Must Read: Confessions of a Funaab Yahoo Boy - Season 1 - Episode 8

7 years ago

Must Read: Confessions of a Funaab Yahoo Boy - Season 1 - Episode 8

Abisoko ran into the house screaming my name. I asked what the problem was. “Gbade, this is your opportunity now! Do it or?” Abisoko said. I asked what opportunity was. He said balikis was outside at their shop doing some cleaning. They said I should go bring her and have s-x with her. I turned it down immediately.

Uchenna was there. Both of them began quarrelling with me. “Since I refused to go for Balikis, I had never made any attempt on any other girl.” They said I was just wasting their time. Uchenna come talk say, whether I do it or not, he was still be going to Ibadan and if I didn’t do it, he would take the handkerchief of Abisoko and his alone. And wetin I see make I take. And he had warned me that right from the beginning, he had included my name. What they are doing, I must be part of it and if I didn’t, it would amount to grave consequences. I just kept quiet as they shouted at me. I thought about what Uchenna said. If I didn’t bring the handkerchief blood, will I die? Will any evil happen to me or my mom? And why didn’t I find anyone else till then! “Will any evil happen to balikis if I use her virgin blood.” Abeg I no want make any evil thing happen to her. “And what of after penetrating and she wasn’t a virgin?” What of if she no come gree nko? All that where my thoughts as Uchenna tapped me.

He said he had just gone outside to call Balikis. And she said she was coming. So if I wan do anything, make I do am fast. The thought of doing balikis sef was disgusting.
Balikis came to the house and said Uchenna said I was calling her. I asked if she was doing anything at that moment. She said “yes.” She asked what we wanted her to do for us. I told her just a little thing. She said we should just give her about 5minutes to arrange the place, inside the uncompleted building close to our house. That is where they normally keep some of their items when leaving after the day. And she left. Na so we begin wait for balikis to come. 30 minutes gone, 1hour gone. Uchenna asked me to go there myself. Na so me go there come see her still dey arrange the place. She was arranging baskets of tomatoes. I helped her out till the place was reasonably okay to her. She said her aunty was not around but would be coming back the evening of that day. I began teasing her while she washed her hands and sat on the long bench there. One thing led to another. I touched her b0s0ms and she just laughed and didn’t say anything. Na so I press forward ooo. Before 5 minutes, I had already raised her skirt, pants down and I was inside her. I thought it would be easy but it wasn’t as she la!d on the bench while I thrusted. Looking directly into her eyes I was feeling guilty and yet the blood was yet to come out. At a time I began wondering if she was really virgin because I never asked her. 7 minutes still going, I was becoming weak and she too because she has begun pleading for me to stop that she was getting tired and feeling pains. But the blood never come out. She was just managing to say, “Bro gbade is okay nah.” Abisoko and Uchenna came into the place immediately and met the act going. They were about going out when I called them back telling them that blood was yet to come out oo. And balakis facial expression was becoming scary and weird like somebody that wants to faint. My guys came closer. “Guy pump am well, just dey pump dey go,” Uchenna said. As he said it, I was tired but I increased the pleasure. Before we know wetin dey happen, balikis was no longer responding. She was just there like a log of wood. And I was still pumping as my guys stood behind. Na so I stop immediately when I realized it. “U.C this girl is not moving again ooo,” I said to them. They came closer. Laying on the chair she looked collapsed. As I removed my manhood from her female core, I discovered that little blood was dripping out of that area. But that was not my concern at that moment. “Oboy, dis girl don go ooo,” Abisoko said. We tried calling her but she was not responding. Uchenna asked me to use my white handkerchief to clean out the blood at her private area. Na so I come dey hala for my guy. That was not the important thing at that moment. “The girl no dey respond and you say you wan use her blood,” I said to uchenna. Na so we begin argue ooo. I was just scared and full of regrets. Uchenna came near me and told me to relax. He asked me to give him the handkerchief first. I told him that it was inside his room in his house. He went inside and got it, cleaned up balikis’s private part with it and got the blood. I asked what we were going to do next. He said I should get a clean cloth and water inside the house. I got them and he cleaned from her waist down and asked me to wear her her underwear and skirt. I was just doing it with fear as if it was going to bring her back. He asked if any one saw me while coming to the place. I told him no one saw me and likewise them too. He said we should leave her there. But I asked that we should take her to the hospital. Abisoko said what are we going to tell them that happened to her when we take her to the hospital! And infact the police will arrest us.

Balikis wasn’t breathing. That was really complicated. Abisoko said I should respect myself and lets go inside and never to disclose what happened to anyone. So leaving her there would look as if she was sleeping till who ever discovers her there. My heart beat increased. I wasn’t myself at all as I got inside. Uchenna took his bath and off to Ibadan with the items.

He even called on the way to tell me to relax, feel as if nothing has happened. I began wondering if my guys really had human sympathy at all! Another thought came to my mind. What really caused the girl’s death? Is she really dead because everything seems confusing and I couldn’t understand. I was panting. Part of me kept telling me that I had killed somebody, and that my hands are stained with blood. Chaiii, Gbadebo Alaba has killed somebody ooo. Na who come send me? Infact if I had knew, I wouldn’t have even started the journey with them in the first place. I was just walking around in the parlour, my heart panting, sweating profusely. “Guy sit down one place. No go kill yourself ooo,” Abisoko said to me. How I wan take get rest of mind for that kind situation? E no possible nah. At a time tears came down my eyes. It seems as if I was seeing Balikis waving me goodbye.

“Bang bang,” somebody knocking on the door. Immediately I heard the knock, another heavy fear griped me. I remembered Uchenna went to Ibadan. “It must be uchenna,” I thought to myself. Abisoko was seating on the chair. I stood up and went to the door, opened it and discovered it was balikis’s aunty. Immediately I saw her, I became more weak. “Chaii, Gbadebo omo Alaba God don catch you today.” My heart was panting. “What is the matter? What is wrong with you that you are sweating like this,” Balikis’s aunty asked me speaking in Yoruba language. I didn’t even know what to tell her.

It took me like few seconds to realized myself at that moment. I first greeted her. She joked that maybe funke was around and we had been rolling on the sheets. She said it and smiled.

That statement alone made me to relax a little bit because I thought maybe she had known what happened. But how I wished it was my girlfriend that was bringing sweat out of my body.

I told her that it wasn’t my girlfriend ooo. Well, she said she just came to check if balikis was there because since she came back, she had not seen her. I told her that balikis wasn’t in our house. Na so she talk “okay” come waka leave. Fear come dey catch me. Abisoko even overheard the conversation between I and bilikis’s aunty. He said I should blow up my cover because the way I was going, my attitude might put us in trouble. He said I should be calm. As we were till seated, another knock came on the door. I asked who was that and it was balikis’s aunty again. Abisoko said I shouldn’t go to the door, let him go before I jeopardize everything. He urged me to be calm and relax. He went outside to answer her. See as fear come hold me. I didn’t want to go to prison ooo. Baliki’s aunty told Abisoko that someone told her that they saw us with baliki in the morning. “Or maybe we sent her on an errand but we didn’t want to tell her. just to play a prank on her.” Often time we do it. We would just send balikis on an errand or she would be in our house but when her aunty asks, we would tell her that we don’t know where she is.

As her aunty said that someone saw her with us, kaiiii. “It is finished,” I thought to myself. Them don catch us. Abisoko told her that we only saw her in the morning when she first came. Apart from that, we never see her again.

She left after couple of conversations with her. Barely 20 minutes she left, Uchenna returned and we briefed him of what had been happening. He said we all should go to Baliki’s shop but pretend like nothing happened, so we help the aunty search for balikis. Let it not look as if we were less concern. So we just pretend that we are searching for her.

Na so we go aside oo. We no meet aunty for shop. We just thought we should just go to that uncompleted building. When we got there, we didn’t see baliki’s body. “This one na another problem ooo,” I thought to myself.

Though we saw baskets of tomatoes and pepper there. Even the chair balikis la!d was there sef. I became more troubled in my mind. As we were just coming out of the uncompleted building, we met Baliki’s aunty. We asked if she had found her and she said she hasn’t.

She was even threatening to deal with her when she returns from anywhere she went to. Three of us looked at each other when aunty said balikis’s left their pulse they use in keeping their money inside the room at the uncompleted building. That means she had been there and couldn’t find balikis in that room we left her in. I began thinking. “Where must balikis’s body be?” Who must have taking her body? Or was there any resurrection, did she resurrect? As in, I no come understand.

By then, the three of us had become confused. “Guy we have to do something fast,” I told the other guys. By then, uchenna said we should all prepare so we go to oke-ilewo and stay with a friend and come back in the next two days, which was Monday. Just to enable us see what would happen. And if it was something wrong, make everybody answer him papa name from there. Na so I come weak more. “That means I would be going to jail!” Something in me told me to confess and tell Balikis’s aunty what happened. But another part of me said that was too late. It’s like putting myself in bigger trouble. “How I wan tell aunty wetin happen.” That one is just police case. “But na who come carry dead body commot for the place? Abi na God?” Surely, the body was not found there, that means someone already knows what happened!

We immediately left for Okeilewo which was inside the town. All that was for us to cool off and to also strategize on the new deal we have.

According to Uchenna, it was a man from Cambodia but based in Nepal. Uchenna got the link from G-money when he went to Ibadan. His name is Mr watra. But throughout our stay in okeilewo, I couldn’t concentrate. I was all full of fears. We didn’t bother to make call to anyone in the house if balikis has been found or not. Not until I received a call from a friend on Sunday evening. Telling me that Baliki’s aunty was looking for us. I remembered we didn’t tell her we were going somewhere. “But what must she be looking for us for?” “ Shey dem don find balikis body?” The police dey find us?” I told uchenna what my friend told me.

He told me to relax and shouldn’t worry. He was trying to make a call while he went outside. Few minutes later, he came back telling me that a friend he spoke to in our neighborhood said he saw balikis and her aunty on Saturday night. “So how come?” “What happened to her?” “How was she able to recover or was it her ghost the person saw?” “What really happened to her?” All that were my thoughts when my two guys began telling me, “Shebi I tell you to relax, nothing will happen to balikis na. she’s alive.” Ok, but even if she was alive, how did that happen? And only God knows what he must have told his aunty.
Uchenna said we should prepare to go back to gate to know what was happening. “Na so me tell them say I no go ooo.” But they encouraged me to come with them, that nothing will happen. Uchenna said even the native doctor in Ibadan had told him nothing, no evil would befall us So I should relax my mind. We left to gate.
When we got back, I tried making an enquiry from neighbours in the street if aunty and balikis came out to sell their market the previous day, Sunday. Knowing fully well that they don’t open for business on Sundays. All the people wey I ask talk say dem no see them. The neighbors around only said aunty had been asking after me. I tried asking if they saw balikis with her too. “Them talk saw them no see her and say her aunty still dey look for her”. “Chaiii, how come that that Uchenna’s friend told us that he saw balikis.” “ Other people around were saying they are still looking for her.” I slept with one eye closed and the other open that night, believing the police would still come for me.

The next morning was a Monday. There was no school because of the Muslim feast. I was inside but often go outside to peep if I could find aunty and balikis. “Still dem never come market, and they were not Muslims.” It was unsual unlike other days they come early enough.
At about 2pm, I went outside to peep if aunty and balikis had come. As I got outside, I saw aunty with somebody that looked like balikis. They were standing with a policeman holding a gun. A police van was parked closed to them. Immediately, aunty, balikis and the policeman started walking towards the direction of my house. Two police officers jumped out from the van and started coming towards our direction.

As I saw that, it looked as if something from nowhere took away my strength. I became weak. I was a little happy that balikis was alive but sadness overwhelmed it. All my mind was telling me was “I had been caught and the police are coming for us.” I quickly ran to the house and told my guys what I saw. My guys that I thought they have a strong mind became weak. “Na so fear come dey catch everybody oo.” Tears started running down my eyes. I didn’t know whether to call my mum and tell her what was happening. “How would I even explain to her sef what happened?” I was just sweating profusely. Abisoko managed to get outside. I went into Uchenna’s room thinking about my life and probably how prison sentence would look like.
Few minutes later, as I was just there, Uchenna knocked on the room and asked me to come out that the police men were not looking for us. They were just passing by. I opened the door.l

My eyes were red. “Guy, na wetin dey do you? Na cry you dey cry so?” Abisoko asked. They began laughing at me. “Only if they knew what was going on inside of me.” Abisoko said he saw only the police men pass by so no be our house them dey come. But they said we should remain inside for a while, maybe later we can go to Aunty’s shop to see balikis and try asking what happened to her that Saturday. Na so we dey inside parlour. Uchenna and Abisoko were making connections with Mr watra.
As we were still in the parlour, “knock knock, knock,” where the heavy knocks we heard on the door. “Na who be that,” Abisoko asked. “Olopa police,” was what echoed from outside. They said it was the police, and I overheard a female voice with them. The voice sounded like aunty, balikis’s aunty. “The knocks came again.” Part of me was telling me that I was finished. They have caught up with us. “But how come the police are looking for us?” “I thought Uchenna said they were not coming to see us, they were only passing by!” “They have come for me oooo” was my thought.