Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 118
Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers
As we were coming behind the cars I was busy looking for where to to buy food from, and the kind of speed the cars were moving isn’t possible to even get a hawker that will risk his or her life to sell something.
The road was free as if they knew the governor is coming, the road was cleared for us.
We were all moving very fast and I was just yawning upadan, everything was looking like rice and fried meat to me.
Ugochukwu: oboy open mouth small small, no swallow me.
Me: if em dey possible, I for don swallow you tay tay.
The local government we entered doesn’t have road and recently the governor have deployed constructors to visit the road due to campaign, em wan come deceive them again.
The dust flying upadan no be here, I really thanked God when we find our way into a better tarred road.
We got into the centre of the local government and located the field the rally is been held.
We parked our car behind the podium made for the governor to address the people, the crowd were just waiting for their two thousand naira for coming and some just wanted to see the governor live, no be love.
We all came down and the security men took their positions, some statesmen were with the governor laughing with him while I stood feeling dizzy and hungry.
I can’t fast and I can’t hide the fact, am dying slowly.
I scanned my eyes around the field and sighted hawkers moving around with pure water, and two ice cream men.
The army men were preventing them from coming close, when I wanted to move away from the entourage and get myself meatpie and etcetera etcetera to quench the fire lit by hunger, pressmen appeared from nowhere and started capturing the moment.
The governor motioned me to come close, no be my mind to go ’cause wetin my eyes see na em dey move me.
Na only the meatpie and ice-cream I dey see.
I stood by his side while his wife walked along his right arm, Ugochukwu was my right-handed man as we troop to the podium with able statesmen behind us.
Voice from speaker: Governor Ekpemaetor dey come oohh! Governor Ekpemaetor dey come ehnn! I no go no gree, commot for road oohh!
We climbed the podium with extinguish people of the State, the MC took notice of our presence.
MC: Ladies and Gentle men, we welcome our extinguish and noble Governor, with our First Lady and his Deputy on stage. Lets give them a round of applause.
I wasn’t interested in whatever he was saying, everybody standing on the open field was looking like food to me.
Some were sitting under the canopies.
MC: the face of Assembly is here with us, the youngest and agile candidate of NPP Honourable talk and do!!
I waved at my people, many of them were happy to see me but what I saw on their faces was smile that denote make ona do quick quick share the 2k.
I was tired of standing and most of what they were saying were not making any sense to me, the Mic was giving to the Governor to speak.
Governor: my people, make ona no sell ona vote oohh! some people wey no mean well for ona on that election day go come bribe ona, say make ona vote for them, no gree oohh! I get plenty things to do for ona, first I don order contractors make them fix ona road, if ona vote for me that road and better better things go happen to this Local Government.
The people started clapping their hands and jeering him to speak on, lots of empty promises were made.
MC: Come and see, come and see, come and see what Governor Ekpemaetor has done, come and see what Governor Ekpemaetor has done.
The First Lady was given a chance to address the people, I just dey yawn for that place codedly ’cause the camera no wan leave the podium.
After she was done, the MC took the Mic and started performing one mumu song that has no solution to my predicament.
The Deputy was given a chance to speak.
Dep. Gov: which party you go vote for?
Dep. Gov: oh yes, my people. Vote for N-P-P. Na the party wey go make ona life better for this state, employment and infrastructure go wake ona up every morning.
The Deputy lie pass the Governor sef, I just dey look them as they took Mic one after the other.
I come dey wonder if we go close at all, Ugochukwu was just smiling.
Moving to and fro on the podium repeating N-P-P, he didn’t stop doing it.
Dancing back and front, I just set one leg for am and he fell on the podium people started laughing.
One of the men with us on the podium took the Mic and returned it to him.
MC: I suppose lie down call the name of the party.
Med oohh! Because of money.
We sang the national anthem and closed, wetin we start for morning now is now 4pm.
I was the first to climbed down from the podium and headed to the car, if no be say those army men no gree make the hawkers come near us I for don buy one or two.
Ugochukwu joined me and we waited for the Governor to release some funds before they entered their cars, and we all find the route out of the Local Government.
We were on our way when my phone rang, I checked the caller it was Profit.
Profit’s voice: hey, can you come home right away?
Me: you cook?
Profit’s voice: stop joking na when you no see me, you go know if I dey serious or not
Me: am serious, hope say you cook am very hungry.
Profit’s voice: I prepared a delicious meal.
Immediately I hung up, I asked Ugochukwu to leave the entourage and head straight to Profit’s residence abeg, make hungry no kill man pikin.
Ugochukwu: you no go see the Governor again?
Me: the world dey end today? I go see am na, tomorrow we go still go another rally.
Ugochukwu: I go follow you enter inside.
Me: you no need to, you never invite Governor come your wedding wey you wan do next week.
Ugochukwu: na true, I go drop you then follow them
Good boy, he drove to Profit’s residence and parked at the gate.
The gate opened on its own and I walked in, the house just simple with exquisite taste.
Johannah ran out of the house screaming her Daddy.
I fit check myself if I fit carry that huge pikin.
I hugged her tight and refusing to lift her up.
Johannah: daddy, carry me to where?
Me: daddy, no get strength oohh!
She held my hand and swung it while we walked into the lighthouse, I was wondering were Profit is.
She didn’t show up at all, we entered the house.
Profit was sitting in the dinning chair giving me that her killer smile, that girl is very fine.
We both joined her on the dinning table, I nofit wait for prayer when I pounced on the food.
The girl dish small fried rice and plenty facilitator, I come dey wonder why plenty turkey, meats, chicken and small rice.
I no send, I finish that one still collect more, Johannah was giggling.
Johannah: daddy, do you love the meal?
Me: food don full my mouth umhh..
She started loading my plate with enough food, Profit doesn’t talk much is a trait I came to realize with time spending with her.
No wonder she nodey make friends, always quiet.
She finish eating and left us, while Johannah took it as a duty to over-feed me.
Before I realized it, I don carry four Months belle.
Me: I nodey eat again, stop oohh!
Johannah: really, daddy.
I got up from the chair and my new size of stomach amused the little kid.
Johannah: your stomach is so big, daddy.
Me: I like it, am pregnant for your mommy.
Johannah: Daddy, can a man be pregnant?
Me: yes na, but we nofit born.
I find my way to the sitting room and sat down, Johannah didn’t even allow me to rest.
That girl can ask intelligent question like FBI, daddy where have you been? Daddy that, daddy this.
I no know when I even slept off, Profit woke me up and asked me to go to the bedroom and sleep.
I woke up dizzily and left the sitting-room, I took my bath and then got ready to sleep.
I was about switching off my phone when the door opened and Johannah came in.
Johannah: daddy, sing me a lullaby before you sleep.
Me: Motor car, motor car, motor car.
Johannah: am not in Nursery daddy.
Wetin be this girl own again.
Me: oh juju Calabar catch you, Oh juju Calabar catch you.
Johannah: what are you singing?
Me: Africa lullaby.