Must Read: The Devil Who Loved Me

Episode 7 years ago

Must Read: The Devil Who Loved Me

Days flew past and thankfully there was no
threat to my security. I moved back to my
apartment after Abayomi bribed me with paid
lunch for a month. The guy wanted to screw his
chic and I was a hindrance, plus I was still
feeling uneasy about I and Toun’s parole.
Unfortunately for Abayomi though, she spent a
lot of time in my house. One of those times
when she spent the night, Chibuzor, my
neighbor nearest to the gate became born-
again. We were swallowing garri and soup when
someone started shouting . i identified the voice
as Chibuzor’s.


Chibuzor: Holy God, I accept this anointing, I
accept this cup….my lord …my Jesus..old
things are passed away..no more bad bad
things.
We were laughing inside the room when we
heard a crash..Chibuzor did not open his door,
he broke his door and stood arms akimbo in the
compound. He was shouting so loud, everybody
came out of their rooms
Chibuzor: Satan is a liar, my soul belongs to
Jesus, mary, peter, mark,luke Isaiah, moses,
noah, Daniel, Jacob, father Abraham, Michael,
aaron, Elijah,Solomon, Ezekiel…
The list of biblical names continued,…..Job,
Hannah, Samson .. I noticed his girlfriend
crying infront of their room, I looked at Toun
bewildered only to see the mumu Laughing.
Me: what is funny?
Toun: cant I laugh again?
I ignored her and walked to Chibuzor’s
girlfriend, she was scared
Me: why are you crying?
Girlfriend: someone should please help him
Me: from being born-again?
Girlfriend: which born-again? He just finished
eating and started praying seriously, I joined
him as a supportive girlfriend until I heard “in
Ojukwu’s name I pray” I got worried but I
continued with him. Then he started preaching
to me.
By this time, some neighbours stood beside me
to listen to her
Girlfriend: he shouted and said “ woman, you
have demons in your toto, demons that have
been depriving me of A, B ONLY D,E and F”.
Toun: is that true?



I gave Toun a dirty stare. Then looked at
Chibuzor, he was doing push-ups, the girlfriend
went to him at this point.
Girlfriend: baby why are you doing push-ups?
Chibuzor: I am not your baby, I am married to
Jesus, Jezebel leave me alone.
She started crying, I realized it was getting out
of hand, I immediately called Timi.
Me: hello
Timi: hello Nkem
Me: quit the crap. I need you ASAP
Timi: any problem?
Me: hurry, come with your car.
Timi came into the compound in thirty minutes.
By then Chibuzor was anointing us in the
compound with buckets of water, as we ran, he
chased us..shouting “ Unclean spirit, LEAVE!”
Timi walked into Chibuzors room and came out
with a plate of beans.
Me: you want to eat his left-over, if you are
hungry, we have garri na.
Timi smiled and walked to Chibuzor’s girlfriend.
Timi: wetin una put inside the beans?
Girlfriend: nothing
Timi: have you eaten?
Girlfriend: I haven’t..
Toun started laughing loudly; a couple of hisses
were rained on her
Timi: your boyfriend put over-dose of weed in
the beans.


Chibuzor’s girlfriend looked puzzled, but cried
on.
Me: we have to take him to the hospital
Timi: yep, give me a bucket of water..
Toun got a bucket of water and gave Timi.
As Chibuzor saw Timi approach with the water,
he started jubilating
Chibuzor: I anoint with water, but he that
comes after me anoints with the holy-spirit,
come my lord, I am not fit to untie your
sandals.
Ok…I admit I laughed at this point.
Timi Aka son of God, doused Chibuzor with the
water and he became a little disoriented. He
tossed Toun the keys of his car, for her to drive,
while I sat in front with her and he held
Chibuzor at the back with his girlfriend at the
other side. Toun could drive manual, I couldn’t.
Our destination was Best-care hospital. As we
drove along Olopomerin road, I saw a car follow
us .
A Volvo.
Chibuzor kept saying incoherent words at the
back of the vehicle. His girlfriend was still crying
while Toun laughed and drove.
I was not happy about the Volvo tailing us. So I
texted Jafar. “Oga tell your boys to stop
following me” I wondered if weed was indeed
this powerful. I had never smoked one before.
Chibuzor: I want to swim
We all acted like we didn’t hear. I wondered
what Timi was doing when I called him. I
wondered if my calling him was just an excuse
to see him. My phone beeped, signaling a
message.
“Night Ma’am”, Jafar’s message said.
I looked at the side mirror to see if the Volvo
was still following us, there it was..all big and
Ugly. I was cursing Jafar under my breathe
when I noticed the Volvo slow down to take a
right turn. “thanks”, I texted Jafar.
“lol”, he texted back
Chibuzor : I believe I can fly
Once again we ignored him. Getting to the
hospital, we held Chibuzor and forcefully took
him into the reception where some members of
staff checked him in. while Toun and I remained
in the reception, Timi and Chibuzor’s girlfriend
followed him inside. As they led him in he
shouted “PDP”, the people around the hospital
laughed in return.


I saw a figure limp toward me, I felt bad for
whoever it was that had the broken leg. Until I
noticed it was Acho. Beside him was Yewande,
holding him has he limped on. I felt very bad,
the normally proud Acho that walked with swag
looked pitiful.
As soon as he saw me, he looked in the other
direction, but Yewande looked at me and
hissed. She left her boyfriend and came to me.
Yewande: have you seen what you have
caused? When I am finished with you, you will
regret ever being in this school.
I kept quiet but Toun was having none of it.
Toun: You cannot do more than a hanging
pant!
Sometimes I wondered if Toun’s father was a
judge or she was adopted.
Yewande: Mrs PA, na bottle we go use tear your
mouth
Toun: Razzo! Bottles aint for fighting dear,its for
drinks. Stooping to your level is pretty
ridiculous mehn..
Chai, if they beat me because of Toun’s mouth,
our friendship is over.
Yewande: Ehen, because your people get
money, you think you are all that?
Toun: Bleep off jor! You and your messed up
boyfriend.
Yewande smiled, informing us we would hear
from her soon.
Timi came out some minutes later, informing us
that Chibuzor had been admitted and his chic
would be spending the night with him in the
hospital. Timi got a call.
Timi: Hey Annie….
…..sure, I am on my way
…..no problem.


He hung up.
Timi: Nkem…I have to leave you guys..Annie
needs a lift
Me: No problem , thanks for coming at such
short notice.
Toun: thanks dear
Toun hugged him, he came to me for a hug
too, I blanked the heart robber.
Timi: I can give you guys tfare thou
Me: don’t worry, we have enough with us.
Toun: my regards to Annie.
I might just end up poisoning Toun, I thought
to myself.