Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 26
Subtitle: F--k Fakers.
He dropped the plate of pepper soup spiced with enough pepper, with leaves too. The scent no be here oh, my stomach start to sing song, it aff tay oh!.
Chima: I go come collect the plate later.
Me: I raise one lap up to my mouth and take a bite tell your mama and papa thank you for me.
Chima: don’t mention.
I started chewing and biting, the native fowl sweet die. I just dey chop frozen chicken since when Africa chicken dey this yard. It is well, as I was eating something is telling me am eating the hen I kept outside, nobody will try that nonsense of cooking my fowl.
A knock landed on my door and I carried the remaining plate of chicken leg put under my bed.
Me: na who be that?!
Voice: na me Felicia.
Me: oh! Felicia, open the door I no lock am.
She opened the door looking fat and hot, I nofit explain. But she wore a nice red gown that gave away all her curves and flesh.
Me: Fel Fel, this one you remember us, hope am safe?
Felicia: hiaa! Youngest landlord, you no even offer me seat before you hammer me with question.
Me: pardon my poor hospitalize, make yourself comfortable for that sofa, biko nu.
Felicia: wetin dey smell like this?
Me: em go fit be from outside, all these calabar people don start to dey cook dog again.
Felicia: inhaling no, na chicken pepper soup smell I dey perceive.
Me: I never cook for days, you sure say you never dey hmmm… Na wa oh!
Felicia: give me invitation with wine I dey invite you for my wedding, I wan invite the whole yard too.
Me: you know how we dey do am, crate of minerals and biscuits, congratulations Fel Fel.. Who say God of fat people don die?
Felicia: eyes me wetin bring that one youngest landlord?
Me: nothing oh, I just dey reason loud sha… Anything wey wan scatter that wedding, holy ghost…
Felicia: fire!! I no know say, you don start to go church oh.
Me: wetin bring that talk?
Felicia: sorry oh, make I dey go.
She got up and left, I went to the fridge and put the wine. I brought out the plate of pepper soup I hid under my bed and was about resume eating when I heard a voice singing along the hallway.
Voice: he has done for me, he has done for me, he has done for me… What my papa nofit do, he has done for me, wetin my mama nofit cook, he has done for me…
Me: who be this one again na? That voice dey like Donald own oh.
I was about taking another bite when my door was flung open by singing Donald, no time to hide the lap of chicken sef. He has a paper in his hand, I come dey wonder why em dey sing sef.
Me: Donatus, wetin happen? this one you dey sing like mad people wey dey gyrate for Mile one market. I no know say I don drop my chicken lap
Donald: he quickly pick it up and start chewing youngest landlord, you dey enjoy oh!
Me: eyaa! naso you take your hand increase your house rent.
Donald: any amount I go pay, my enemies say I no go make Jamb. But I don disgrace them, them go picture me going to university hahahahas!
Me: talk truth? you pass jamb? wonderful! wetin you score?
Donald: na you be the first person I go tell because of say you be thomas nikaeke! Me Donald Oturubete score 50 for Jamb.
Me: I no fit hold the laugh hahahas, you don pass with anyhow colors, fly go tell the yard people.
That is how he danced out of my room singing, that guy have actually smoked away his brain. I took my bath and PHCN brought light, I started watching teen wolf later went online to read stories. I no know when I take sleep, I wake up the next morning to expect my fowl to crow. I no come hear anything, I come outside to go chicken.
Me: Jesus Christ! Who thief my hen?!