Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 38
I sat up on my bed and stared at my surroundings. My room had definitely gotten messier, just like my life. Surprising, since I thought my life would get better as time passed.
But, my life was so much more of a mess than when I met Christian, which was strange. He made me so happy, but gave me all these problems. A lot of people would question if he was worth it, but I knew he was. The only thing I was a hundred percent sure of was that.
But the thing with knowing that was, I knew I couldn’t be completely selfish. I could be selfish enough to still want him, but not selfish enough to go after him. Just because I couldn’t bare the idea of him getting shunned. I had that much of a heart.
Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. My heart froze, knowing it was the one person I wasn’t ready to see yet. The one person I needed to keep my distance from, for his sake.
Getting up, I opened the door to Christian. He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t even giving me his usual affectionate stare. In fact, he almost looked angry.
“Autumn,” he said, sounding exasperated. “What happened?”
“You were there,” I muttered, looking down from his piercing blue eyes.
“F--k that. I’m talking about earlier. Even now. Why won’t you look at me? What did I do?”
“Nothing.” I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “I just… Can’t.”
“Oh no, don’t go messing up the only good thing in our lives,” he snapped. “Don’t.”
My eyes flew to his at that, surprised to see him mad for the first time. With his jaw clenched and his eyebrows furrowed, he actually looked mad. I was stunned.
“What are you talking about?” I simply asked, losing my sad mood.
“How do you feel about me?” he asked, ignoring my question. “Tell me the truth.”
My eyes widened at his demand. This Christian I didn’t know. He was mad, demanding, and surprisingly hotter than usual. If we weren’t in our current dilemma, I might’ve kissed him.
“Don’t you dare say you feel nothing,” Christian said.
I looked down and knew that this was it. This was my time to cut off our entire bond that involved possible incest. As my heart ached, I knew that I had to deny my feelings. I had to tell him I felt nothing, so the both of us would move on. Even though my heart was sinking at the thought, I knew this was for the best.
“Christian,” I said gently as I looked back up at him. “I-”
“Don’t lie to me.” He stepped towards me, eyes hardening. “I always respected you for your honesty. Always thought that made you beautiful, even though you can be cruel. Don’t become ugly.”
I should’ve been touched in a way, but his last words stunned me. Rage filled me at how demanding he was. Of how ignorant he was because he assumed I could just tell him how I really felt and we would live happily ever after. He was such an idiot sometimes.
With my anger boiling through my veins, I narrowed my eyes at him. He didn’t react as I clenched my hands into fists, which angered me even more. I was ready to blow.
“You know what you idiot! I like you! You know I do, so what’s the point of asking!” I snapped. “It’s for your own satisfaction, but guess what. Things are just going to get worst from here on out. We’re both going to be unhappy, even though we having mutual feelings!”
He frowned. “And why is that?”
“Because of that stupid word! Incest!” I exclaimed. “I like you. I like you so much, but that doesn’t matter to others. They’ll all just look at us and think siblings, how disgusting. Don’t say that it won’t happen because just look at Sam and my mom. They thought that. Trust me when I say we will be shunned.”
“Autumn.” Christian’s eyes softened. “Since when did you care about what others thoughts?”
A part of me deflated, seeing that Christian wasn’t mad anymore. I was so tired. Just so tired of everything that I was willing to just give up on this argument. I wouldn’t agree with him, but I wouldn’t force the truth onto him.
“Since they had the ability to ruin our lives,” I replied tiredly. “Your life. I don’t want you getting ruined.”
“Autumn, listen to me now. You don’t need to think abut me. Not like that because I don’t care about others,” Christian said, sounding confident. “We finally have this sort of happiness that bloomed with our feelings. This happiness that we lacked, and you really want to throw that away?”
“We’ll be miserable with everyone else shunning us and-”
“F--k everyone else!” he exclaimed. “As far as I know, I never needed anyone. No one has really been there for me until you. You, Autumn. Our feelings are not disgusting. Me wanting to be with you is not because I’m mentally ill, it’s because I think you’re incredible. I like the way you laugh. I like how you pretend not to care, even when you’re such a caring person. I like how you get angry at me because you’re honest when you are, and I never need to worry about pleasing you because you make sure I do. I never felt this way about anybody, so I sure as hell won’t give up on you.”
My eyes teared up as his words hit me hard. I liked him. So very much, I liked this beautiful boy. But incest. Everyone else. I didn’t know what to do about them, even though I really wanted him.
“Our parents,” I said quietly, not knowing what else to say. “They would never accept us.”
“Autumn.” He grabbed my hand gently, placing it on his beating heart. “If they really loved us, they would.”
“I don’t know,” I said helplessly. “Christian, how do you know everything will be okay?”
“I don’t, but we’ll figure it out.” He smiled sadly. “One last question.”
I nodded, unable to speak as his words wrestled in my mind.
“Does this feel wrong?”
He squeezed my hand that he held on top of his heart. His heart was beating fast, but it was comforting. Him in general, was comforting. And even with everything else, he was right. He made me happy unlike anyone else in my life. Christian did not feel wrong.
“No,” I whispered, staring into his blue eyes. “It doesn’t.”
“And are we really going to worry about others?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, because you’re right. At our single chance at happiness, I’m not going to give up on you. For others, never.”
He leaned in and kiss me at that. I quickly kissed back, wrapping my arms around his neck. This didn’t feel wrong. It didn’t feel disgusting. In fact, it felt like the exact opposite of that.
As I kissed him, I realized he was right. F--k everyone. Anyone who wouldn’t allow us to be happy, screw them. Christian and I had this opportunity to finally have something after everything we had lost in life, and it would be so stupid to lose it just because of others judgements.
Pulling away from him, I smiled and said, “Why are you so smart?”
He laughed. “I’ll tell you my secret when you tell me how you’re so incredible.”
I laughed and shook my head, kissing him again. This didn’t feel wrong and I was happy. Those two things made me realize that this was okay. This was something that was fine because after everything I’d been through, I needed some sort of happiness of my own. F--k anyone who would ruin that happiness.
“Stargazing.” I laughed lightly. “How romantic.”
“Hey,” Christian said, sitting down next to me on the cool grass. “I hear you judging me.”
I grinned as I sat down next to him. It was night time and no one was around the park. A part of me knew Christian had planned that, knowing I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of anyone knowing we were dating yet. My respect for him grew at the thought.
“I know nothing about stars,” I admitted, lying down on the grass.
“Neither do I,” he replied. “But we’re going to use our imagination.”
“And what are we going to do with our imagination?”
Christian laid down next to me and grinned. Pointing to an area of bright stars in the night sky, he chuckled.
“That looks like a whale,” he said, tracing the stars with his index finger.
I squinted my eyes at the sky, trying to see what he saw. With my eyes trying to form a whale, I eventually huffed when I couldn’t form the image. I glared at him.
“Are you sure you see a whale?” I asked.
“Do you have an imagination?” he shot back.
My jaw dropped and he laughed as I rolled over to my side, facing away from him. Christian was such a jerk sometimes. I loved it.
“Autumn, I’m sorry,” he said, but the amusement in his tone was clear.
I snorted. But soon, I felt an arm on my waist, pulling me towards him. I was then right next to him, and I turned so that I was facing the sky again. Somehow, my head was now placed on his arm and I was smiling.
“Someone is happy,” he commented as I stared up at the starry sky.
“Shut up.” I grinned. “You’re acting like you’re not happy either.”
I glanced at him and saw that he was grinning. My eyes softened as he turned his face to look at me with those eyes that ensured me that he really did care about me.
“I’m sorry for the crappy first date,” Christian suddenly said, sounding apologetic.
“How is it crappy?” I replied, frowning. “As long as I’m with you, it’s perfect.”
“Whoa.” His eyes widened. “Since when did you get so mushy.”
I rolled my eyes and looked back at the sky. It was beautiful. Black and covered with bright stars, I was fascinated by it. Christian had chosen right when coming here for the scene.
“What do you want to do?” Christian asked after a few minutes of silence. “We have this whole park to ourselves, you know.”
“I know.” I bit my lip nervously. “But I want to talk.”
“You.” I looked at him. “I have a lot of questions.”
“Ask away.” He smiled. “I’m an open book for you.”
I smiled, but my gut was twisting nervously. First dates were supposed to be fun. Full of excitement and new experiences. What I would ask would bring us into serious territory. I didn’t know if he would be okay with that.
“Autumn,” Christian said, seeing my dilemma. “Ask anything.”
Before I could think it through, I asked, “Is it true that you used to act out?”
His smile fell, but he didn’t look angry at the question. Not even sad. More regretful, I would say.
“Yeah,” he said. “I did.”
“Cause of your mom?” My eyes softened. “Did she make you act out?”
He sighed lightly and looked up at the sky. I wondered if I was prodding into his life, but I also felt like I should know about his past. To heal his wounds, I had to understand before I could help him. This was something I wanted to do since my day with Stephen.
“Yeah,” he replied, still staring at the sky. “I know I told you she was always distant with us, but it still hurt when she left. When she cheated, it stung. I guess it’s because she’s my mom and you can’t help but love your mom no matter what. Just like your limbs, your mom is needed too.”
That hit me hard, but not just because I felt sorry for him. No, I also felt sorry for myself as I thought about my own mom. She hated me. She wanted nothing more to do with me. Yet, I still loved her. I cared about her, even when we hadn’t spoken for months. I wasn’t sure whether to hate her or myself for that.
“Autumn,” Christian said, looking at me again. “Can I tell you something?”
“What?” I asked quietly, my heart pounding painfully.
“I kind of hate your mom,” he admitted. “I hate the way she treats you. She’s your mom, yet she treats you like trash. It’s horrible.”
“Yeah, she’s a b---h.” I smiled sadly.
“But, she’s your mom.” Christian smiled just as sadly. “And just like me, you can’t help but love her.”
I closed my eyes at that. My eyes were watery and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. Especially on our date. It was weird that we were talking about such dark things now of all days.
“Autumn,” Christian said gently, making me open my eyes. “Let’s go back to the topic of me. Of how I used to act out.”
“Yeah.” I forced a smile. “How did someone like
“Well, I got into a lot of fist fights.” Christian smiled. “Partied, did drugs, drank… Basically all of the bad boy cliches. I was that guy.”
I couldn’t help but smile, even though it was hard to imagine Christian like that. The Christian I knew would never do drugs. He would never get into fist fights. It was strange how someone could change so drastically.
“Why did you change?” I asked.
“I saw how stressed out my dad was.” Christian looked away from me and ran his fingers through his hair. “He was so worried about me and I felt bad, knowing how much he’d been through as well. My dad’s a good guy and I knew he didn’t deserve to go through more shit.”
My eyes softened at that. “He is a good guy. You made the right choice.”
“Yeah.” Christian smiled sadly. “You know, I doubt he would have met your mom if I hadn’t changed. And that would mean we would never have met.”
I never thought about that, and suddenly I was glad our parents were married. If they hadn’t been, we would never have met. Never have had what we had now. Even though our parents being married was a problem, I was suddenly thankful.
“Yeah.” I grinned. “It’s a good thing they met.”
“Do you ever miss your dad?” Christian suddenly asked, sounding as gentle as ever.
My heart froze at the mention of my dad. I loved him. I didn’t think anyone knew this, but he had meant the world to me. The answer was obvious due to that.
“Yeah, I don’t go a day without missing him,” I admitted. “He was my best friend. My everything. It’s so unfair that he had to die. Cancer… I hate it.”
“You didn’t deserve that and neither did he,” Christian replied gently. “Why is this world so cruel?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Why are we talking about such depressing things on our first date?”
“I don’t know.” The corner of his mouth turned up. “But I like this. It’s nice to let everything out here and there.”
“Can I ask you one last question?” I suddenly asked.
“Are you okay?” My eyes softened. “You can be honest. I like you no matter what.”
I needed to know this much. To ensure Christian was happy, I needed to know this. With everything we talked about, I felt relieved in a strange way. If he answered this, I hoped he would feel the same way.
“Yeah, I think so,” Christian replied. “What about you?”
I smiled sadly. “For the most part, yes.”
Christian suddenly turned his entire body to face me. With his eyes looking affectionate, he smiled at me. I smiled back, and decided to turn to face him as well. My head remained on his arm, but we were now only a few inches away from each other.
“Hopefully we can be sure of how okay we are soon,” he suddenly said, closing his eyes.
“Hopefully.” I smiled as I stared at his peaceful face. “I know it can happen if we stick together.
I wasn’t a very hopeful person, but I suddenly felt hope now. I didn’t know if it was the night sky or the company, but I had hope. Hope that everything would be alright and we would have a happily ever after. I tried not to think about others or my parents, but now I knew that I didn’t care about them. As for now, this was all that mattered.