Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 24
Subtitle: F--k Fakers.
Me: wetin em come resemble? how Genesis fried rice dey look?
Ugochukwu: eyes me suspiciously I no trust you, this rice dey like something wey them use fire wood cook.
Me: Minister of firewood affairs, see you don get 80years experience of using firewood, why you never get firewood company. If you no wan eat the food, give am my own never even do me.
Ugochukwu: hiss I go just manage am, the chicken sef no even look spiced up to my taste.
I ignored him ’cause I was very hungry didn’t realize it all along, I thought Ugochukwu will remain his food. The idiot even finish em rice dey chew the chicken lap like wetin em never chop for decades.
I gave him a glass of water and drank mine, I was very serious about us going.
Me: you don eat finish, oya make we dey go na.
Ugochukwu: you skip health science class, the food never digest. Or you wan buy another food for road?
Me: for wetin? Say I be your papa or your mama?
I hissed and sat back for us to rest a little, after sometime he got up and both of us went out. We took his car to a distance area away from the city, that place was very bushy and houses there are mud houses. Ugochukwu parked his car by the road side and we entered one thick bush that smelt funny, we got to a very tall big tree.
Smokes were rising from a clay pot and one scary looking idol was positioned before the clay, with red and black wrappers forming walls and keeping an entrance, we saw the chief priest sitting down on a mat mumbling words.
I tried to enter with my shoes.
Native doctor: taarrrhh! how dare you wan wear your rotten shoes enter Eklemoreklemor shrine incantation
Ugochukwu: we are sorry baba I dey craze apologise, shoe wey I buy 25k na em call rotten
Ugochukwu forced me to pull my shoes, even when we entered the shrine my mind was on my shoes. Before one evil spirit will mistake it for his own.
Native doctor: incantation umhh… You are welcome to your solution, my sons. Speak!
Ugochukwu: my frien… i cut him off
Me: who tell you say I no get mouth? ehnn… Baba no mind am, I wan do ritual. I wan get too much money.
Native doctor: hahaha laughing is a small thing for Eklemoreklemor to do. Umh… You don ready for the sacrifice?
Me: I look around, skeleton heads don full everywhere yes, am very ready.
Native doctor: a blood of your relative.
Me: thank God, I get plenty useless uncles wey I nodey use. Pick one sharp sharp, make I stab am for the mirror I got up
Native doctor: no, your mother.
Me: them don sacrifice her oh.
Native doctor: your papa nkor?
Me: both of them don gone so soon.
Native doctor: a son from them.
Me: na only me them born, na myself I go sacrifice. whispering Ugochukwu I dey suspect you.
Native doctor: Bingo!
Someone came out behind the curtail with a red hen in his hands, a red wrapper is tied to his waist.
Bingo: yes, baba.
Native doctor: give him that hen oboy, see pepper soup na
Me: thank you baba i collect the hen
Native doctor: umhh… incantation you go tie that chicken for your compound for seven days, make sure say em no run, if em miss you go die and if em die you go die. After the seven days, give it to that uncle you wan sacrifice laughing
Me: money their village far oh and them no get road I mumble thank you baba I come stand up to go
Native doctor: where you dey go? Have you appreciate the gods? drop one hundred thousand naira in that pot. thief!