Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 3
Subtitle: F--k Fakers.
Voice1: mbong! Mbong! Em dey sweet me, em dey sweet.
Voice2: Akpan, ahkpan, no cm! No cm.
Voice: abassiiii ooohh! Aaaahhhh.
Come see shout na, I rushed immediately and on my speaker before konji will finish me.
I re-arranged my bedsheet and laid on my foam, the moment I lifted my duvet up they took light.
Voices: mad oh! Calabar no start oh, make we run for ona?
They were talking as if it is daybreak, I checked time and it is 1am into the next day morning.
Thankfully, the Calabar couples slept off after they completed their rounds for the night.
I was catching a good sleep when another big mouthed mad man started, his name is Tony.
He always claim to be a multi-purpose contractor and yet no nice technology and classy furnishing in his room started his own madness around 3am.
We dragged each other to places before he paid my house rent, I nodey use money play oh.
Tony: hello, am I speaking with manager of Total company….. Oh, yes. Is me engineer Tony….. I called to confirm if you have sent the 300billion naira
Voice: Tony, Tony, we know say you poor oh, why you dey call criminals come this yard, when you no get shi shi to give them.
I used pillow to press on my ear, their voices was very loud as if they are using speaker.
Tony: aah! Mr. Badmus, julius himself…. No, we will soon start work on the road….. Ahh, i am just waiting for the transfer of the proposed 100million dollars.
Voices: Tony, sleep na! You dey call something wey go fit kill us all!! Even if you use your mama and papa, combine your destiny that kind money nofit come out!!!
With time the noise died down and we were able to sleep a little till my christian radical tenant lady started her own wahala,
She came out of the verandah walking around praying.
We nicknamed her Choima Jesus ’cause we always pray for light never to come on Sundays morning because that is the day, we will never hear ourselves in the yard.
Choima Da Jesus: I heard the cry of cats and dreamt of witches trying to drink innocent blood of your children, my blood will be too bitter for them. Is it mama Jayjay that is the white cat or mama Chinonso is the white, I don’t want to know. Holy- ! Ghost – ! Fire – !!!
Mama Chinonso: ehhnn…make ona help me beg this woman oh, I nodey fly with Jedijedi yoruba women.
Mama Adenike: hope say no be me ona dey mention name o, you no hear am why I go shut up Papa Adenike.
Their voice are well trained that everyone in the yard will hear them even when they are talking from their locked room, PHCN rescued us. That is how I finally slept off by 5am, around 6am someone knocked on my door.
Me: em no too early, to wake person, who be that?
Voice: na me, Sampson youngest landlord, you get pepper? I wan use am arrest small pepper soup.
Me: the sp*rm wey dey your brain dey play base ball or wetin? I write come buy pepper for my door?