Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 172
Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.
I just look the man tear one big laughter clutching my stomach, I laughed and laughed till the man face tightened like someone that smelt something awful.
Mr. Sam: why are you laughing like a mad man? what is funny.
Me: I heard that my wife’s father is Boss Mustapha he look at me sharply the General that calls the shot in Cabal, I hear say em deg drink human being blood.
I could see the sudden fear that took over his facial expression, he stood there motionless.
He gave me a hard look and stormed off, my phone rang and it was one of the chairmen calling.
I picked it up and he started complaining that he can’t get enough land because his local government was hugely occupied by water body, I asked him what his people do for a living and he told me they are mainly fishermen.
I told him I will call he later, I ended the call and used my phone to learn about possible things that could develop the LGA.
Most of the villages are surrounded by water body, the villages are hardly accessible due to lack of speed boats and ships to transport goods to these villages, insecurity is a problem too because of sea pirates.
Tourism will bring huge money from this islands if it is turned to resorts.
I called the chairman to come over and some experts in the said field, we discussed on how to provide modern fishing equipments and what to preserve those fishes for commercial sales, turning those petty fishermen to commercial fisher men.
He was delighted with the ideas and told me he will work with it, I made orders for speed boats and small ships to facilitate goods and services and human movements.
The moments those speed boats and ships are released into those seas, commercial activities took another dimension.
The chairman called and thanked me and even told me about how the people are responding overwhelmingly towards turning those islands to resorts.
I told him I would like to visit one of those resorts during fish festival, he told me they don’t do it and he said such yearly activities could attract more people to the resorts on those islands.
Weekend was always a refreshing day to spend it at home, I sat and watched how Profit moved from staircase down to the kitchen to get some fruits.
I imagined her flat stomach and now her big stomach, I didn’t know when I started chuckling.
Profit: don’t tell me you are laughing at me?
Me: no, I wasn’t laughing. I was thinking what I am capable of doing.
She blushed and sat down with me and started cutting the fruits to small sizes, I used the fork and picked some up and chewed.
I fed her and she ate su-cking my finger, bad gal no wonder she asked me to use my hand.
Profit: can you massage my legs.
Me: why not?
I lifted one of her legs and put it on my laps, I started massaging it while she relaxed.
The two girls came down from staircase Baby leading the way with a paper and a pencil.
Baby: look mommy.
I saw the paper she has drawn a woman with big stomach, but that thing doesn’t look like my wife.
Me: who is that?
Baby: I draw mommy and my soon to be given birth little brother.
Me: that isn’t my wife, that drawing looks ugly.
Profit pinched me, I no gree because my wife no resemble wetin she draw na.
Profit: don’t mind your, daddy. He is jealous that you refuse to draw him.
Johannah: but mommy her drawing isn’t beautiful.
Profit: even your sister is jealous that you refused to draw her, me and your unborn brother look so beautiful.
Baby: thank you, mommy. Daddy don’t be jealous I will draw you and big sis, okay.
She went up while Johannah left the house for her music class, I wonder why her mother is interested in registering the girl in music class and dancing sef, abi their two wan compete who go model pass.
Profit: my back hurts massage it too.
Me: these one every place on your body is paining you, don’t you think you should see the doctor?
Profit: you are my doctor.
She smiled and I realized that all she wanted was me to be massaging her upadan, Baby came down from the staircase.
Baby: daddy look.
She showed me a drawing of a sketchy old man and walking stick.
Me: who is that?
Baby: is you daddy when you grow old, is he not handsome mommy?
Me: God forbid!
Profit: smiling my love is always handsome she peck me
Me: Baby come here, I will flog you.
Baby: no, daddy.
She ran up laughing and I shook my head, I didn’t allow Profit to engage on what will make her tired hardly let her go to work alone.
I didn’t let her take care of the kids for school, I always support her for everything and she complained about it that am over petting her and making her lazy.
I didn’t know some people have already started hitting drum of war until I heard rumours that I have borrowed trillion to actualize the agro revolution that made the state food basket of the country.
I didn’t take it serious until when I started getting threats from Abuja to stop further agro-revolution in the state.
I didn’t even understand how all these nonsense came about until when I was sent a letter that am not releasing taxes to the federal government, I was asked to come to Abuja.
I told my wife about it and she asked if those money gotten from those agricultural sales were sent to the state purse, I told her no that the various LGAs used them to pay salaries and developed on their own.
I went to Abuja with my entourage and met with chief of staff of the president and some senators who asked me why was I not remitting the money that my states made from those agricultural products to the federal government treasury house for proper sharing.
I looked at the men with me and saw their fat stomachs and fat cheeks, no be only proper sharing.
I told them isn’t in my place to do that, that the local government areas were the sole owners and benefactors of those investments.
They weren’t deterred and still insist I send all the money from taxes to the federal government, I still wonder what they meant by taxes because I have been sending them taxes.
They threatened that if I don’t comply that they will stop sending me Monthly allocation, I just go my state wait for them to try that rubbish and I will make sure all the companies shut down.
Mr. Sam visited my office again this time around with Mr. Belema, the idiot that I refused to make chairman.
Mr. Sam: you will leave this position and go back to being nursing mother.
Their two started laughing, I just knew they are cooking plans to impeach me.
Mr Belema: my governor, you stingy oh! why you no allow me be chairman na?
I used my phone and started taping their voices.
Mr. Sam: only am wan chop all the money, from oyel money to green grass money very stingy small boy.
Mr. Belema: if na me be you, I go change oh! Abuja people nodey use money joke oh.
Mr. Sam: no advice am, make him dey here dey sit on top all the billions in the state.
I no even send them sef because I was thinking on starting ministry of works that can actually fix bridges, fly overs and world class roads not ministry of works that will only award country to Julius Borrow or wetin be the company name sef?
When they are done mocking me they left my office and I started filing their cases, I added it with the tapes I got from Abuja.
I called the assembly speakers and told him to fix a meeting with all the honourable members, you don’t wait for war you give them war.