Must Read: Diary Of A Broke Playboy

Episode 6 years ago

Must Read: Diary Of A Broke Playboy

As January don show like this, that’s the period most people realise that they have just spent 12 months hardwork in a month under one week. I was part of these people shaa. Only difference was that i have no earnings except my fathers stipends to me which i Normally waste on condoms and taking girls out. May God help me this year, Amen. Can i hear a loud Amen people?

Anyways, this particular girl i have been eyeing, she was the all flirts and no action type. As in, talk dirty like a garbage can, she go follow you do am but for the main thing, that one is in London. For a very long time, 3 years i guess, i have been dangling in her friend zone like a pendulum. Even my mind has started deceiving me into believing that i was enjoying the friend zone but the heavens will forbid it.

A brief run down of the girl.

She is tall, like the average tallness for a girl.

Her shape is my favorite, busty and curvy and when she walks, one would think she was on the runway, her skin, ebony black and a well carved face out of which shot a pair of very Sekxy eyes, i am even thinking she can read one’s soul with those eyes, only her eyes can give you a boner. Then her voice, if she talks, it always seemed like she was singing. Clara was perfect in all ramifications and trust me, it breaks my heart very much to know that a damsel like this has decided that i was like a brother from another mother, like, I mean, why can’t she see me as a boyfriend, even if na spare one, as far as i can get access to some of the packages the the main guy is getting, i’m okay.

Well shaa, this new year, i decided that being broke wasn’t funny at all. I just want to talk about money and less about girls, so i have made up my mind that I am only going to have one babe. Okay not one, just two. Chinaza the main chic and any other random chic for a side chic, just in case Chinaza decided to exhibit her ogbanje traits. Lol
So for sometime, i have been searching for this replacement chic, i don’t know what happened again, I don’t know if i got more ugly or what, usually it takes me like 2 to 3 days to get a girl to fall for me but now, it takes me 3 to 4 days to get them to reply my hi on whatsapp. That one shaa still dey.

So this night i checked Clara’s profile, a new picture showed up, immediately it finished loading, i took a look and gbam, like a rocket, her cleavage shot into my eyes, in my mind i was like, i have found my second missing rib, on Closer observation, i then saw that Angelic eyes, it was a total knock out for me. This year 2017, i decided i was too big for her friend zone, i am going to upgrade, even if na supplementary boyfriend, at all at all na im bad pass. 3 years in friendzone, i have tried abeg, i need retirement and even settlement sef. So our chat started.

Me: baby

Her: babe

That babe she called me was so friendly and masculine, it carried no atom of emotion in it but then, i was determined to break this yoke.

Me: How are you?”

Her: am fine dear and you

Me: am ok, i was just strolling by when your eyes caught my attention.

Her: lol, you love my eyes abi

Me: yes naa, see it shining like fluorescent tube, just dy make me weak

Her: hahahahahaha. Not just you, a lot of guys are also feeling the eyes.

Sorry, i will summarize the chat, i can’t come and be telling you what i discussed with a girl in my whatsapp.

So our chat took shape, like an experienced driver, i managed to steer the conversation into relationship talks, i explained to her how i have been feeling her for a long time, especially those eyes of hers and her lovely b0s0m [ i didn’t tell her about the b0s0m tho, just the eyes lol] and how i would like to take control of certain things in her life, She asked what type of things, i said her heart but in my mind, her hot body was the paramount issue tho i no tell her that one too. She replied and gave her conditions. Apparently, a lot of her village guys this xmas have opened her eyes to the fact that she was beautiful and Sekxy, that one compounded my case like this. Her conditions, i must be able to take care of her needs and she mustn’t go bankrupt. In my mind, i was trying to upgrade from friend zone to lover zone and here she was trying to shift me, not even upgrade, from friend zone to banker zone.
After our conversation this night, she succeeded in making me realise how juicy the friend zone position was. I decided i was fine in that zone biko.

So still on the matter, i called James, i have missed that guy o.
“commissioner for woman affairs!! ”

That was James hailing me as he picked the phone.

” Your father that side” i said and we both laughed.

“Guy hafar naa” he asked.

“Guy i dy like say i no dey”
“Wetin happen, who you give belle?”
“na your Your mama” i said and he laughed.

“Guy i need a new girl”
“Wetin do Chinaza, she don catch you again?”
“Catch wetin, Chinaza na wife, i need a side chic” i said stressing that chic
“What about Eva, Cynthia, shape them, wetin do them?”

“Guy nothing, those ones are far from me for now and Chinaza dy village, i need to put my something somewhere abeg ”

” Guy go buy Vaseline and start masturbating, that one dy cheaper”

“James shey u still dy village?”
“Yea”
“And harmattan dy there?”

“Yea, why you dy ask? ”
“may dry harmattan thunder strike you there, mumu”

He laughed and i cut the phone. Left my room in search of Amara