leaning against the wall. I was afraid I was being thrown out of my room until I remembered Naza was around and only a crazy girl like her could do that shit. I compiled all the anger I was nursing against those invitation text messages she had sent to those girls and added it to the anger I had on seeing my expensive high rise mattress outside and I was going into the house to set her on fire but ended up running into her awaiting arms. She sang me the happy birthday song with backup from all the babes in my lodge and went on to sing, “You are 22 years today,” bearing my ass to the world and in front of that final year chic I told I was clocking 26.

My room was like a party house, spacious and the smell of nice food was everywhere. I didn’t even know what to say neither did I get to say what I know. The girls bombarded me with hugs and pecks with Naza taking the lead. In my kitchen was a cooler of well cooked fried rice and there was a bit of Chicken! In it. There was a CAKE too. I turned to my baby and fell in love like Daniel fell into the lions then. I lifted her off the ground and swirled her around. D--n she was heavy. I then checked my phone in case of any bank withdrawal alerts and made sure my atm card was intact before I lifted her up again. She had done all that with her money. I sure knew then and there that I had a 200 yards of wife material.

I checked my fridge and it was filled to the brim with Heineken. I needed no sooth sayer to tell me that it was Willies handwork. I fell on the bed and stared at Naza like kids would stare at a super hero.

“Happy birthday baby!” Shape yelled and came at me with all her bombardments. She fell on me with kisses and hugs.

“Sweetheart, did you see what my baby had done?” I asked excitedly.

“Yes o, I told you you are a lucky guy,” shape replied.

Willie came back around 6 pm with another crate of Heineken and some of his guys. The music went on and my room became a swarm of party lovers. The food showed up first, hot and very tasty. Everyone asked for more. Then everyone got drunk and got tipsy. James started forming DJ with the remote. My home theater was a mad loud and the bass could melt the heart and harden the d--k. I took over the dance floor first and did a little of my own thing. Naza came next and rocked the balls out of me. Then everyone joined us. The party was lit for me, the thing I had almost avoided was turning to something different for me. I was loving the whole thing until Chinaza’s guests started arriving. I call them her guests because she invited them. Cynthia came in first around 8 pm. Then Eva came in, dragging in Mma and her room mate. Shape was coordinating the guests amidst constant distractions from a drunk Willie.

Eva came straight for me and hugged the gush out of me. I felt her body in 3d while Naza kept watching from a far end. She was somehow the centre of attraction as everyone imagined at her bulky stomach and what she was doing at a party like that. A chitty chatty shape kept telling them she was the celebrant wife.

James was busy rocking with every girl around to my envy. I couldn’t join him in that since I had my baby around with her eyes hovering over me like an anointing. Mma kept smiling at me from afar. I had given her a secret kiss the moment she came in and excused myself.

“James abeg, hook up with that girl for me, distract her attention from me,” I told him and he nodded eagerly.

“James, don’t take it serious, she is my new girl and I love her.”

“I don hear guy. Nothing go happen,” he said and left to meet up with her. I was willing to play that game with Chinaza. I ran to Willie and made him hook his guys up with every single girl Chinaza had invited with my phone. That was how I won or I thought I did. Chinaza always has her way of outsmarting me.

The music was killed and everywhere went quiet. The next item on the list. Cutting the cake. I was surrounded by everyone, knife in hand and cake on the table.

“Make a wish dear,” shape said and I closed my eyes and made my wish. I wished God would make Naza less troublesome and blew off the candle. I was going to cut the cake but Shape stopped me.

“You will cut the cake with your soulmate,” she declared and Chinaza stepped forward. She stood beside me with her bulging stomach as I dropped my face to the floor. I felt like I had been put up before a firing squad.

“See, I wish you two a happy union, love, affection, a bouncing baby boy…. ”

“I want a girl,” I murmured.

“and may this beautiful union end up in a sweet marriage in the future,” Shape yelled and a thunderous clap followed.

“Kiss the bride please,” James yelled. I eyed him and he winked at me, dropping his hand on Mma’s shoulder. I bit my lips and felt a heart attack. James my friend had sold me over a girl.

“It’s a birthday party not a wedding party,” I protested and shape shot me daggers with her eyes. I plucked up Naza’s lips and we both shut our eyes as everyone clapped. They had won, her and shape. Every girl I had ever wanted will now know that I am not single, that I have a very beautiful and cute girlfriend who is pregnant for me too. I needed a rope, I thought.

“You see why you guys need a good girl in your life,” shape yelled. “if it was a party organized by a guy alone, you will all drink and kill yaselfs. But this one, she even cooked food. Fried rice and Chicken!”. Everyone yelled and clapped.

I drunk the hell out of myself after that saga.

“Take more,” Naza kept urging me with more bottles of drink. “It’s your birthday after all.”

I suspected she was celebrating her victory as well. She had tactically warned off all my girls and she didn’t even have to argue about it. All she had to do was set up a party. I loved her ingenuity.

It was all party, booze and Romance as we danced and twerked with guys knocking themselves the hell off. My birthday was lit, it was set on fire and thanks to my baby mama. I owe her the world.

“Do you hate me?” she asked while we were outside.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I invited your girlfriends without your permission?”

“I can’t hate you, you are my everything,” I declared, dancing the drunk man’s dance.

“I am sorry for inviting them, I just wanted them to know the real you, that you will soon be a father and I want you to be a responsible one.”

I watched her in the star lit darkness. She was so beautiful and I loved her again and again and again. You can keep repeating that again. I hugged her.

“I love you baby,” I said and staggered a little. She slapped me a little hard.

“You didn’t even deny that they were your girlfriends,” she said and it struck me. Chinaza!

She was a kind of sweet poison but I loved her for that. My only problem with her was that she cooked up all my rice for the party.