Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 45
It was worth it, I reminded myself for the millionth time. All of this to be with Christian was worth it. I suddenly frowned, knowing I didn’t wholeheartedly believe what I thinking.
A part of me hated what Stephen brought up, but with the chance of returning home I couldn’t help but spend my days thinking about everything. I loved Christian – there was no doubt about that. But like Stephen asked, was it worth it? Being here alone was the cost, and I wasn’t a hundred percent sure if it was worth it.
I sighed and ran my fingers through my long hair. Now that school had ended, I was lonelier. Without a car, I couldn’t see my friends. I couldn’t see anyone really, which left me all alone at home. I’d often debate on whether boredom or loneliness would kill me first.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I huffed tiredly and got up from the couch I was sprawled on. Hoping it wasn’t Stephen looking for an answer, I made my way to the door and opened it.
To my shock, it was Christian. My jaw dropped and my heart froze, completely surprised that he was here. Here when my heart was so conflicted. I wasn’t sure if I should’ve been happy or horrified by his sudden appearance.
“Autumn.” He stepped into the motel room and hugged me, snuggling his face into my hair.
The door shut as he pushed me back, still holding onto me, towards the couch. My heart was now racing as I hugged him back, realizing how much I missed him. I knew I loved him at that.
We landed on the couch as he fell forward. Smiling from on top of me, he kissed me and I kissed him back immediately. Grabbing onto his shirt to bring him closer to me, I kissed him as if I had deprived of him – which I had been.
Christian smiled against my lips and I knew I didn’t want to lose this. As he grabbed my hips, I knew he was all I needed. But the question was still in my mind. Was it worth it? Was just him and nobody else worth it? Suddenly, I pulled back as questions formed in my mind.
“How did you come here?” I asked. “I thought my mom would be watching you like a hawk.”
“I have my ways.” Christian winked, grinning. “We have all of today to ourselves.”
Christian began leaning forward again, but I put my hand on his chest to stop him. There were important questions I had to ask him. To know if it was worth it, I had to see his views too.
“Can we talk?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said, frowning in confusion.
Christian sat up and I moved away from him, so that I was now sitting next to him. Clasping my hands together, I found my heart racing with nerves. I really wanted the answer to Stephen’s question to be yes, but there was really no way to tell.
“Why do you think we fell for each other?” I suddenly asked, looking at his blue eyes.
He frowned. “Why are you asking?”
I looked down, knowing I couldn’t tell him about Stephen’s visit. Christian would be mad, I was sure. And even if he had every right to be mad, I was looking for answers to questions that would make everything make sense. Not just for Stephen’s question, but for the fact that life had changed solely because we loved each other.
“Don’t you ever wonder?” I replied, looking back at him. “We could have fell for anyone, but we fell for each other. Knowing it would be difficult to be together, we still chose each other.”
Curiosity shone in Christian’s eyes. I was glad to see it because I was also curious. Falling for him had been one of the most beautiful and horrible things in my life. There were so many fish in the sea, but I still chose this destructive path that made me so happy. I didn’t understand why.
“That’s a good question.” Christian suddenly smiled as his eyes wandered around the room. “But I guess because we can relate to each other.”
“How so?” I asked, curious.
“Well, we both only have one parent left,” he replied. “Both of our lives were changed drastically. We can understand each other’s pain, and pain can bring people together in the strangest way.”
I frowned. I never thought about it, but that was true. Christian and I could relate in many ways, and now that I thought about it, that was how we originally bonded in a sense. But the thing was, I didn’t understand how that made us fall for each other. Friends, yes. But lovers, not really.
“But why would we fall for each other because we can relate to each other?” I asked, frowning. “I bet there’s a lot of people like us. There has to be a reason.”
“I don’t know, we’re messed up people.” He suddenly broke out into a smile. “You know, I used to wonder if I was so messed up that I fell for my sister.”
My eyes widened as I felt like I got slapped. Staring at him, I had this horrifying realization that he also thought our relationship was disgusting. That he was so mentally disturbed that he had fallen for his sister. It hurt. Hurt so much that I transformed that feeling into anger as I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Excuse me?” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“That was a while back.” His smile fell, seeing my reaction. “It was before I realized you weren’t my sister.”
I didn’t care if it had been a while back. The fact that he thought his feelings for me was some sort of mental illness hurt. I once thought we would be disturbing because of incest, but never have I thought my feelings for him were sick. Wrong, maybe. But I didn’t think I was corrupted enough to fall for my brother.
“Wow.” I laughed bitterly. “You thought you were so messed up that you fell for your sister. I’m glad to see that, that’s why you fell for me.”
“Autumn… What I said was meant to be a joke,” Christian said cautiously, seeing my anger. “The past is the past.”
“But it matters!” I exclaimed. “I can’t believe you. You fell for me because we were both in pain. You thought you were so corrupted that you liked me. Do you understand how wrong that sounds?”
Christian’s eyes widened and I didn’t care if we were fighting after so long. My heart hurt and I was angry. Angry at the harsh truth I wish he never brought up. I loved him, but his reasons for us falling for each other were horrible.
“I didn’t fall for you because we can relate through pain,” Christian said defensively. “Sure, it helped us connect, but I don’t like you for that. Gosh Autumn. Why are you overreacting?”
My jaw dropped at his accusation. My life had fallen apart because of him, which gave me every right to freak out over this. It was his fault I was living here. All his fault I was all alone.
“I’m not!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up into the air. “After everything I’ve been through, I just can’t believe your feelings are based on such stupid things. It makes me feel like our relationship isn’t worth it.”
I froze as the truth came out. The very answer I didn’t want had fallen out of my mouth. My eyes widened, and so did Christian’s. Both of us seemed to know that this was not a good sign.
“You don’t think our relationship is worth it?” Christian asked slowly, still in shock.
“No… I mean… I don’t know.” I sighed tiredly. “Christian, what’s wrong with us?”
“I don’t know.” Christian also sighed. “I’d love to say nothing, but clearly it isn’t.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” I laughed bitterly. “Maybe we’re both so messed up that we fell for each other even though we’re siblings.”
“Maybe you should leave,” I quickly said, looking away from him.
“It’s for the best.” I hugged myself, suddenly feeling both exhausted and emotional. “I want to be alone.”
To a bit of my shock, Christian stood up. I heard him walk away and my heart thumped painfully as he walked away from me. Yes, I wanted this. But I never thought he would have given up so easily.