Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 165
Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.
I didn’t know I was that loved so much that people have already gathered at my gate without me passing words across.
Voices: born governor!
Joshua: see celebrity show.
Harry-p: naso them go take celebrate me when I blow with my people in the village song.
I had to come down from the car and talked to my people before driving in, people were welcomed in and I immediately ordered for food for all, I talked with the chairman, honourable members who came to pay homage.
I didn’t know I was that famous that a whole senator came to visit me, after meeting with ward chairmen and poll agents I left for my room.
I picked up my phone to discover that Profit had already called me twice, by now she will be boiling like hot water. I dialed her number and she picked the call refusing to talk.
Me: hello, my sugar, my tomato, my maggi, my onion, my salt.
Profit’s voice: I don’t want to talk to you.
Me: I laugh but you are already talking to me na, am sorry.
Profit’s voice: how was it with your village girlfriend?
Profit again I know what she is planning to do, to make me feel guilty and grant her request.
Me: I didn’t see her in the village.
Profit’s voice: hope you are joking because… Am not in the mood for a joke.
Me: she is in the city accusing me of cheating, I was very busy attending to meetings am sorry.
Profit’s voice: yen yen yen yen, must you call me a cooking rice and village girlfriend to appease me? You are not romantic at all.
Me: I know that is why I have a romantic wife after all, can I talk to my kids?
Profit’s voice: why?
Me: don’t tell me you are now a coupist, why are you preventing me from talking to my children?
Profit’s voice: I am not giving anyone my phone come and beat me.
I laughed very hard knowing she wanted to piss me off very well to revenge for me not picking her calls, I had to plead with her before she gave the phone to Johannah first then she gave to Baby, sharp mouth.
Baby’s voice: daddy, is that you?
Me: this pikin no go kill me oh! is your one and only daddy, speaking from my paradise in the village.
Baby’s voice: really daddy? our teacher taught us that mosquitoes live in a paradise and can bite, I don’t want my daddy to have malaria.
Me: I need to change my pikin from that yeye school give your mommy the phone, I want to talk to her.
Baby’s voice: have it mommy, daddy want to talk to you.
Profit asked their nanny to take them to their room and then we continued our discussion.
Profit’s voice: have you eaten my love?
Me: I thought you said am no longer your love.
Profit’s voice: laughing I am sorry I didn’t mean it, you know I love you more than myself.
Me: get a very sharp knife from the kitchen.
Profit’s voice: why?
Me: I want to test your love na.
Profit’s voice: laughing Vic, you should have been a comedian not a politician.
We kept on talking that my ears were getting affected as I pressed the screen of my phone on my ear, I kept it on the bed and placed the phone on loud speaker and we continued.
I drifted to sleep while speaking with her on the call, I woke next morning to hear her voice from the phone and I was shocked this lady didn’t end the call.
I talked with her before meeting the visitors that came that morning, they were all in good mood.
I gave some cash and also funded for more food for all, I took my bath and then visited the INEC officers to see if they were well taken care of, the person I placed them in charge didn’t disappoint with what I saw. Some of them didn’t recognize me and I didn’t bother about their validation.
I drove with my security aides down to the INEC office and talked with some of them, I also allowed money to do some of the talking sha..
I voted when everything was under control with media team that testified about the credibility and the situation of the voting process, they didn’t report about votes buying that was going on massively.
I left without saying a word when I was asked about the chance of my victory, I drove to the coalition center in my L.G.A and met with D.P.O before leaving, I handed everything to Harry-P to take care while I headed straight to the monitoring room.
When I got to the monitoring room I was told we were leading, I was shocked when we are also leading in Mr. Belema Local Government Area where I had no chance of victory at all.
I quickly dialed Mr. Belema’s number but he refused to pick, I decided to ask of the tech guy on update in the L.G.A of Mr. Belema and he confirmed my fear, Mr. Belema actually carried on with what he said.
I was about dialing his number again when call came in from Ugochukwu, I picked the call quickly.
Ugochukwu’s voice: breathing heavily o.. Boy.
Me: this one you dey stammer and breathe like woman wey dey labour wetin happen?
Ugichukwu’s voice: as I dey talk to you like this, I dey inside soakaway dey hide. Them nodey vote for here na war film them dey act.
Me: you call me as John Wick or Chief of army staff, I wan understand?