Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 105
Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.
I repeat the thing shocked me oh..! I quickly re-dialed the number and placed the phone on my ear to understand wetin dey happen. The phone rang but the receiver no gree pick.
Ugochukwu: wetin happen this one you frown face like goat wey don see slaughter?
Me: somebody just call me with Veronica number.
Ugochukwu: her husband?
Ugochukwu: her fiance?
Ugochukwu: her boyfriend?
Ugochukwu: it must be sugar daddy.
Me: you no get sense.
Ugochukwu: so na who?
Me: her father or something like that.
Ugochukwu: so her father na something like that?
Me: free me, my try the number again.
I dialed the number and this time the person has switched it off, Ugochukwu and I agreed to call the line later.
We no get choice than to trek to my yard all thanks to Anderson.
That boy with four square head with bandaged brain, I pity em future wife because I can see her spirit crying beside him.
Bright jumped out from a bush along, just before we could turned to the dirt road that led to my yard.
Ugochukwu: see the way my mind fly, wetin dey pursue you?
Bright: oga Honourable smiling nothing.
Me: wetin you mean by nothing?
Ugochukwu: and the guy talk like a sinner.
Bright: raise his hands up I no do anything oh, na shit I go shit oh!
Me: naso police dey take arrest people.
We left him and walked to the yard on our way I glanced at the yard that Steven lived, it was quiet again as everybody have dispatched to their various rooms.
If no be say I get where I suppose go and it was getting late, I for find out wetin later happen to my guy as a good citizen of Amebo Republic.
We got to the yard and met Anderson well positioned in the driver’s seat waiting for us, he brought out his head to signal to us that they are ready.
Ishi and Tony came out of the yard, my mind tell me something. Make em no be say this guy invite these two mad people make them follow us, mba! it shall not happen jare..!!
Tony: is that not Honourable talk and do, I fit give you connection and contractors to fix road for you.
Ishi: Honourable, how far na? you never settle me oh.
Both of them were standing at the pavement talking to me, Ugochukwu don already enter inside the car em say na him go drive.
Me: I dey in a hurry, when I come back we go settle everything.
I quickly got inside the car and I forgot to check who and who came with Anderson to my Village, I wish I did.
Me: wetin you say Alicia do?
He ignited the car’s engine and drove smoothly dodging road trap as much as he could, the thing dey everywhere anyway na just waste of time to avoid the road wife.
Ugochukwu: the babe dey ask me if I get pikin, how I go feel?
Me: I start laughing hahahaha.
Ugochukwu: why you dey laugh?
Me: I dey imagine you as person father, but the imagination no work out.
Ugochukwu: a whole responsible man like me, I go be the best father in the world. But no be that one dey bother me, na why she ask me that question?
Me: wait… No tell me say you..?
Ugochukwu: just small, na with co-ndom sef.
Me: but we agree say make you avoid that maid with big yansh.
Ugochukwu: that is the problem! The big yansh is everywhere.
Me: even for your bathroom?
Ugochukwu: you too dey mumu, na serious matter we dey discuss.
Me: and her yansh is everywhere na serious talk be that?
Ugochukwu: wetin I mean be say, I nofit avoid the bright future she get for back, bro. I tried but em no work out.
Me: but we don flush everything na, which one be pikin again?
Ugochukwu: maybe, she think say the thing still dey for her body.
Me: na your problem sha..
We talked on the happening especially about Okoye, Ugochukwu told me that my LGA people are calling for Okoye’s head as everyone is using any possible platform to ask for justice. I no know how Ugochukwu take do am, he really paid the right people to do the trick if nobe money and hunger wetin dey motivate local man again?
I gave him direction and we drove into my father’s house in the village, the place is well kept and I guessed my aunt who is a widow with two sons have been doing a wonderful work.
One was older than me, I no know whether em still dey pursue em music career. Wetin dey on ground na census on who and who Anderson carry come my Village.
They pulled over with us, I stepped down and watched.
The front door opened and Rufus stepped down holding Ghana Must Go, Ugochukwu saw it and started laughing.
Ugochukwu: Oga Rufu, Ghana have gone tay-tay na, why you carry them come my brother from another mama village?
Me: I still dey wonder, when we go go tomorrow.
Rufus: ona no go understand tru tru, we no understand until Rufus made us to
The car’s back-door opened and Papa Jayjay stepped down, he looked around.
Papa Jayjay: exquisite abode to my own amplification.
Me: you don’t mean it.
Teacher came out with Old Soldier, so Anderson brought the pack of wahala to my village. I stared at Anderson giving him that face that meant “you no try at all”.
Voice: brother! brother!!
My cousin ran and leapt like antelope enter my body, I staggered backward before I could hold on to him. The boy wan really fall me for ground, sas em wan tall pass em uncle improper fraction. Small pikin of yesterday, why all these children of nowadays wan become adult quick quick sef?
Ugochukwu: who be this?
My cousin turned sharply and introduced himself, as if somebody send am.
My cousin: my name is Josh, and am his brother.
I grabbed his head and knocked it.
Me: tell am your real name.
My cousin: but Uncle Josh na my name na.
Me: shut up! I knock him again wetin happen to the Hua your papa add?
My cousin: aaahh! mo-an in pain I dey sorry, my name na Joshua.
Me: good boy, no introduce yourself again as Josh again. Na so em dey take start, for Secondary school you go remove some letters from your name when you enter University you go come call yourself tiger or scorpion then start to dey behave like tiger for campus.
Ugochukwu: who dey give you all these theories, Victor sef?
Me: I be experienced man, Joshua where your mother and uncle Harry P dey?
Joshua: them dey backyard.
Teachers: in the 80s younger ones don’t welcome visitors by standing outside, I wonder what kind of morals nowadays teachers inculcate in their students, I weep for my Nation.
Me: Joshua, abeg.. Carry my friends go inside.
I rushed to the backyard Ugochukwu matching my pace.
Harry P’s voice: singing people in the village! always talk about farm, they gat no place to work and get money.
Ugochukwu giggled amusingly, na only this track my brother get? since I was young. Anytime them mention make we go farm this song don enter repeat for em mouth till we reach farm.
A voice called out behind us.
Voice: Bi-tor? I cringe inwardly
This remix of my name tire me oh!!