Oh Brother - S01 E37

2 years ago

Oh Brother - S01 E37

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 37

Continues..

I never wanted to hurt Christian. That was the last thing I ever wanted to do, which left me torn. He had told me he liked me, but there was no way I could admit I liked him back. No way after Sam’s comment. If innocent Sam thought we would be disgusting, everyone else would. They would definitely not accept it either, which would end terribly for the both of us.

Christian had a good rep at school. Guys respected him and girls loved him. He was such a good guy too, so I didn’t want everything he had being ruined. A horrible, selfish person like me was not worth that much. But sadly, I was still selfish enough to want him. To want to be with him, too.

Shaking my head, I decided that I had to forget about him. That was my last choice after everything. Obviously I wouldn’t push him away because that never worked. Instead I would just keep my distance, making sure we acted like siblings and nothing more. That way, my heart would realize that we were siblings and stop craving him.

I got up from my bed and walked downstairs, internally groaning as I remembered that my mom wanted us to eat lunch together. The one time I really wanted to be alone, she wanted us all together. God seemed to be punishing me at this point.

Once downstairs, I saw that my family was seated at the table. They had already set up our lunch of lasagna and salad, and seemed to be waiting for me. If this had been any other day, I would have been touched.

Without looking at any of my family members, I went over to the only empty seat – beside Christian. As I sat down, I felt his eyes on me. I found my heart pounding at that – to my disappointment.

Everyone dug into the lasagna once I was settled. Stephen and my mom talked feverishly about the lovely weather we’d been having, and Christian and I remained silent. My eyes stayed glued to the lasagna, but I had a bad feeling he was staring at me. Analyzing me, even. I hoped he didn’t notice I was trying to get over him.

“Autumn,” I heard him mutter under his breath after a few minutes.

I nodded, not bothering to look at him. My heart stung because I knew that in the end of the day, we would both end up hurt. While everyone else and their judgmental selves would be happy, we would suffer because of the fact that our parents were married.

Suddenly, I felt a hand touch my hand beneath the table. I jumped from the warm touch, almost screaming because I assumed it was a bug. But as the hand slid up my arm gently, I realized it was Christian. My cheeks heated up.

I tried to move away discreetly, knowing I would lose it – as usual – from his touch. But as I moved away, his hand flew back to my hand and he intertwined our fingers together, pulling me back to him. I gasped and glanced at my parents who were too busy talking to notice what was going on. Thank god.

Knowing I needed to tell Christian to stop, I looked at him and scowled. He grinned innocently, and I rolled my eyes.

“What are you doing?” I hissed as he began to trace circles on my hand that remained beneath the table.

“What are you talking about?” he replied innocently.

I glared at him as he grinned, but my heart was pounding. My body felt like it was on fire as he continued to touch me. His touch was always so gentle. Always so sincere, just like him. And maybe that was why I loved it when he touched me. Even if it was as simple as this, it made me unexplainably happy.

With my heart pounding, I decided to ignore my decision of pushing him away and squeezed his hand. I intertwined our fingers together and smiled at him, hoping he understood how thankful I was for him. Maybe we couldn’t be what we wanted, but I was still thankful.

As I smiled at him, he smiled back and began to lean forward. All I could hear was my pounding heart as he slowly moved closer to me. With his pink lips right there, I had an urge to grab his shirt and kiss him just like last time. With no restraints. No regrets.

“What are you guys doing?”

The both of us moved away quickly. My face turned red as I looked at my mom who was scowling at us. She had asked the question. With disgust evident in her tone, she had caught us in the moment.

“W-what?” I stammered out, both horrified and embarrassed.

My mom finding out about us was the last thing I wanted. I hadn’t given much thought about her opinion on our feelings, but now I knew that if we got together she could never know. She would never accept us, because she hated me.

“What in the world were you two doing?” she asked again, still scowling as her eyes narrowed. “That was… A disturbing scene.”

My face felt hot as I glanced at Stephen, not wanting to look at my mom. He looked confused, but calculating at the same time. The answer wouldn’t be a pleasant one to him, I could see from his emotionless eyes. I chose to look down.

“We were doing nothing,” Christian said casually.

“Well nothing looked like incest,” my mom replied. “So stop with that. We don’t want people thinking we’re mentally ill.”

Without thinking, I stood up suddenly. I felt like something was stabbing my heart, and I had to leave. I had to get away from everyone and everything that found my feelings disgusting. It was becoming too much.

“I’m not hungry,” I muttered, still looking down.

Before anyone could say anything, I turned around and ran upstairs to my room. My heart was pounding, but painfully as I slammed the door shut. Jumping onto my bed, I grabbed my pillow and placed it over my mouth. I then screamed into it, hoping that this hell would be over soon. It was becoming unbearable to know that the one thing you wanted would make you seem like you had a psychological illness.

*****

I knew my parents were out, which allowed me to calm down as I sat up on my bed. Even though I expected my mom to say something like that, it still hurt. It hurt because that was how the world would view us. As two siblings with an illness that made them fall for each other. We were a taboo everyone would shun. She had confirmed that.

I sat up on my bed and stared at my surroundings. My room had definitely gotten messier, just like my life. Surprising, since I thought my life would get better as time passed.

But, my life was so much more of a mess than when I met Christian, which was strange. He made me so happy, but gave me all these problems. A lot of people would question if he was worth it, but I knew he was. The only thing I was a hundred percent sure of was that.

But the thing with knowing that was, I knew I couldn’t be completely selfish. I could be selfish enough to still want him, but not selfish enough to go after him. Just because I couldn’t bare the idea of him getting shunned. I had that much of a heart.