Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 12
Two weeks has passed since we had spoken. Maybe ever since we looked at each other, and I didn’t know how to feel about it. This was what I wanted, what I had asked for even, but I couldn’t help but think about Christian. Wonder about the boy who lived in my house. It was almost frustrating how everywhere I went he would be there, yet we had no interaction.
“Autumn,” Dee said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Why do you keep zoning out?”
I sighed. “I don’t know… I’m tried.”
That was kind of true. I was tired. Tired of thinking about Christian, that was. I finally had what I wanted. Us pretending the other doesn’t exist, yet I was still bothered by his existence. Stupid, perfect boy.
“Christian’s bothering you?” Dee suddenly asked.
I suddenly froze as my eyes widened. Somehow she had guessed right, and I was now horrified. No one should know that I actually thought about Christian.
“No,” I quickly replied, narrowing my eyes at her. “We don’t talk anymore and I don’t care.”
Her eyes widened. “You guys don’t talk? What happened?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged. “He realized I hate him and gave up on befriending me. That’s all.”
I nodded, feeling pride at the lack of feelings I felt as I said that. He had given up on me and I was fine with that. Being alone with my issues was what I told him I wanted, and he had given me that. Honestly, that showed me that he was nowhere near a bad guy.
“But, you don’t hate him,” Dee stated, frowning as she grabbed for a juice box across our lunch table.
“What makes you say that?” I snapped, suddenly feeling defensive.
“Because, your eyes don’t look cold at the mention of him anymore.”
At that, my heart froze because she had spoken the truth. I didn’t know about my eyes, but every other part of me had slowly lost its hate for Christian. Still, I wouldn’t say I liked him, but a part of me was willing to get to know him. To finally discover what it was like to have a sibling. That part of me disgusted me, but I had faced the truth. I truly didn’t hate Christian anymore.
I suddenly sighed. “Can we not talk about Christian. I told you I’m tired.”
“Tired of pretending you hate him?”
My head whipped to my left as Cheryl joined our table. Her eyes had their calculating gleam to them and I groaned as I realized this topic wasn’t going to drop anytime soon. In fact, it seemed like I was about to have an intervention about Christian.
“I don’t like him,” I stated, raising my eyebrows as Cheryl scoffed.
“But you don’t hate him,” she shot back.
Suddenly I felt my frustrations rise up within me. Everything I had been holding back was ready to erupt, causing me glower at Cheryl. They didn’t get it, they would never leave me alone because they saw things differently than I did. Both of them needed to understand.
“Fine!” I exclaimed. “I don’t hate Christian. I don’t hate that stupid, frustrating boy who I can’t stop thinking about. But guess what, we aren’t talking. We don’t even look at each other and even though it’s my fault, I can’t help but feel annoyed by the situation.”
As a weight lifted off of my shoulders, I watched Dee and Cheryl’s eyes widen. Both of them seemed equally as shocked because I never bursted like that before. I rarely talked about my feelings either. Christian was turning me into a psychotic person, I realized, who would end up with no friends.
“You think about him?” Dee suddenly asked quietly.
I scowled at the question, but I felt slightly embarrassed. “That sounds weird. I wonder about him, I guess. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Why don’t you guys talk?” Cheryl then asked.
Once again, I sighed. “We hung out one day and I guess I realized he’s not a horrible person.” I scowled as Dee broke out into a grin. “But I told him that things are complicated and that I would rather focus on myself then the stranger in the house.”
Cheryl frowned. “Why did you say that?”
“I have no idea.”
Honestly, I didn’t know why I told him that. I didn’t even know why I kept pushing him away. With my mom hating me, Christian seemed to be my only option when it came to having a family member who cared. Yet, I kept pushing him away.
“Autumn, things are really complicated,” Dee said, smiling sadly.
“They are,” I agreed.
“And you’ll figure things out along the way,” Cheryl added. “By first talking to Christian.”
“Never!” I blurted out instantly. “Not over my dead body.”
Both of their eyebrows raised as they stared at me, causing me to blush. I had to admit I had a huge pride that I would never let anyone touch. Especially, Christian.
“Then continue on waiting for him,” Cheryl said, shrugging casually. “Wonder about him for the rest of your life.”
I gulped at that, realizing that was actually the only other option. But being me, I had to go with that option. There was no way I’d talk to him first. It was just who I was and I wouldn’t change for anyone. Especially not for golden boy.
It was time to go home. To go to my bus stop, I had to walk past this empty hallway that never had any traces of humanity in it. It was weird, but people seemed to avoid that hallway like the plague. Until today, that was.
To my shock and horror, today that hallway had a single boy in it. A boy who was at his locker, packing his bag. This boy was Christian.
I looked down at the ground as I walked nearer to him, shocked that he was here. I never knew where his locker was, but here was the last place I expected. The last place I wanted, since I passed there everyday. Internally, I groaned.
Still looking at the ground, I took a deep breath in as I walked past him. For some reason, I found myself feeling nervous, so I tried to think about anything to forget about him. But then I thought about the conversation I had with Dee and Cheryl at lunch.
Cheryl was right. As long as we didn’t talk, I would wonder about him. Feel nervous about him, just like right now. Was it really worth it? Should I let my pride fall for a second? Those were the questions running through my mind at that moment.
“Autumn,” the low voice I knew well called, exterminating those questions from my mind.
I stopped in my place and slowly turned around, feeling my nerves rack up. Christian was walking up to me casually, as if everything was fine between us, and I had no idea how to act. At this point being a b---h didn’t seem like it would cut it.
“Hey,” he said when he reached me. “Are you heading home?”
I nodded, finding myself looking at his black converse because his eyes seemed brighter than usual. He seemed happy, which was the exact opposite of how I felt the past two weeks. The thought stung.
“Do you want me to drive you home from now on?” he asked. “We do live in the same house and I have a car now. It would be for the best.”
I looked back up at him and stared at his hopeful face. This was what I wanted, for him to talk to me, but it was so random. Out of the blue because he was acting like nothing had happened between us. In fact, he was acting like how we first met. Too polite and kind of annoying in his hopeful ways of pleasing me.
Despite those things though, I said, “Sure. But let’s start tomorrow. I want to bus home today.”
He looked confused, but he said, “Okay. I’ll see you later.”
I nodded awkwardly and ran off, feeling like a typical girl. I had only asked for tomorrow because I needed to ‘prepare’, and I barely spoke during the entire time due to my nerves. He could probably tell I wasn’t acting like myself, and I wondered if he would assume that he was the reason why. Even though it was the truth, my pride would take a huge hit at that. Christian couldn’t know I was like this over him. Not yet, for sure.