Oh Brother - S01 E31

Story 2 years ago

Oh Brother - S01 E31

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 31

Continues..

It wasn’t hard to remove most of my feelings for Christian from my heart. It was painful whenever I saw Christian and spoke to him as if one piece of news hadn’t destroyed something I wanted, but it wasn’t hard. Probably because the thought of incest disturbed me.

For as long as I could remember, incest was this taboo. It was the one thing no one could accept, even people who were all about peace. It was just too disgusting to people, and that was why I erased any feelings I had for Christian. There was just no way I could be the disgusting person no one would want to speak to.

I sighed as I picked up a french fry from my lunch tray and stared at it. I wasn’t hungry. I hadn’t been in a while. My life was just too f----d up that even eating was something I wanted to avoid.

“Autumn, what’s wrong?” Dee asked, sounding concerned.

I looked up at her as I dropped my fry onto my tray. A part of me was caught off guard since we hadn’t really cared for each other’s lives in a while, but then I remembered that she was my best friend. My best friend of them all, too. She would never hold a grudge if I were in pain. That was why I felt bad for lying to her.

“No,” I lied. “Just not hungry.”

Dee frowned. “Autumn, you look anxious. There’s no need to lie to me, I’m not mad.”

“Me too,” Cheryl said. “I’m not mad at you. Hurt, yes. But mad, never.”

My heart softened up at that. Even with the horrible things I said, Cheryl didn’t hate me. She wasn’t even mad, which was surprising. But even with that, I couldn’t help but feel a slight resentment towards her. Even when she had been right, I hated how she pushed me. But, I really did need to apologize anyways. It was for the best.

“I’m sorry,” I said, glad for the change of topic. “I was an a-----e to you, Cheryl.”

She smiled, her white teeth shining. “Don’t worry.”

“Thanks.” I smiled, but it felt forced.

“So,” Dee suddenly said. “Did you find out if you liked Christian?”

At that, I sighed. My heart flipped, but painfully as if it would fall halfway through the flip to my stomach and burn in the hydrochloric acid. I cringed at my graphic vision of that.

“No,” I lied again, ignoring the guilt I felt. “I can’t.”

The second part was the truth, but I still felt more words burning at my throat to speak. Words I needed to say out loud, to finalize the truth that these feelings I had were related to incest. Only then I felt like I would have closure.

“It would be incest if I did like him,” I continued. “That’s… Disgusting.”

The both of them blinked, giving me blank looks. My cheeks heated up as I looked down, regretting bringing up the topic.

“Weren’t you the one who told me that it wouldn’t be incest since you’re not related by blood?” Dee asked.

I looked up to see Dee smiling. I frowned, knowing this wasn’t the time to joke. Right now, I needed serious facts.

“Yeah, but that was when I hated him. Now that we’re close, we’re like actual siblings,” I lied. “Siblings don’t fall for each other.”

Cheryl snorted at that. “Do you really consider him your brother? Your actual brother?”

I nodded, feeling my stomach twist at the lie. In my heart, I badly wanted him to be anything but my brother. Anything, that would make me feel less disgusted with myself.

“That’s a lie,” Dee jumped in, frowning. “You don’t think about him in that way… And please never. I would be disturbed then.”

“Why?” I asked, frowning as well.

“Because you guys don’t act like siblings.” She sighed. “Well, you guys look at each other like you want each other. And I don’t mean that you guys want each other as family.”

I scowled at that, my heart aching. From what I knew, we didn’t look at each other that way. Especially when I only started liking him recently, I knew our intentions had been pure at one point. If I tried hard enough, I knew I could allow us to be just siblings. Even though I didn’t want that, I knew that it was the only way to not be disgusting to others.

“We don’t,” I said flatly. “But anyways, enough with this topic. Christian and I will never like each other. Honestly, I rather be siblings with him.”

The last sentence was strangely true. With my current aching heart, I was suddenly done with my leftover feelings for him. Done with all of these complications. With everything else in my life, I couldn’t bare to struggle with these taboo feelings I had for Christian. I couldn’t afford to. Knowing that, I had a bit of closure.

“I’m going to answer the question I think you wanted to ask,” Cheryl suddenly said, bringing our attentions to her. “You guys aren’t related by blood. In no way are you guys related. Falling for each other isn’t incest. Like I said, your babies won’t turn out demented.”

At that, I scowled. Even though I knew my friend was being honest. Using her brilliant brain, she was giving me her most logical response. But by now, I had given up on the thought of Christian. After what Nate said, the thought of anything near incest made me nauseous.

“Okay,” I simply said, picking up a fry again. “Good to know that useless prove of information.”

“Autumn,” Dee said cautiously.

I suddenly sighed, knowing this topic would never die down until I admitted one thing to them. The very thing I had realized.

“Guys, falling for Christian would just be a hassle,” I said. “With everything in my life, do you really think falling for him, my stepbrother , would be for the best?”

“No, but he makes you happy.” Dee frowned.

“He does, as my stepbrother.” I sighed. “End of discussion.”

Neither of them brought up the topic after that. I was pretty sure they knew I would blow up if they did, which made me thankful for once that I had slight anger issues. Because right now, I wanted to forget about Christian. I wanted to forget about the very thought of him in any other way than as my stepbrother.

.

No one spoke about Christian’s birthday, but it had been on my mind for while. It had been helpful even, because as I focused on that I was able to fulfill my sister position in his life. The very position I was supposed to have, much to my dismay.

It didn’t surprise me when a few days ago, a friend of his called me and said that a party for Christian would be held at my house. I had no idea how he pulled it off, but he convinced my mom to allow them to hold a surprise party for Christian at our very home. Well, I had an idea that my mom wanted to be anywhere but home lately. With her tired eyes and lack of enthusiasm, she seemed thankful that Stephen and her could go somewhere for the entire day and night away from the house.

So with that news, I invited my friends. It wasn’t going to be a small birthday party. I knew about half of Christian’s grade would be at the party, and their friends. If the house didn’t get wrecked after today, I would be surprised.

So here we were at the party, smiling as Christian looked utterly surprised by the fact that there was a party. With his blue eyes looking ready to pop out of their sockets and dropped jaw, I was glad to see that he was caught off guard. The smile that sprung to his face next made me even happier.

Watching him mingle with his friends who created the whole party, I found myself smiling with a heavy heart. As everyone got ready to party, I watched his eyes brighten up. He was happy, but I wasn’t. As much as the thought of incest disturbed me, the sad part of me wished the very word would disintegrate.

*****

I laughed as I watched Christian’s friends try to do backflips. A lot of them were failing as they nearly smashed their faces into the ground, which was amusing. The party had been great so far, and I hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol.

“Autumn!” Dee shouted over the loud music that was oddly soothing to me. “Where’s Christian?”

“I don’t know!” I shouted back, ignoring the question.

It was better for me to have Christian out of my sight. I wasn’t avoiding him or anything, we acted normal around each other, but I preferred to not be around him. Especially now, knowing he was probably with some girl. Just like the last time I saw him with a girl, he was probably ready to kiss her.

I shook my head at the thought and focused on his friends almost breaking their noses. Sometimes I felt angry. Purely, genuinely angry. Not even at Nate who had delivered the horrible news to me, but at myself. Even when I pretended I felt nothing for him, I knew I was hurting myself.

“I’m worried about him!” Dee shouted suddenly.

I shrugged at that, not knowing what she wanted me to do. He was older than me. More mature too. The one thing I knew for sure about Christian was that he could take care of himself.

“You know he was drunk,” Dee continued on, frowning. “And he’s nowhere in sight.”

That caught my attention. Caught me off guard, too.

“Christian’s drunk?” I asked slowly.

Saying it out loud was strange. It wouldn’t settle with me because this was Christian. Him being near alcohol was shocking enough, but drinking it was a blow. For some reason, I suddenly felt uneasy.

“Yes.” Dee frowned.

I didn’t wait to make a plan with Dee. Getting up from the couch I sat on, I rushed out of the living room and into the kitchen. No one other than drunk jocks were in there, so I turned around and ran upstairs. My heart was pounding at this point.

Upstairs was quieter. There weren’t many people around – thankfully – and the doors to our bedrooms were closed. Frowning, I made my way to his bedroom.

As I grabbed the doorknob, I found myself feeling unpleasantly nervous. If he were in here, I knew he wouldn’t be alone. And just like last time, I would feel like someone had punched me in the stomach. I didn’t know if I could face that feeling again.

But then, I remembered that I couldn’t be selfish. Especially when it came to him. So taking a deep breath in, I opened the door and frowned. His room was empty.

I quickly shut the door and frowned. By now I felt a bit panicked as I looked around, seeing that he was nowhere in sight. The door to my parents room was opened, but a bunch of people were in it talking. I hoped for Stephen’s sake they wouldn’t do anything other than that as I marched to my own room.

I didn’t expect him to be here. I didn’t know why he would be as I opened the door quickly. But to my shock, he was there. Sitting on the edge of my bed, he was there hanging his head low.

I relaxed at the sight of him, but my heart continued to pound against my chest. He looked upset. On his birthday, for the first time in a while he didn’t look happy. I frowned as I closed the door behind me, knowing I needed to talk to him.

When the door clicked shut, Christian’s head flew up. He looked dazed as his eyes wandered around my room, not really focusing on anything. So when his eyes met mine, I was surprised to see them lock on mine. They lost their confusion and sadness, and looked more affectionate.

“Autumn,” he said slowly, as if he wasn’t sure.

I frowned, knowing Dee was right. Christian was drunk. Even with him in front of me, I was caught off guard. He didn’t seem like the type to get drunk. He didn’t seem like the type of guy who was now in front of me.

“Yeah,” I said gently. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He tilted his head slightly, still in a daze. “Do you care?”

I frowned. My heart even stopped a little because Christian and I never talked like this to each other. We would never ask each other personal questions like that. But knowing he was drunk and probably wouldn’t remember this, I decided to let my defences fall.

“Of course,” I replied, sitting on the ground in front of my bed tiredly. “Isn’t it obvious by now?”

He smiled at that and my heart softened up. Christian was just so gorgeous, even when he looked like a mess with his hair sticking out wildly and his clothes wrinkled. I was proud of that, even though he wasn’t mine and could never be.

“Sometimes.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “But you’re a confusing person.”

“I know I am. Sorry.”

“So, did you get me a present?” he asked suddenly, changing the topic.

“Duh.” I couldn’t help but smile as he broke out into a grin.

“Can you bring it here?”

I groaned. “It’s in your room. Open it later.”

He shook his head vigorously. “I want to open it now. Here, when we’re alone.”

I frowned at that, but got up. It was his birthday and I wasn’t in the mood to argue with a drunk Christian. He was already so different that I wondered if he would be able to get angry for once. I smiled as I left the room, knowing an angry Christian was near impossible.

Dodging past teenagers in the hallway, I quickly made my way to his room. Finding the blue gift bag I bought, I grabbed it and ran back to my own room. Closing the door, I held the bag towards him.

“Here,” I said, suddenly feeling nervous about whether he’d like my gift or not.

“Sit beside me,” he responded, patting the spot next to him. “I want you next to me when I open your gift.”

He grinned at me as I walked towards him. With my nerves slightly wracked up, I sat beside him and looked into his blue eyes as I handed him the gift. The only time his eyes looked focus was when they were on mine, and that was comforting.