Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 40
Me: I look around the room and sigh heavily wetin be today date?
Ugochukwu: you sure say you no jam trailer of madness for your dream, go baf… Today na your screening.
Me: oh! I start scratching my head guy, em get one dream wey I dream for this night.
Ugochukwu: na the dream make you shout like mad woman fly commot from bed?
Me: I nod the person ask me if I be honourable, I deny am because of say em hold gun.
Ugochukwu started laughing, I wonder wetin make the talk funny.
I got up from the floor and stretched, I wasn’t myself during the morning preparation to head to the screening exercise.
I was feeling off that morning, after we are done Ugochukwu and I headed to INEC office, if I was contesting for Governor, House of Representative, or Senate. I would have gone to Abuja for the screening.
I slipped my files over to the man in the pigeon-hole, he started flipping my papers.
Voice: na your paper at all be this?
Me: check am well.
Voice: show me your face.
I bent and peeped through the hole, he cleared his throat.
Voice: this your NYSC certificate date nodey correct.
I brought out ten thousand naira from my pocket and dropped on the counter, his hand quickly appeared on the counter and took the money.
Voice: you are cleared! Honourable oh!
He issued me screening eligibility form and returned my certificate, my head lit with fear. Naso trailer of confidence jam me, I come dey waka for air.
Ugochukwu: you be tight politician, sas you silence that man.
Me: you never see anything watch my next move.
I called Fatty and mama Genesis for them to arrange buffet, I sent an address of the hall we used the other time when Stella called me. She promised me that I can carry out political meetings there anytime I want.
Ugochukwu and I headed to the bank and withdrawed four million naira, money speaks louder than any sound.
The manager helped us to make the massive withdrawal after tipping him, I started texting those excos and women leaders to come over to the hall for another meeting, we arrived at the compound of the hall and Ugochukwu parked very close to the hall and we came down.
Immediately I entered the hall.
Voices: honourable! capacity!! na you go go.
I looked up at the podium and saw buffets arrange, no wonder… Food na their inspiration.
I gave thumbs up to Fatty and mama Genesis, I go pay them sharp sharp. Those women dey deliver, I climbed the podium and started inspecting what they did, it was wowable.
Me: if food nodey belle, talk no go sweet… Make ona serve ona self, eat as you want.
They were about thirty, my uncle no come. I go make them regret why them no come today, I signaled Fatty and Mama Genesis to follow me.
Ugochukwu had loaded the money properly inside a safe room.
Me: ona try well well…
Fatty: na because of you I do am for credit oh.
Me: I know na.
Mama Genesis: I fit get my money, I wan go house. My husband don start to call me.
Me: my bring the money.
I took money from the safe room and gave to them, while Ugochuwkwu and I busied ourselves arranging the money into buddles of one hundred thousand naira.
After we are done, we carried the ghana must go to the hall.
Come see food box everywhere, some even have all types of bags parking food. People parents wan kill themselves on top food, I nofit laugh.
Some even fall on top food like say food no godey again, see wahala… one man was chewing chicken like say no chicken godey again. Immediately they saw me, they started hailing me.
Voices: our honourable! man wey sabi! talk and do! action man!!
I like that talk and do, the honourable no go do me again. “Honourable talk and do” this one make brains.
I climbed the podium with Ugochukwu.
Me: I be honourable talk and do, everybody wey dey this roof go carry 100k go house.
Voices: mad jubilation honourable talk and do! shouting na you go go!
Me: make ona come pick one one bundle each from this bag, go and make me popular.
See the way them rush come, I feared for my life. I first asked them to come one after the other, them still dey drag who go be first as if the money go soon get leg, I kicked away the idea of leaving and shared the money.
When we are do I realized that some of them have decided to vote me for the position, they were now placing their faiths in me. I was relieved of being a total failure, we entered the car and zoomed off.
Ugochukwu: you get all these political sense na you dey delay?
Me: na God oh, na suffer make me open eyes.
Three cars sped past us and blocked the tarred road, soldiers started coming out with guns and koboko.
Me: na wetin dey happen? you thief soldier man car?
Ugochukwu: hiss you dey joke when something serious dey happen.
Few soldiers came to our car side and dragged us out of the car, that is when the chairman came down from his car. See pepper soup, Mr. Okoye the man am contesting against, I tell Ugochukwu oh!
One of the soldier man with koboko approached us.
Soldier man: lie down! lie down!!
Before em even say down I dey down already dey vibrate and recite my last prayer.
Mr. Okoye: who dey contest for honourable among ona two?
I pointed at Ugochukwu and he also pointed at me with his finger.